Breastfeeding worry...

[iheartshoes]

I am 6.5 months pregnant with our first baby and hoping very much to breastfeed (ideally exclusively for the first 6 months) however in September when our baby will be 5 1/2 months old I am a bridesmaid at a wedding. Lately it has really started to play on my mind. It is a very "adult" wedding and there are no other children invited.

Whilst the bride said I could bring my LO if really wanted I got the impression she is not that keen on having a baby there and as it is her special day I just want to go along with it.

However the wedding venue is a good 2 hour drive from where we live, as a result I arranged for my mum to have the baby for that period of time and I would stay at the hotel the night before and then hopefully leave after the first dance etc, I probably wouldnt get back to the baby until about 11pm. However I am now really panicking about this - it will mean me being away for a minimum of 24 hours from my baby and I wont be able to breasfeed. I have thought about expressing but is it going to be possible for me to express enough milk for a whole 24 hour period beforehand? And I am paranoid that if I am producing milk I will leak into my bridesmaids dress or something realy embarassing. Have no idea how it all works.

I am getting really worried and stressed about this already and now feel like I "need" to give up breastfeeding around 3/4 months in order to get baby used to formula and bottles before I go to the wedding.

I am also worried that breastfeeding is going to mean I cant lose enough weight in order to fit in to the bridesmaids dress that has been ordered so that is another thing that I feel is against me on this. I feel now like the only option is to let my friend down and say I cant be her bridesmaid which I really really dont want to do as I dont want to let her down and I was really looking forward to it as it is shaping up to be a lovely day. Breastfeeding my baby is also really really important to me and when I give up I want to make sure it is for the "right" reason and beacuse what me and baby are both ready for and not just for the sake of one day.

Any advice be very much appreciated x

Yes, it is possible to express enough milk so you don't have to wean early. You will probably need to express while you're away to prevent engorgement and leaking but by 5 1/2 months most mothers find they are not too leaky.

In theory what you are describing is completely possible but you'll have to throw all your emotions into the mix- some mothers don't like to be separated from their baby, some don't mind; either is fine!

Some mothers lose weight very easily when BF, some don't- it's hard to say.

If you are worried about whether or not you want to commit as a BM, is there another way you can be part of her wedding day? Maybe have a chat with your friend about it, I'm sure she wouldn't want to put you under pressure and stress you out.

How close are you to the bride?

Is she an understanding soul?

Unless you have your heart set on being a bridesmaid, then seems to me you will be happier going to the wedding as a guest, with your little one alongside you. You have such a major life change ahead of you, yet your thoughts will be dominated by the practicalities and the pressures of this one single day (dress, leaking, expressing, your size and shape :), leaving your baby behind....aaaaagh :( :() .

A good friend will want you to enjoy being a bridesmaid and to look forward with joy to sharing her day. If you can't do this - for very, very good reasons - then the kind thing (IMO) is to say now "I can't do it'' so she has 8-9 mths to get a substitute :)

Panic not! That is plenty of time to express 24hrs of milk. And by then your supply will have settled itself and the chances of leakage is minimal (you could always wear breast pads if you are nervous.

Your breasts may well be too big for the dress, but everyone's breasts are different. Breast feeding is an excellent weight lose tool, for the rest of your body, rather than causing weight gain.

I agree with tiktok - this is an awful lot of stress to put yourself through just to be a bridesmaid.

Woooah there! Slow this pony down!!! Ur 6.5 mths preg. Ur no where near needing to worry about this. Ur going to be so busy soon this wedding should slip down priority list about tenfold....!

That said, it's all possible to do. Some suggestions above. How about that does, u take a breath and trust us and repost a few weeks before hand? U will get tons of help here. We are always here.... X

I have friends who have managed to leave very small exclusively breastfed babies for this period of time, and others (me included) who have been unable to do so - it depends on the baby, on how easy it is to express and whether you are committed to making sure your baby will accept a bottle. It would require a lot of forward planning, and even then there's no guarantee it will work.

My DD was a bottle refuser, so I couldn't have left her for that period of time at 5.5 months as she wouldn't have been able to be fed! If your baby will take a bottle (see the many threads on here about introducing a bottle to a breastfed baby - some will say 'start as soon as possible' - I'm in that camp too - others will warn you about the possibility of baby preferring the bottle, nipple confusion etc - it's a minefield) - then you can move on to how easy you find it to express. I found it pretty easy and could produce a lot of milk via a pump quite quickly - but others don't get a drop out with a pump, it varies a lot. You could use formula for those feeds I suppose, it depends how you feel about it.

Leakage varies a lot too - I have some friends who never used a single breast pad and didn't ever leak. I leaked a lot right up until DD was well onto solids.

