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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast feeding problems

17 replies

simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 18:12

I had my son 3 weeks ago. The labour was long, very difficult and resulted in forceps delivery after which I haemorrhaged and lost a lot of blood. My son was born with an infection and was on SCBU for 5 days. I was EBF as soon as I could but very quickly my nipples were cracking and bleeding and feeding was agony for me. The nurses and midwives told me to feed for 20 mins then stop and give top up feeds with formula.
Since being home things have got a lot worse and feeding has left me in floods of tears because of the pain. Health visitor and midwife told me to express and formula feed for 48 hours and then see how I am. Breast feeding support lady also suggested the same. Tried again today and it was agony still. I have come to the decision along with my DH to formula feed and express as much as I can as well (expressing doesn't hurt as much).
The problem is I feel so guilty. I have been in tears all day because I feel like I'm letting my little boy down. There is so much pressure to EBF but it hasn't worked for me and I just want someone to tell me it won't harm my son and I'm doing what is right for us all. He is still getting some breast milk which is better than nothing but I feel like a failure! Anyone been in a similar situation or got any words of advice/support??
Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
McBaby · 23/02/2013 18:29

Has he been checked for tongue tie by someobe sho knows what they are looking for, it is easily missed. It causes immense pain and damage but can be treated easily.

Original poster
simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 18:40

No, I've never heard of it, what is it and who can check for it??

OP posts:
Picklepepperpiper · 23/02/2013 18:45

Hi, my dd is almost 5 and bf didn't work for us. Your delivery sounds like mine and I had to spend the night on HDU, luckily she was ok and got to stay with me. Didn't get to hold her for 2 hours and she was very sleepy. She always fell asleep during feeds and by 4 and a half weeks she was still not back to birth weight and not thriving. I was advised by hv and doctor to bf and then top up with formula.

My daughter changed immediately, she become more content and alert and gained weight quickly. I felt incredibly guilty and that I was letting her down, I also felt embarrassed giving her a bottle out and about.

I now know that it was the best thing for me to do for my dd at that time. Being formula fed has not harmed her and it did not affect our bonding.

I now have a 9 week old ds and breast feeding is working this time, probably helps that I didn't hemorrage this time! I still had a difficult birth (emcs), but got to hold him within 30 minutes and he latched on straight away.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and you are not harming your ds. Please just enjoy him and put the guilt to the back of your mind. The most important thing he needs from you is love and time. Stressing about ebf is not good for you and ultimately for him.

Good luck!

Original poster
simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 18:51

Thanks so much for your post. I'm pleased breast feeding is working second time around for you!! I know I just need to stop beating myself up! I think it's partly due to the fact that I used to judge people who didn't breast feed, I had no experience of it and assumed it was easy! How naive and stupid I was!!
Thanks again Grin you made me feel a bit better!! And my DH read it too and said "see I told you so".
Xxx

OP posts:
Picklepepperpiper · 23/02/2013 18:55

You think it's easy because everyone tells you it is! I also know what you mean about the judging, I did too.

The advantage of ff is your dh gets to be involved too - also means he has no excuse not to get up in the night!

Original poster
simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 19:04

Thanks picklepepperpiper! Nice to know I'm not the only one that judged before I knew what it was like.

I find it interesting what you say about the difference in experiences.

Hope you're having a nice weekend x

OP posts:
thompson369 · 23/02/2013 19:32

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by switching to ff, I'm now on dc3 and have had different experiences with all three. Two were ff from a few weeks old and are both thriving and healthy girls who clearly didn't suffer by not being ebf, one is ebf - I can't see any obvious differences between them as a result of what they've eaten. Others will tell you this but there is so much more to raising a child than just what it is fed. I'm pro bf but know at least three friends who have children with health problems such as asthma and allergies so it is no guarantee anyway that you child would avoid these things.
Try to go easy on yourself and accept you've made a decision which is right for you and your family - for what it's worth and without even knowing you I think you are doing the right thing.
On the bottle feeding when out point - who knows what's in the bottle anyway - formula or breast milk, it's nobody's business. Although I did see a woman pouring coke into a baby bottle a while back for a toddler - that's someone who should be feeling guilty IMO!!
Take care x

Original poster
simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 19:37

Thanks, another useful comment. So pleased I posted on here. Interesting to hear other people's experiences! And coke... I feel so much better about my parenting now lol xxx

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 23/02/2013 19:37

Sneaking in here in the hope of offering more support.
Tried to bf with second but stopped on second day. Latch good. She fed until she fell off then sucked down a full bottle of formula when offered! I must admit I was less guilty doing this than worrying about my complete lack of supply for months and watching my baby waste away.
Bf is the ideal. MY boobs don't work. Most people can bf. For some of us it does not happen!

