Night weaning a toddler

[tuttavia]

DS is 23 months. We co-sleep, and DH and I are happy to continue to co-sleep with DS until DS is happy to sleep in his own bed in his own room.

For the first 18 moths of his life DS had reflux, and would wake every 40-50 minutes throughout the night. He has now outgrown his reflux, and we had a few months where he only woke twice a night, which was great for me and easily manageable.

But now the night-wakings are getting more frequent again and I am suffering. I don't want to start a discussion about this, but I am against both CC and CIO.

However, I am now at the stage of 2 years with very little sleep, and it's really affecting me (and my marriage, and most of the rest of my life).

I have tried explaining to him during the day that at night milk goes to sleep, and he seems to understand - we even play it out with toys, and he says the words of the boy and the mum - "milk, mummy" and "no, sleepy time" and then makes the boy go to sleep in his bed. But I don't think he connects it with the situation when he is half-awake in the middle of the night and wanting milk.

I am happy to continue feeding him during the day, but now I feel that my grumpiness in the morning is probably worse for him than my denying him milk at night would be. I am grouchy and short-tempered in the morning, and forever feeling guilty.

So, anyone know how I do this? Do I let him cry and just hug him? Will he get the message after a few nights? The times I've tried this he's cried so hysterically that I've given in very quickly. Also, DH is willing to take over the nights but DS won't have it - screams his head off. Plus, DH often works abroad (is abroad right now) and is rarely here for more than two consecutive nights)>

Any experience or advice? Sorry for the length!

I've nightweaned DD1 twice and it was successful both times, in a way. The first time was when I was pregnant with DD2, DD1 was about 19 or 20 mo. I just told her 'boobies asleep' and offered her water and a cuddle instead. She was fine with this after 2 or 3 nights BUT it did not stop her from waking up. ANd it all went out of the window when DD2 was born and DD1 could see that the boobies were quite clearly NOT asleep

The second time was quite recent, a couple of months ago maybe, and I just told her that I was too tired to feed her at night any more so she could just have a cuddle. She's fine with this BUT she still wakes up 2 or 3 times a night.

So I guess what I'm saying is that even if nightweaning goes well, it's no guarantee that your DS will start sleeping through- sorry :(

How often is he waking? There might be another cause for his waking. Could be developmental (in which case it will pass), some parents say that allergies are the cause and that a change in diet will help.

I night weaned my DS at around the same age as yours OP. It took two attempts and a good while. The first attempt went badly but the second was successful. Similarly to you, I had to be the one to do the weaning as DP often works nights.

The first time I tried to get DS into his own room/toddler bed at the same time as night weaning. Went cold turkey on the night feeds between a set period of time (9-4). He cried (whilst being cuddled) for two hours the first night, ( I bfed him at bedtime but didn't feed him to sleep). He cried again when he next woke up a couple of hours later, calmed down then often stayed awake complaining/trying to play til 4am, when I would feed him! Sometimes I could rock him to sleep for an hour or so but that was it. So we both got even more sleep deprived. This went on for weeks. It was awful. DS then got ill with a bad case of hand, foot and mouth and I regressed to letting him in our bed and feeding him back to sleep a couple of times per night, after which he refused to even lie in his toddler bed.

My second attempt went better. I put a bed v similar to ours in DS' bedroom (desperate loon klaxon). I moved in there with him. That got him out of our bed. After a week, I stopped feeding him to sleep, and when he protested I gave him a snack (cracker/flavoured rice cake/plain biscuit) and a cuddle. Eventually he learnt to drop off after that with less and less protesting. I did the same if he woke in the night, gradually reducing the length of each bf but still giving snacks. I gradually dropped night feeds altogether then the bedtime feed. Then phased out the snacks by making them smaller/more boring. Whole process second time round took a couple of months. I felt very worried on our first visit to the dentist after that, but seem to have got away with it.

