BF DD waking every 90mins/hourly at night, what can I do?

[thesmallestpotato]

Wasn't sure if I should post this in sleep or on here

She wakes every 90mins/hourly and will not go back to sleep without being fed, this has been going on since January so I'm really struggling with the lack of sleep now

I go to her quite quickly when she wakes as she makes the most horrendous shouting noises and wakes DH and DS if I don't get to her quickly enough - I just can't leave her to make so much noise for everyone elses sake

We tried a dummy a few weeks ago, she kept spitting it out

Introducing solids hasn't made any difference

This week on the advice of a friend I have tried feeding on both sides when she wakes but this either makes no difference or totally wakes her up and she's awake for the next 90mins

Last night I tried to give her a bit of formula thinking it might stay longer in her tummy, she really protested and wouldn't take it (this was quite soul-destroying as formula was my last resort)

I also have almost-3yo DS waking twice in the night too asking to BF which I usually give in to as I'm so tired (also let him feed in the morning and occasionally at night)

Could my pre-schooler be taking the milk away from DD? I thought from various things I'd read that tandem feeding was fine but I'm beginning to wonder if this is not the case? I never intended to BF him this long,, he just didn't want to give up and I didn't want to force him

My health visitor said said it is because she is hungry and to fill her up on solids during the day - tried this, she really doesn't eat that much

HV said the next step is controlled crying which I'm not happy about trying because I'm not happy about that amount of distress plus it will wake DH who has to go to work and DS who is difficult to get back to sleep

She has three naps during the day, around 8am, 11am, 2pm

What can I do? I'm worried about her development with her having such little sleep, I've developed horrible eczema all over my hands and face, particularly eyelids because of this (never had eczema before), and I have a really annoying relentless eyelid twich which apparently is due to fatigue, I can't nap when she naps as i have to do stuff with my poor DS who I'm sure is being affected by this I just have no imagination any more for games or activities with him and he just plays on his own while I just stare into space

Our families are a 2hr car journey away and to make matters worse we don't know anyone around here as we only moved here in August, I don't know anyone and poor DS has no friends to play with :( I've tried going to a couple of mother & toddler groups but I'm so tired I just cannot do small talk, I try but it just goes wrong and I must seem so antisocial or odd, my sense of humour seems to have just evaporated too and I am the most boring person on earth to have a conversation with at the moment

Sorry this is so long, I've just got to the point now where I really need some help but I don't know what to do?? I don't think I can go on like this much longer, I'm an absolute wreck

Is there a particular brand of bottle I could try that she's more likely to take? How do I take up formula feeding at this stage? What if I go and stay in a hotel for a couple of nights and DH could give her formula, would this break the cycle of need for BF? (Reluctant to try this as DH is very tired from his job as it is and has limited patience, especiallywith DS at the moment who is enjoying being 3 and testing the boundaries)

Sorry, I really have gone on a bit here!! If anyone has read all this and has any advice that would be wonderful, thank you

Somehow forgot to mention DD is 7 months old, sorry

Ahhh bless you :-(

I have no advice as I have an 11 week old so all new to me too, but didn't want to read and run.

Where in the country are you maybe some kind local mums netters might have similar age toddler and be able to suggest friendly groups where you can take the kids and just collapse in a corner with the tea and biscuits? Round by me (Cardiff) there are a few 'baby friendly' cafe type places where the toddlers make little friends and the mums have a cup of tea, and I have seen plenty of 'lone mums' around (i.e. not making polite small talk like you do at groups).

Also appreciate DH is knackered too but can he give you a break just for a few hours on a weekend - take the kids out leave you to have a nice bath and a proper nap?

Is she having proper feeds every 90 mins or is it comfort sucking? If it is just comfort sucking, could your DH take some time off work to help? When my DS was waking all the time, my DH took him and settled him every other wake up by rocking etc. If I tried to settle without feeding, he could smell the milk and insisted on feeding. It's really hard to hold out on feeding them if you know it will settle them! It gave me a bit of a longer break between feeds which helped restore some sanity.

Could DS start pre-school early to give you a break in the day?

could be an early start to the 9 month sleep regression? Horrible I know but they do eventually stop. It took dd 3 months to get through it and I was a zombie all that time. I survived by co sleeping with dd, if she woke up she could help herself and I would usually sleep through, or at least only wake briefly. Not for everyone I know, but it meant the difference between surviving my return to work and not.

With waking so regularly (it sounds like every sleep cycle or every other one?), it could be a feed-to-sleep association, rather than hunger which is waking her? This is a link to an article by Elizabeth Pantley who writes the No Cry Sleep Solution which might have some useful ideas.

Can you have her in your bed do you don't have to wake to feed her?

it's perfectly normal for babies to go through periods of frequent waking like this and it will change again shortly. My DD started waking hourly at about the same age, having been sleeping through or waking once a night for months. I thought it was going to kill me and bed sharing made life so much easier. After a couple of months she suddenly started sleeping through again and mostly has since, but we still bed share if she wakes at night, it means more sleep all round. (she is 21 months)

You might find this link useful:

www.isisonline.org.uk/