I need to get my child to stop breastfeeding.

[Llareggub]

He is 4 next month. I never intended to bf for this long; I thought he would self-wean at around 2.5 like his big brother. But he didn't. I carried on last year because I separated from my exH and thought it would do DS to have as few changes as possible. Then he was ill, and it was handy.

We lived in a little bubble of just the three of us and now we have moved and suddenly quite a few people are aware that DS is nearly 4 and still feeding. I am now looking at it through the eyes of others and with DS going into reception in September I am thinking it might be time to stop. But how?!

A large part of me thinks I should just carry on and be dammed. He likes it and doesn't want to stop. But a growing part of me is thinking, "bloody hell, he is 4, why am I still doing this?"

I really don't know what to do.

It really doesn't matter what other people think. But if you want to stop, then do - but he may well self wean pretty soon, he's about that age. Do you want to stop? www.amazon.co.uk/How-Weaning-Happens-Diane-Bengson/dp/0912500549 this may be worth a read too.

My DS weaned at 2, he was already going to preschool etc, but I think the crux is to carry on for as long as you both want to

DS is 4.4 and recently self weaned, maybe about a month ago. I probably encouraged it slightly by being a little quicker to say no if I wasn't totally happy about it, e.g. if I thought he was trying to delay bedtime, or I didn't want to fall asleep in his bed, if I was due on and sensitive, or if I was feeling a bit touched out.

However, I didn't actually realise he had weaned because he was asking so rarely, it was only when he was ill and I offered and he said no that I realised - and we've been in a couple of situations since then (extreme overtiredness etc) where he would usually have asked and he didn't at all so I think that's it now.

If it helps my cut off point in the end would have been when he got a wobbly tooth because the idea freaked me out (I don't like wobbly teeth!) but it wasn't a big issue for us because he only ever really fed at bedtime and not every night either, and most people had assumed that he'd stopped years ago, so there was no self-consciousness. (Although DP was a little about it). I'm glad that he self weaned in the end.

My ds2 weaned at almost four, I cut down gradually so he was just having milk in the morning. He would come and get into bed with me soi just made sure I got up before him for a week or so which broke the habit.

If you don't mind feeding him then sod what others think.

I have a friend who bfed her re option age child, in the end she did a sticker chart and he earnt some coveted after thomas trains once he stopped!

Why, DD carried on until long after she started school.

In fact no one knew, because she picked up DCs her age didn't.

I couldn't have cared less if people knew, but she did. She instinctively didn't ask in public, I never said anything.

Honestly, no one expects a school aged child to still be feeding, so no one asks and no one needs know. So long as DS picks up to keep quiet, everyone else will soon forget and you can carry on feeding at home for as many years as you both feel comfortable with.

It is a huge shame it has to be a secret, but until attitudes change I think it does. DD2 certain felt it did and she is far more socially astute than me.

Thanks for your comments, they are helpful and sum up how I (mostly) feel. But I have a nagging feeling that maybe it is time to stop. DS says he is going to carry on until Christmas, yikes.

I'm having similar thoughts about ds (3.3). The other day he climbed up onto my knee wearing his rollerskates and had a bf and I thought "What on earth am I doing, bf a child who can rollerskate??". Not sure what to do.

I wouldn't worry too much :) DS told me about a month before he stopped that he was going to carry on until he was ten!

If a large part of you wants to carry on and your ds does too, then why even think about stopping?

My ds has just stopped feeding at nearly 4. I took the 'don't offer, don't refuse' line as I feel that I've had enough after nearly 6 years of constant bfing. I don't think anyone other than dh/dd knew I was still feeding - people just assume that you've stopped and I never brought it up.

I do know what you mean about the 'going to school' thing, though. Although as others have said it's possible to be very discreet about it and starting school is an artificially imposed rite de passage anyway.