Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Lonely Breastfeeder - It's getting me down.

48 replies

cheeseypeas · 03/05/2006 22:48

After a very rocky start, I've loved and still love breastfeeding my son, who's just turned 1. I've decided that, as long as he wants to, I want to continue to breast feeding until he's about 2ish.

The thing that's really getting me down lately is peoples ignorance to breastfeeding and the fact that ever since my baby was born (although I know lots of mums and babies) I am the only one that breastfeeds.

It's so upsetting, even close friends and family of mine (not all but most) think that my extended breast feeding and part (half the night) co sleeping is to the detrement of my son. I have had so many 'what are you doing? You'll make him clingy and dependant....I could go on.'

I know lots of mums and babies and have always been the only breast feeder. I am doing what I am doing because I'm following my baby's lead, giving him nuture and comfort. I've seen how we both benefit, but when I try to explain where I'm coming from, no-one understands.

I know it's hard at the start and it can be difficult with going back to work etc, but why do so few people breast feed and why do those who do have to defend their actions from people who haven't done it and don't understand it???

Sorry, rant over. Just feel like I'm the only one extended breast-feeding and part co-sleeping.

OP posts:

HunKeRMunKeR · 03/05/2006 23:51

Nah, go for it, harpsi

milward · 03/05/2006 23:52

Nope haprischord - I love bf as well!! also the empowerment of being able to care completely for my kid! - respect others choices though - just wish mine where also respected!!!

Harpsichordcarrier · 03/05/2006 23:57

I am sorry to read your epxeriences cheeseypeas.
you are not alone
bf is a wonderful and magical experience
I have been doing it for three solid fabulous years (less three weeks)
I still bf my older daughter (now three ish) and she is absolutely the least clingy child you could imagine - ask cod . She has slept through the night (7-7) from three months in her own cot and now in her own room.
there is no need to defend your actions - you are doing something wonderful and natural and good for you - you should be proud.
may I lend you a favourite expression of mine - if someone gives you arse ache about it, think this to yourself:

or as my mate hunker would put it - I will feed my child how I like, and if it turns their stomach they can F off

you are not alone, here we all are, even at this hour of night
sending love and support
HC xx

misdee · 04/05/2006 00:01

definatly not alone. dd is due to walk up in 10mins for a quick feed. if shje doesnt then i can bet she wakes up ithin 30mins of me falling asleep, so we will be co-sleeping again

Harpsichordcarrier · 04/05/2006 00:06

oh and don't even get me started on the co sleeping and how lovely that is

misdee · 04/05/2006 00:13

its fantastic waking up with all my girls in my bed. dd1 usually is asleep next to me. dd2 lays across the bottom of the bed, and dd3 uses dd2 tummy as a pillw and her her legs on my legs. usually dd2 brings in extra pillows and her blnaket so its like a big nest

joelalie · 04/05/2006 11:09

Breast-fed and clingy...

hmm.. well I know anecdotal evidence isn't everything but....

DS#1 - bf and co-slept until 18m = clingyish
DD - bf and co-slept until 3yrs - about as clingy as teflon.
DS#2 - still bfing (at night only now) at 3yr and 3 months - not a clingy bone in his body 9(apart from when he wants to feed).

So personally I think the argument's crp. Clinginess comes from many factors (including the child's emotional make-up) but bfing has buger all to do with it. All part of this desperate British desire to make kids tough and independent asap....why?

Tatties · 04/05/2006 11:27

Cheesypeas, you are not the only one extended bf and part co-sleeping! I'm in a similar situation to you, ds 13mths, we bf, part co-sleep and I don't know anyone in rl who does the same. You can't talk about it though because of course, it's your own fault he doesn't go to sleep by himself and comes into your bed.. blah blah
Haven't had too much negativity though, and I am really lucky that dp is very supportive. I am getting much more indifferent to comments when I get them now, just let them wash over me because I know I am doing the right thing. May try out Hunker's response next time though

buffythenappyslayer · 04/05/2006 11:35

cheeseypeas,im the only one out of all my friends that has bf.dd is now 21 months,and has always slept with u.i love being close to her.all my kids slept in our bed at some point,and i dont think it makes them clingy.dd is clingy though but i put that down to the fact that shes with me all day and doesnt see dh til late on in the evening.also she want go tto my mum,but i think thast because she hardly sees her.
you are doing what is right for you and your baby.your right,alot of people dont understand why we bf for so long,thats just their ignorance to the health benefits imo.
my dd has cf and i was told to bf for as long as possible as its easier for her to digest.i do still find myself justifying myself to others as to why im still bf now though!

