Feeling pressured to stop bf 11 month old DS

[CarterGirl]

I am going back to work part time soon, which means DS will be going to nursery two days a week and with my parents for one day.

DS has never been a brilliant sleeper and somewhere down the line I fell into the habit of letting him bf to sleep. At bed time he is bf to sleep, he wakes when is put in the cot but settles himself. This also applies to the one or two night feeds. For naps the same also applies- unless I am driving at around the time he'd have a nap in which case he falls asleep in his car seat. His naps are a bit up in the air as we are just getting over jet lag from flying back from NZ but he generally has either a good morning or afternoon nap and a second 30 min one for whichever nap wasn't the long one (if that makes sense).

Anyway, my mum now says I should be dropping his daytime feeds because otherwise she/ the nursery will have a nightmare getting him to nap. I can see that this is true but I want to keep being able to bf him when I am off work and also for his bedtime/ night feeds if possible.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed so thought would ask for advice. I'm also worried that dropping any bf will really upset him given he has already gone through a massive recent change (flying from other side of world) and coping with temporary absence of his (Kiwi) father as result. He starts his nursery 'settling in' period next week and I don't really know what to suggest to them as a plan of action re his naps. Unless I spend next week trying to wean him off bf - which surely would really upset him alongside starting nursery and being apart from me while I'm working?

I struggled to establish bf and never envisaged having this sort of problem! Ie still breastfeeding at nearly 12 months and working out how/ when best to wean him off it when going back to work.

Plus, am beginning to get pressure to stop 'anyway' now that he is nearly one.. I have resisted but I can see that the nursery/ naps situation does cause problems. I'm just confused about how to deal with the situation in a way that causes the least distress to my DS.

Any advice would be much appreciated

I work as a childminder and would be happy to help find other ways to settle a baby while they are with me, in order to support a mum to continue BF at home so dont worry about the nursery situation, they should be professionals, used to settling babies to sleep.

If I were you, I would directly ask the nursery how they will help DS to settle without you, explain your worries. He may find it difficult for a few days but they quickly learn that there are different rules and routines in different situations, even at this young age.

Not sure about tackling your mum. Maybe she is genuinely worried that she wont be able to sooth him, which as with nursery will take a bit of time but they will figure it out. Is she otherwise supportive of BF? Dont let anyone use this as an excuse to talk you into giving up before you are ready.

My DD is 19 weeks old, is ebf and is fed to sleep, however I leave her 1 1/2 days a week to go to uni and she sleeps fine better actually when I'm not here. DH plays music and rocks her, or goes for a walk in the pram.

I went back to work when DS2 was 9 months old and was massively concerned about how he would cope as he wouldn't take a bottle and would rarely drink much milk from any of the various cups we'd tried.

In the end it turned out that most of the EBM I provided over the first month went to waste - he just wouldn't drink it most days. In fact he didn't drink much water on the days he was with the childminder either to start, so the instant we got home he'd have a huge feed to make up for it and would also want more milk the day after I worked too (I have a day off in between my 2 days a week).

Despite this he was happy and settled brilliantly with the childminder (having his older brother there probably helped). No problems with naps etc.

This is a rather long winded way of saying that babies can cope with having different routines etc at home and in childcare. In your situation I'd continue with BF as you are and see how things go.

Agree with comments above re nursery - they will cope, it's their job. Not quite so easy for your parents... Does your DS take drinks from a bottle as well? Could you leave some expressed milk for your Mum to use?
Unfortunately, your time-frame is very short, so I think you are bound to have a few rocky days while he adjusts to nursery and so on. No reason why you can't carry on BF in the evenings/overnight etc and just drop the day-time feeds.

Thank you everyone, really appreciate it.

My mum is generally supportive-ish on bf... I think she just now feels it's the 'normal' thing to stop now that he is nearly one. She thinks he is too dependant on me. Which is silly really as he only has bf on waking/ at bedtime (and night, groan) and then the two for naps during day (unless he asks for more, which is rare).