DS continues to be a not-great sleeper at 3.5 but is relatively loafs better. He now sleeps through 8-5 (no naps) around half the week and wakes for a cuddle 1 or 2 times the rest of the time. We replaced his big bed with his toddler bed when he turned 3 and he went in it happily.

Good luck.

Have you tried him in a bed?

Could it be molars?

Are you sure no more reflux? My two have/had this and it was linked to food intolerances too. So went on for longer.

I did night weaning a couple of times with DC1, the oldest was at 27 months and it took 2 nights of big screaming/crying, a 3rd night of a bit of crying...and we were done. Maybe pick the next time your DH is home and have him deal with him?

We have done it with DC2 but he is still only 17mo and teething still very much messing things up, so for now he gets milk at nights.

I haven't tried it but I've heard a couple of people say this method was fairly gentle and worked for them. I might try it one day myself... I'm still night feeding as much as ever too

I know the type of exhaustion you're describing very well...

We night-weaned DS at 24 months, and it turned out to be much, much easier than I expected - the thought of it was much worse than the reality. He was such a boob monster, I thought it'd never end! The biggest problem for me was not the feeding, but his wandering hand trying to get hold of my other nipple to twist it!

The first night was the hardest. I slept in the spare room and left DH with DS. At bedtime he cried for me, but I knew he was safe and being cuddled by his dad. It took him about an hour to settle, crying on an off, but he hardly stirred in the night - I think before he was smelling me in his sleep and not really waking.

The next night was easier - half an hour to settle, then he pretty much slept through!

The third night, I joined them. 14 months later, we're still happily co-sleeping. We're totally weaned now, but he still likes to 'hold the boob' when he needs a little bit of comfort.

Could your DH try two nights? It might be all you need to break the habit.

Good luck!

We used something like the Dr Gordon method when DS1 was about 18 months - worked very well, took about a week. DP did most of the settling for the first few nights while I slept on the crap sofabed downstairs.

we also cosleep and I successfully night weaned at 14 months. when he woke I just cuddled him until he fell asleep. night 1 major tantrums and crying, but I stuck to my guns. dr gordon says if you are there cuddling they wre likely to be angry but not scared, remembering thwt helped me get my head round witholding the one thing I knew would soothe him!
night 2, still had tears but nowhere near as extreme, this went on for a few days. he sometimes still wakes, but doesnt cry just climbs on me for a cuddle

Eau: He's now waking hourly. I don't think it's allergies - he did have intolerances to dairy and soya, and was on a lot of medication, but we're pretty sure he's outgrown them and the reflux.

It could well be developmental, though.

Iggly: It might be molars, but he really doesn't seem to be in pain. He usually points to his mouth when he's having teething pain. Now, he just wants to feed as much as he can throughout the night. He seems quite happy! We have tried him in a bed in his own room, with me sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and it's fine until he wakes for the first time - then he cries even more because he wants us all to be back in our bed.

mummy: We have tried the Jay Gordon method and unfortunately it didn't work for us. I had high hopes, as it makes sense to me and is nice and gentle. Perhaps I'll give it another go.

I think part of the problem is that I'm so worried about letting him get so upset, so I always give in. To those of you who have done this (successfully or not) and your DC have cried or screamed whilst you hug them, did you notice any effect on them the next day? Did they seem more clingy, or less trusting?

thanks for all the responses.

"did you notice any effect on them the next day? Did they seem more clingy, or less trusting?"

No effect whatsoever! And yes, there was some crying and screaming during the process, but it's not like he was genuinely hungry or frightened, just frustrated and cross. It's not something I'd do with a young baby, but a toddler is able to understand that mum and dad are Right There (or nearby) and that sometimes they can't have exactly what they want Right Now.

If you're worried that you'll just cave straight away if he gets upset, can you get your DP to do the first "no milk" nights of the programme?

I think if I left him with DH I'd find it harder, as he'd be even more distressed - he doesn't settle with DH at all.

I'm going to give the Jay Gordon idea another go, though, starting tonight.

Wish me luck!