And yes, you would need to pump whilst away - as often as your baby normally feeds - otherwise you will be uncomfortable.

It seems like a lot of faff and effort. Could someone come with you and watch your baby at the hotel so you can sneak off and feed as required? That might be the easiest and least stressful route really, if you don't want to take the baby to the wedding.

I wouldn't worry too much about the dress - a good seamstress can right that without problems. I used to sell wedding dresses and you would be astonished what a skilled seamstress can do!

It's a tricky one as you won't know how you feel until nearer the time. Recently went to a child free wedding with one bf baby and everyone was smitten. I was happy to leave my dd with mum overnight at 6 months with expressed but know some that wouldn't be. Could your mum stay in b&b near to venue? That might be a silly idea, or mum might like it.
Do you want to be a bridesmaid?
Also agree that bf helps you lose weight. Your boobs will probably look fab!

emsy great minds and all that.

Er finally if this helps, bf uses about 500 extra calories a day. U could have as much issue keeping weight on as getting it off depending in ur shape of course.

Much like all else tho, good diet n excercise are key to it.

Don't stress about things unnecessarily at this stage - you haven't even given birth yet!

When my LO was 6 months I had to leave him for 48 hours with my DM whilst we went house hunting in another part of the country. He had just started weaning (was taking a few teaspoons of pureed veg/fruit/porridge), and I had, from about 6 weeks, given him a bottle of EBM (expressed breast milk) which I left with my mum. Also, by then he was drinking cooled boiled water from a beaker. I took a breast pump with me, as by then the milk is well established and you will need to draw off some milk for your own well-being). Whilst it is not ideal, it is doable.

Of course, my DS2 would not take beaker or bottle, only breast until he was 2, and was completely impossible to put down at night without a nipple in his mouth. However, until you're actually at about 4 months, you've really no idea how you and your baby will be at 5 months.

Personally, I would plan to take my baby to the wedding - it is not an unreasonable expectation to have a breastfeeding baby of that age at a wedding, even if 'children' (spit) are not invited . You could also consider taking your mum along to look after your LO during the ceremony and reception, with you popping out to feed and have a cuddle if you or the baby needed it.

FWIW, Tiktok has been on MN for years, and her advice is very sound. Whilst it is lovely to be asked to play a role in friend's wedding, when you have a young baby, just getting to a wedding is a big deal in itself. You might find you feel less stress if you say to your friend that you'll be there, but that you'd like to be an ordinary guest and bring your baby along too. If she is not bride-zilla and understands what babies and mums are like in real life, then she'll understand.

Wow... first time using this website and did not expect this much support !!! Thank you all !!

i probably am worrying about it waaay ahead of time but I am a worrier by nature and things play on my mind. In an ideal world I would probably prefer to go to the wedding as a guest with baby and then just be able to sneak off to feed. But at the same time she is a good friend, and I was really honoured when she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I dont want to let her down.

I feel slightly panicky at the thought of leaving baby already, but my hubby has said that he thinks a night away might be good for me and I might want some time to myself by then.. but I dont know !!! I might just have to ask my friend about it and see what she says. Its a good 2 hours drive from where we live which makes it difficult, as if it was any nearer it would be easier to ask my mum or someone to come and meet me at hotel with baby. Thing is if I am not going to be a bridesmaid I need to mention it to my friend sooner rather than later as I want her to be able to ask someone else. I just hope she wont think im being ungrateful. But ideal world I would go to wedding with hubby and baby as a guest, less pressure and then we would all stay there the night after.

I think you've just answered your own question.

I have been to weddings with young babies - it's not the same anyway as pre-baby days. You'll be knackered from months of sleep deprivation and probably have to duck out when the speeches are given and they start wailing.

That said, you may be lucky - s/he might sleep peacefully whilst you stuff your face with the lunch, and fall asleep in a pram whilst you strut your stuff on the dancefloor.

What we're all saying is that you can't plan that far ahead, so go for the what would be the easiest option and take the pressure off.

I'm sorry but your DH may be unaware of the realities of having a tiny baby. A night away will probably not be good for you if you are stressing the entire time, having to wake up to express from painful boobs etc. It'll affect your supply and your mother might well have a nightmare with a baby who desperately wants her mummy and to feed.

I would gracefully resign as a bridesmaid.

Did you hear that we were a nest of vipers?

This forum has been really helpful to me for breastfeeding support. Also going to a breastfeeding group (LLL, Baby Cafe, locally run groups etc) can be really helpful. Most of them welcome pregnant women and you may get an info pack or something.

