Do you ever refuse to feed your toddler?

[nancerama]

DS is 21 months. My plan was always to bf him to 6 months. 6 months came and we were both happy so we kept going and somehow never got round to stopping.

He LOVES his milk and given the choice probably wouldn't be bothered if I never offered solids. He's not a big eater - he tries most things but is a picker and eats very small portions.

We had got to the point when he was feeding at bed time and first thing in the morning (morning feed perhaps more for my benefit in a futile attempt to get a little bit more time in bed). Then a bout of teething came along and he upped the milk uptake hugely.

The teething seems to have calmed down now, but he still wants to feed much of the time. If I offer him water or a snack or try to distract him with a toy or activity he gets really upset and angry and physically tries to drag me to the sofa where he wants to feed.

I don't know what to do for the best. Until now I was happy to take my lead from him, but I'm starting to get scared that he will never give up the milk! The tears and tantrums are driving me mad. If he's tantrumming because he sees milk as a treat and is equating it to chocolate or crisps, I'm happy to stand my ground, but I'm scared he sees it as a comfort thing and me refusing him milk is refusing him affection. What do I do?

I was in exactly you position..18 month old DS was crazy for the BM and would have it all the time if he could. I was going mad, he was grizzling for milk all the time and the situation was becoming intolerable. We are now down to x2 feeds a day (morning and before bed)..it really was a case of just being firm with him, I found distraction was the key and spending time with other family members/friends to help. He is happier, I am happier and his eating is SO much better. We can also have lovely cuddles now without him pawing for BM... I think some toddlers are just milk monsters and need help cutting down..good luck!

I feel the same as you!! My toddler is now 2 and half though!!

I managed to cut down to naptime and nightfeeds (he is STILL not sleeping through) when he was 24 months. I used distractions, offering drinks and just saying "no". Like you, I was worried about just saying no, that it was refusing him affection. but especially with day feeds, i think as long as you cut down gradually and you've found nothing else works then you have say no - for your own sanity.

It's so hard! Especially when you're sitting on a bus and they start asking loudly and tugging at your top, or your parents-in-law are round and they don't know he's still breastfeeding!!!

It also hard because when you've felt happy and assured about 'going with the flow' and then you start to feel like the situation is getting out of your comfort zone you start to question all your parenting theories and wonder if you went wrong somewhere. This is how i feel anyway. And hearing about other people's toddlers who "just stopped asking for milk" makes me want to bang my head against a wall! When will mine stop wanting/needing it? When? Tell ne when!!??

Have you tried going to la leche league meetings? It might help?

I feel your pain.

Thank you ladies. The good news is that I've got us back down to 3 feeds a day over the weekend - morning, bed time and nap time (although the nap didn't actually happen today, but that's a whole other story). There were a few tears, but I stood my ground and he's eaten some massive meals too.

Let's hope I can keep it up tomorrow when DH is back at work and we're cooped up indoors because it's too cold to go out...

I don't have any advice but just wanted to commiserate really!

DD is 22mo and she won't stop feeding. She's fine without if she's with DP and eats a lot of solids, but as soon as she's around me (which is quite a lot as I am SAHM) it's all 'titty, titty, titty'! She also wants to cup, stroke, scratch, kick and generally pester my breasts while she bfs which is annoying and a bit difficult in public. She can bf up to 5 sessions a day, although one session may involve switching breasts multiple times. Night times are an endless bf!