Original poster

cheeseypeas · 04/05/2006 13:26

A close friend of mine is very anti-breastfeeding. A friend of hers is pregnant and is considering breastfeeding but is toying with the idea of not breastfeeding but giving her baby expressed milk in bottles for 3 months. It's just find that really depressing.

This friend is someone I've had a lot of respect for and as she is an experienced mum, gone to for advice when my baby was small. For a normally thoughtful person, she's really shocked me with comments like...'Breastfeeding is just a romantic idea', 'all the babies I know of that are breast fed just cry all the time'...(as if people are somehow being cruel to their babies by breastfeeding them!!!!) and on the subject of offering the breast for comfort, she compared this to her sons comfort blanket as a negitive thing she had introduced that was her fault and needed resolving. I've also had the "why on earth are you still doing more than e feeds a day he only needs x ounces of milk and you don't need to night feed." And with the co-sleeping, she emailed me and said she was very concerned that I was putting my baby's life in danger and ruining my and my DP's relationship!!! It's just really hard when the people in your support network just don't get it and actually try to make you feel bad over something you would defend doing to the hilt.

Thanks v, v much for your comments again. I really needed to hear them. Even let my DP read them and thought they were great. So glad there are people out there doing what I'm doing and being proud of it.

OP posts:

Em32 · 04/05/2006 13:30

I am feeding my dd (2nd child) at 8months. No-one really realises as she only has three feeds a day, one am, one pm and one after her lunchtime nap - people are surprised when they find out but I just smile and say it is easy and I'm going to carry on as I enjoy it and it is so convenient. Most people living near me give up at 6 months. I wonder if people are more bothered about the co-sleeping. I have a friend who is still bf her son at 2.5 and still gets up all night to feed him. She is always tired and I have to say I don't think it is helping either of them to carry on like that. But.... I would never say anything to her as it is her business. She's a single mum and if that is what she wants to do then fine. Do what you want and don't defend yourself if you don't feel like it!

kiskidee · 04/05/2006 16:10

dd is 1yr and 2wks and is boobie mad. I work fulltime and co-sleep part time otherwise I couldn't be able to be bright eyed and busy-tailed at work. Dd is always praised for her self - confidence. Totally unclingy. I also don't know anyone who still bf at this age or at any age for that matter.

MumtoBen · 04/05/2006 21:23

I saw your question why do so few people b/f?

In my antenatal class there were 5 of us.
1 woman had no help in the hospital with b/f, despite repeatedly asking for it. She gave up in a few days.
1 woman had mastitis. It went undiagnosed and she got so weak should couldn't carry on. The GP didn't give her antibiotics until she practically had to be carried into the surgery. She lasted about 8 weeks
1 woman had mastitis and a breast abscess. They couldn't drain the abscess, so she ended up having surgery. She lasted a month or so.
1 woman only produced milk in 1 breast and her baby lost so much weight she was adviced to give up. Lasted 1 week.

As for me...I breastfed for 6 months. I had no help from anyone, only books. I was told in the hospital I was a problem b/f-er - well actually my baby was unconscious, which is why he wasn't feeding. I was lucky my baby & I just managed to do it. But unfortunately I was seriously ill when my son was 6 months old and my milk completely dried up.

No wonder b/f-ing rates are 20% where I live.

But I do know a few people at work who b/f for 6 months.

bramblina · 04/05/2006 21:27

cp you're doing a wonderful job, do it for as long as you want. I'll bet you any money you'll have a well adjusted child at the end of all of this, there are lots who won't.