Only you can decide whether you want to be away from your baby. You might get a lot of people telling you that you need a break, your baby needs to get used to being away from you etc but if you don't want to be away from your baby then that is fine, a lot of mothers feel the same way- perfectly normal :)

Yes, I think I have pretty much made up my mind. All along I think I knew it probably wasnt really going to work. I think my friend would probably prefer to know now rather than me tell her in june/july time. Gracefully resigning as bridesmaid is the way forward and that way I might actually be able to enjoy the wedding rather than worry and show off my baby (!). Do you think it is out of order to ask to bring the baby with me?

Think i might have to come on here more often with more of my pregnancy/baby worries !!!

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask if you can bring your baby but if your friend wants a child-free wedding then she may ask you not to- she should be prepared for people to not be able to come if she requests adults only though.

At 5.5 mo, I'm pretty sure your baby will be counted as a tiny baby that will probably sleep/gurgle/look about/be cuddled much of the time. It won't require catering, and if it gets noisy, breastfeeding is a great way to calm/send to sleep/quiet your baby during speeches/ceremony etc... I have been to a few weddings with mine at various times that said no children but tbh it wasn't really an option for me - In the early stages, we very much came as a whole package, and each bride was cool with that - (also the bride will be so so busy herself that on the day, she prob won't care!) There was never any problems and they were as good as gold. I also fed my 12 month old his bedtime (ish) feed in the car at the most recent wedding - he was driven over by Grandma , fed and off they went to do bedtime. All was fine.

Iheartshoes, you sound like me, I would be thinking about something like this way in advance too - I wasn't even pregnant and already looking into breastfeeding techniques as lots of my friends found it hard :)

To answer your question, I personally would leave my baby (now 3 months old) with my mum. He's always been a good sleeper, so I'm not sleep deprived. He was given 1 bottle of expressed breast milk a day from a few weeks so I know he can take a bottle and I express 8oz of milk for my freezer everyday so I don't feel 'trapped' by breastfeeding & know I have the option of going to the gym/cinema/out with friends etc. I would be worried that he would miss me though so I would want whoever had him for that long to be very familiar to him.

On the weight loss front, I weigh less than I did pre-preg but I have no waist and my boobs are now a J cup rather than their previous D!

On the other hand I have a friend who would not leave her 7 month old with anyone for more than a few hours as she just wasn't comfortable with it. Another friend whose baby wont take a bottle and another friend who can't express.

At 5.5 months you'd probably not want to give formula as even 1 bottle would change your babies gut flora to the same as a formula fed baby which would mean that baby wouldn't have the added allergy protection that BF gives. This would be important at 5.5 months as you'd presumably wean onto solids at 6 months and the gut flora can take 2-4 weeks to go back to a BF babies. You could of course delay weaning.

This last part might not make any sense, I'm not very good at explaining, but www.health-e-learning.com/articles/JustOneBottle.pdf this article]] will explain if you want to read.

So basically, it's one of those wait and see things :) Is the wedding in a hotel? Would your mum be happy to tag along, maybe you could have the baby in the wedding for a few hours and your mum can get some spa stuff and then your mum can take the baby off and you can nip back for feedings?

Sorry my link didn't work: this article will explain if you want to read.

Years ago, my son was 4 months when I was a bridesmaid. My mother-in-law drove him to me at the reception and I sloped off to a bedroom to feed him. Having said that it was only 5 miles away. How about if someone else came with you to look after the baby for the day (mum, sister, friend?), she could stay in a hotel nr. the reception venue and then visits you every 4 hours at the wedding, you could retire to a bedroom, or whatever, to feed. That way you won't be leaking over your dress and get the best of both worlds

shouldIbecrossaboutthis - thank you for the link & the article, makes sense

Just had a really good long chat with my other friend about it (also a bridesmaid) and she thought our friend getting married would be fine with it all and would rather I attended the wedding and enjoyed it and pointed out that wthout being a bridesmaid there is no real pressure so I can decide to take/not take baby nearer the time depending on how im doing. Don't know if I am being unrealistic wanting to EBF for 6 months & how I will find it, but definitely want to give it my best shot & give up for the right reasons.

My mum has offered to come and stay in the hotel for a day with baby but to be honest I dont really want to put her out like that & i think that attending wedding as a non bridesmaid but ideally with baby would be my best option.

On a selfish level as well not being a bridesmaid just means I can wear a dress that I feel comfortable in and not have to worry about trying to crash diet to fit into another outfit while breastfeeding.

"My mum has offered to come and stay in the hotel for a day with baby but to be honest I dont really want to put her out like that "

I bet your mum would LOVE it!!! I know my mum would have done.

You should do what you feel comfortable with; enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and plan to have a lovely time at the wedding.