KnottedAnchorChief · 23/02/2013 19:54

Hi Simba, just wanted to say don't feel bad at all about ff if that's what you need to do. I was very pro bf but lasted only a few days with DC1 and even with the benefit of hindsight, planning and masses of help and support i lasted about 3 weeks with DC2. For some people it just doesn't happen, although at the time i felt horribly guilty and thought it was just me being a failure. Now i think i should have switched to formula sooner as those first few weeks were hell for all of us.
Enjoy your baby, and rest assured if youre like me you'll be worrying about weaning/childcare/schools/something else before long and bf/ff will pale into insignificance!

onelittlemonkey · 23/02/2013 20:02

Sending you loads of hugs Simba.... I was in a very similar position with DS (now 22mo) as we just couldn't get the hang of BF. He was causing me loads of pain (I now suspect posterior tongue-tie - he was checked for tongue-tie but not posterior) and eventually after 6 weeks, loads of tears, a huge open wound and DS throwing up my blood (ugh) the most wonderful midwife in the world hooked me up to an industrial breast pump and I expressed happily ever after...

It is hard if BF is engrained in you to accept an alternative - I was so judgmental of FFders (funny how judgmental you can be before you even try) and tbh we didn't miss the "bonding" of BF - it wasn't bonding for us, it was fighting, and there comes a point where having a happy mummy is more important to your DC than BF is.

I expressed til DS was 8 months at which point he started being able to propel himself into awkward positions which I couldn't rescue him from attached to a breast pump. Tbh it was a relief to stop by then. (We had a great routine going which I can bore you with in a pm if you're interested.)

Pickles is right - you're not harming your DS (and the other bits) if you decide to FF it is not poison and you can still cuddle up with a bottle. X

ticklebug74 · 23/02/2013 20:22

I could have written your post 6 years ago, I was pro bf, judgemental of ff, and heart broken when I switched to ff at 3 weeks, I was completely unprepared and inexperienced. A few weeks later I started offering the breast again, and mixed fed. She was bigger and stronger and able to latch better and it did become a great source of comfort for us both, although she still got 75% of her intake from formula. I like to think we had the best of both worlds! I have gone on to bf dc2&3 and I see absolutely no difference in them (in fact dc2 is constantly ill and has several allergies so clearly bf did not protect him).

Sorry for long post but just wanted to let you know you are not alone, you could mix feed (or even go back to ebf after a short break - hard work but doable I believe) but if you choose ff then please please don't feel guilty. Have a cry and then try and move on and don't let it detract from the gorgeous little being in your arms.

stargirl1701 · 23/02/2013 20:25

Have you thought about a 'Supplemental Nursing System'? It would enable you to bf and ff at the same time. I used the Medela one - got it on Amazon.

Original poster
simbaandblue · 23/02/2013 20:34

Thanks so much for all your comments and sharing your experiences. It's so good to know I'm not alone in struggling and I don't feel so bad for ff. Its nice to see DH feeding DS and we bond in so many ways! I guess the main thing is this sense of being judged for not being able to, because like I said, I judged people who didn't. I've learnt a lesson here for sure lol
Thanks Grin x

OP posts:
McBaby · 23/02/2013 21:54

A lactation consultant should be able to check for tongue tie especially if they have had experience. Midwives/GP's are a bit hit and miss but if you and they suspect they should refer you. It really does make a world of difference I was crying every feed and living off painkillers, I now enjoy feeding. But do what is best for you! My LO gave me little choice as wouldn't take a bottle.

Check out milk matters website on tongue tie there are some good photos and details if all the tongue tie symptoms.

wibblyjelly · 23/02/2013 23:37

Hi Simba
First of all, please don't feel bad. My mantra is happy mum is a happy baby!
I bf ds to start with, and it was so incredibly hard. We had issues with latch, I got an incredibly painful crack in my nipple, and to be honest, I hated it. At the 6 week mark, things started to get better, and I thought, excellent, we've cracked it.
DS had other ideas, and around week 9, he started refusing the breast. I went to a bf group, and even had one on one bf counselling, and it didn't help. The day they told me that I had to top up with formula, I was very upset. However, since then, we have not looked back. I find it a lot easier to keep track of what ds is eating (although he can be a bugger to feed, but hoping a bigger teat will sort that out). Its nice, as other dh can be involved with the feeding as well.
DS is now 5 months, and I don't feel guilty or embarrassed about ff him. He and I are a lot happier. You just have to do what is right for you and DC.

InPraiseofOldHouses · 24/02/2013 05:10

I'm currently struging with my two week old and have just got some medela nipple shields to hopefully give my cracked nipples some time to heal. I had to top up with formula early on too after difficult birth. Reading your post I immediately thought that you really shouldn't feel guilty at all - we're all doing the best we can, aren't we? It's easier to see that with someone else, though, so lets keep telling each other - you are doing great. Whatever you decide to do is the right thing to do. :-)

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