He used to take a bottle but stopped around 4 months or so. I did think of trying to get him to take a bottle again but as he's nearly one is that a bit late as he'll probably have to stop using it soon and move on to a cup? He does drink out of cups (both open and sippy) for water with his meals but the amount he takes is so minimal I can't see him drinking much milk out of a cup either- but it is worth a try I guess! Should I give him formula or cow's milk? I could express - I'll certainly try. But wouldn't think I'll get much as my supply has never been bountiful.

Anyway, am really glad to hear that babies do generally accept that there are different routines for different places. And that the nursery will probably be able to work something out! As for my parents.. Erk. They may need to drive around for a while until we work out a good way of settling him without me! DS is quite, er, vociferous if he doesn't get his way so they may be in for a bit of a battle. Poor souls..

I was where you are a couple of months ago . My childminder has been brilliant and DS now sleeps in the buggy as he wasn't keen on someone else trying to put him in a cot. As others have said, the nursery should be more than used to this situation and I'm sure your LO will catch on pretty quickly and realise that things are different at nursery. My DS has been going to the minder part time for 5 weeks now and he goes in happily and has, on more than one occasion, cried when I have picked him up as he wanted to stay and play. If someone had told me that a couple of months ago I would never have believed them!

Don't worry too much. Babies are hugely adaptable things. I went back to work at 11 months too and when I wasn't there, she just learnt to cope without it and has been absolutely fine.

How is your DS with cups etc?

In my experience, the thought and planning of going back to work when breastfeeding are worse than the reality. Your baby can be eased in far more gently if you continue to breastfeed when you are with him. Express some milk if possible. Your mum or nursery could give it to him from a little plastic beaker, sippy cup or bottle. But you may well find that he doesn't take much and makes up for it from the breast when you are back with him. Breastfeeding mum/baby reunions are lovely. As others have said, don't let anyone talk you into vastly cutting down on breastfeeding when you are not ready. You may well wish you hadn't and feel resentful about it afterwards.

Not to mention the fact that the mothers I know who tried to cut back too quickly ended up with mastitis.

you will find nursery have all sorts of ways to get your LO to sleep

rocking/cuddling etc

I wouldn't stop if YOU aren't ready to

Thanks everyone

Do feel reassured to know the nap situation will work itself out. Although tbh maybe it is time to stop anyway- the feed to sleep no longer seems to be working with regard to his naps and I'm quite fed up and at sea with it all. Sitting next to the world's most incredible sleeping baby on the plane back didn't help - am so envious of people with easy sleepers! (He was FF fed too, which makes me feel like bf was maybe a mistake after all).

Anyway, I know I'm tired and emotional too which doesn't help - and thanks for your advice!

I really don't mind what other people do and I have no BF agenda nobody should feel pressurised to do anything they don't want to.

I stopped BF my three DC's at 12months, 12 months and 9 months respectively and, although I stopped 'cold turkey' it was extremely easy and the DC's got over it in a day or so. I was really really surprised how quickly they stopped asking. I didn't give them bottles afterwards.
I did get mastitis when I stopped feeding one of them so, if you do decide to stop then you should look out for that and go to the Doctors at the first sign.

Both my ds's started nursery still being bf, at age one. Ds2 was much more attached to the boob, really not keen on bottles at all, and had only ever napped in a pram or car. Nursery had him napping on mats with the others within about three weeks and he'll now nap in his cot at home when I need him to. They are miracle workers!

He still doesn't drink much milk at nursery but has a fair bit of water, and he still bf loads when he's with me ( he's 16m now). He's fine, and im happy that we carry on bf until one of us is ready to stop ( though i'd love him to stop feeding at night, another thread entirely!)

Op your dc will be fine

OP, I think it's luck of the draw really rather than FF or BF when it comes to sleeping. My DD was / is EBF and is a good sleeper whilst her second cousin was mixed fed and a terrible sleeper!

I think nursery will have ways of helping him to sleep.
you don't have to give up bfing when you start work. you have to be provided with a clean suitable place to express during your working hours, so the nursery can give him that each day. he can drink it from a sippy cup - when dh is in charge, he feeds dd my milk in a sippy cup because she won't take a bottle either.

I continued feeding both of mine while at nursery, at this age they do pretty well I think with a morning, post nursery and night feed. Though you might find he's more needy at night for a week or so. Always reckon whatever you do not best too many changes at once.

Do what you feel most comfortable with!