2Happy · 04/05/2006 21:36

Hmmm. It's funny. I (surprisingly) got quite a lot of praise from people for bfing ds when he was younger. But as soon as people felt he was old enough to be eating "real food" (and half of them were still on the "shove cadbury's buttons down their gobs when they're 4 months old"-advice) suddenly I became more of a social pariah. You can just see the looks on their faces saying "hooooold on, he's 10.5m and you're still bfing? Freak! Get her on Ch4!" When he grew his first tooth (5mo), everyone suddenly started saying "oh you'd better get him weaned quickly then!". Er, why, exactly? I wish I could remember all the great comebacks people post on threads like these, I keep intending to write them down and memorise them, lol! But the advantage of MN, cheeseypeas, is you are definitely not alone, and those of us with younger lo's look up to people like you so we know it can be done!!

bramblina · 04/05/2006 21:39

Biting with teeth can be just as bad without them! It's just one of the sacrifices you make when you decide to have a baby.

Or not in some cases.

Original poster

cheeseypeas · 04/05/2006 21:58

Hi MumtoBen

Your start to BF sounded allot like mine. It took 4 days to get my DS feeding thanks to a 'super-midwife' who stepped it in at the right time.

Since having that experience, I've always thought there aught to be an offical, nhs procedure for helping establishing breastfeeding. It wasn't until my DS got dehydrated - despite us constantly asking for help - that this fantastic midwife came and put us on a feeding schedule with cup feeding, hospital pump, 15 mins 'try on breast' no more no less, etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

cheeseypeas · 04/05/2006 22:05

Hi 2Happy,

lol - all soooo true. Mind you my DS went through a bitey phase. I was advised to look him in the eye and calmly say 'no' and remove him. What I actually did was go arghhhhh, noooooo, stop!!! wimper!!! Thankfully it was just a phase and I haven't felt teeth for t6 months - which is good as he has 7 now!

OP posts:

nellieellie · 04/05/2006 22:11

it's such a weird thing. B/f is generally promoted as the best thing for babies but then there's this uneasy other side to it. So if a child is older it's seen as a bit peculiar and ocially unacceptable. It's an incredibly emotive subject as I suppose you can't get a more personal decision than whether or not to b/f. I am b/f my 9mth old son. At the start I decided to b/f - not because I particularly liked the idea but because it was apparently the best thing to do. The 1st 6 weeks or so were hell. Bleeding nipples, dreading each feed. No real support. Midwives coming round to look at me when I fed him and saying "yes - you're doing it perfectly" as I was nearly crying with the pain. I might add - midwives coming round only when I phoned, alternately begging for help and haranguing them for lack of proper service.

I never found that it was b/f that made me feel close to my baby and looked forward to being able to give it up when I felt I had done my duty. Then it began to creep up on me - the fact that b/f alone was able to comfort and quiten DS when he cried or was in pain. The instinctive wish to feed him when he needed real, close warmth and comfort - when holding and shushing him would not work. That it made him content, quiet and helped him to sleep. I'm intending now to feed him until 12 mths. But then at 5 months I intended to feed him until 6 mths; at 6mths until 8 mths. To be honest when I think about it, I will not want to give it up at 12 mths unless he loses interest. I'm not a maternal mothery type at all. Before I had him I have to confess I found the idea of me b/f embarrassing and a bit weird.

Now I think it's really a bit special.

Original poster

cheeseypeas · 04/05/2006 22:17

Hi 2Happy,

OP posts:

misdee · 04/05/2006 22:19

my dd3 cut her 1st tooth at 2months! no way was i weaning her then.

all4girlz · 04/05/2006 23:26

hi there cp
I am b/f a 1yr old with 6 teeth almost exclusively she doesnt like baby food yet will chew on toast and stuff happily but not enough.

I get the odd poor you is 'nt she eating yet as I get my boobs out yet again at mums and tots but generally I get most mums explaining to me why they did not b/f or could not bf.

we co sleep part of the night easier as she still has at least one feed in the night.
Did you see desperate h/wifes last night with a mum feeding a 5 yr old at work because it was keeping her weight down lol great prgramme

teabags · 04/05/2006 23:31

I found when I was bf it felt so right and got better as time went on. yet trying to explian that to people especially if they haven't breastfed is impossible. I think it is great you are still feeding.You're his mum and you know best!

Flip

1 2