Can somebody give me a pep talk please - breastfeeding past 6 months (!), in night etc

[KD0706]

Bit of a self indulgent post but would appreciate a bit of chat from similar mums.

DD2 is almost 11 months old. She is doing great with her solids. But my feeding issues are that she only tends to want one feed a day, then bedtime, then three overnight. And she's getting her top teeth and feeding is just that little bit uncomfortable and 'toothy'.

I fed DD1 till she was about 20 months old so I have been here before and don't want to stop. But I'm just tired, everybody around me this time round seems to think its mad to feed past six months. Lots of friends and family think its insane to breastfeed a second child at all. Lots of the usual pressure about leaving her to cry at night.

DD1 is now 2y 8m and sleeps generally fine so I guess I know deep down it will all work out, but a little bit of support and hand holding would be much appreciated.

The best piece of advice I read when in a similar position was do you perceive you and your child to have a sleep problems, is the current situation one you want to change? If yes then do if not then when asked by people how's the baby sleeping, just say its working for me thanks, and leave it there. Or if needed just lie! I found as soon as people though my baby was sleeping through they left me alone and stopped offering unwanted advice.

If you don't want to stop BFing, then don't stop :)

But if the night waking is getting you down, have you tried any other way of settling her? Do you think she's actually hungry, or just needs to be soothed to sleep? I'm currently up twice a night with a 14 week old and I know that shoving a boob in her mouth is the easiest way to get her back to sleep ;) but could you try cuddling her to sleep? Does she have a feed or a drink before bed?

She's twice gone through phases of only being up once a night. And up until this past week she was just up twice a night. I'm hoping maybe it's teeth and it will pass...

She does seem to take a decent feed each time.

My concern about some sort of night weaning is that she will get herself into a state and then be harder to settle.

Also, isn't eleven months reasonably early for night weaning (living in hippy bubble??)

What would happen if you offered more boob during the day? Would she take it? I'd work on the principle she is basically reverse cycling like a newborn, and try those tactics to gently reduce night feeds.

Why would the WHO advocate feeding til 2 if it was madness to carry on past 6 months?

And feeding no 2 your self makes complete sense - bottle feeding seems to require 2 arms (observation - never done it) where as bf can be done with one arm most of the time allowing one arm for interacting with DC1

Hi KD0706, my DD is the same age as yours and has fed once or twice a night since she was tiny (obviously more when she was really tiny). It had been getting me increasingly down recently, I love breastfeeding but I just want to spend a night in my own bed all night. She was teething over xmas, but now that's done with (for now... she only has 2) we decided to start weaning her off milk at night. My DH did the first night, all wake-ups, so I got a lovely sleep - and the next night she only woke once and I rocked her to sleep again and kept my boobs to myself! Now I know she can do it I feel more positive about it working ... it's only Night 3 tonight, but I'm optimistic. Give it a go.
Incidently, also have had the pressure from family to leave her to cry etc and wholeheartedly agree with Katz's advice to ignore/lie. A sleep "problem" is only a "problem" if it gets you down!

We might weaned our milk monster at 13 months by DH going in and settling, after cutting feeds right down. I now think we should have done it sooner. She is now a super good sleeper and even when poorly is rarely up at night, so all that night time attention early on was obviously worth it :)

So what you feel is right, and night weaning doesn't need to be too hard or traumatic.

Hi.

Firstly, well done to you as I know how hard it is when you have other children to care for. You're obviously loving the feeding deep down but just going through a hard time as we do on this rollercoaster!

I have a 15 mth old who I am currently weaning off night feeding, and I think any earlier would have been difficult tbh. We are struggling even now, but he is gradually getting good at it. With hubby's help it is working quite well.
My light bulb moment was when I realised that DS had to self-settle after the bedtime feed to ensure he knew where he was on falling asleep. This set the tone for the night and he now wakes twice in 12 hours which is brilliant, and is getting better at self-settling. He is also in his own room so it's a gradual detachment from me.

I don't believe babies settle into a 'set' routine at this sort of age, they are too young. My DS has gone through all sorts of sleep patterns, and if it isn't colds then it's teeth upsetting him. It's daft to think they can stay in one pattern for good.

Sleeping next to each other really helped me at your stage and I would dream feed baby thru night.

I hope you can manage something that works for you and yours x

My dd is 10 months and the wheels have fallen of big style re sleeping. Thank god for bf that's all i say. Its the only thing that gets us thru the night with some sleep at the moment. She was night weaned i suppose a few months ago as she naturally started going all night without feeding but its all gone a bit awol recently and i am so glad i can use bf to get some sleep
Do what gets you most sleep is my mantra!!!!

Thanks everybody.

She's such a good contented little thing in the day time. And she can self settle. Just seems to lately fancy a few overnight feeds.

I'm going to go with it for maybe a week or so and see if it's just a growth spurt or another bit of teething.

It's nice to know I'm not alone.

A bit of comfort for all of us is that my DD1 did eventually start sleeping through and she was such a nightmare sleeper - up every two hours even when co sleeping.

I'm just not sure I can be bothered night weaning. When she wakes in the night it's usually just a fifteen minute feed and everybody's back asleep.