Nursing Strike (I think) - how long should I keep trying - any advice please?

[bumbleweed]

My 6 month old dd is refusing her bed-time bfeed, and it is really upsetting me as well as making me worry about her milk intake. Its been getting gradually worse over the last 6 weeks until tonight she was physically pushing me away (a tad heart-breaking). She is quite distractible during the main part of the day, but can usually get her to take a couple of good long feeds and 2-3 shorter ones.

The bed-time routine goes like this - I feed her before bath time (cluster feeding used to help her sleep longer at night), dh baths her and gets her ready for bed, I do the last feed in the bedroom, and she used to feed to sleep and either stay asleep when I put her in the cot or need a bit of extra settling.

She no longer feeds to sleep - in fact she seems to be resisting that last feed because she 'knows' its bed time. She's been waking loads during the night for various reasons - teething, rolling over and not being able to roll back, but has also gone back to wanting 3 feeds per night. Night-times are a complete nightmare for me, I am totally sleep-deprived due to having to feed or settle her 6-10 times (have another thread on this!!). If she doesnt feed to sleep I have no means of getting her to sleep - she wont settle herself, she just screams, and she is getting too heavy to rock to sleep for more than 5 mins and this is not working.

Sorry going on a bit because upset, my main question is how long should I keep offering her the breast before I give up on the feed and summon dh to try to get her to sleep? Plus any other tips on how to get her to start feeding again - I am doing loads of cuddling, some skin-to-skin, offer frequently during the day etc.

Any advice appreciated.

Why don't you try ditching the before bath feed?

Hi - I wondered about this myself, so today I fed earlier than usual. But you might be right - tomorrow will I ditch altogether if I can time it right so that she is not really hungry by this time. Thanks for replying.

Have you thought about sleep training or just offering a bottle of water at night, ds used to feed 3 - 4 times a night and i was exhausted.... but he was eating badly during the day and fussy with the breast feeds. He is a bit older but sleep training did the trick for us, now he eats well during the day has four good breast feeds and two formula feeds (after breakfast and after lunch) and seems to associate the evening feed as calm down for sleep time. am not sure but dd might be to young for controlled crying but a bit of perserverence with bottles of water during the night will probably give her a more sensible day time appetite, she might even sleep better if there is nothing exciting to wake up for. listen to me the b/f sleep guru???? took me 11 months to sort mine out so i really do sympathise with how you feel!... have you started weaning yet, if you are worried about milk intake then try giving petit filous (?spelling) and/or mixing all her food with expressed/formula milk.
Hope you get it sorted!

In terms of sleep-training we have been trying to settle her in the cot without always picking up - but without much success as she just cries alot. Controlled crying is a big no-no for us - we are not into leaving her to cry at all.

Thanks for the suggestion regarding the water - will think that one through. She only rarely has a bottle of ebm so not she how she will react - to be honest, I could live with 2 feeds a night if I could get her to sleep without so much crying and know she had a good feed before bed-time.

Bumble - you may find once she gets the hang of rolling back the night feeds will reduce again

My DS is 14 mths now and still has occasionally night feeds. For me a quick feed and back to sleep without yelling is much much easier than any sleep training

thanks blondie

can anyone else advise re getting her to take her bed-time feed again?

Bumbleweed - my DS (8 months so a bit older) has been point blank refusing his bedtime feed lately. It's been causing me a lot of worry and stress! He's still a bad sleeper though so no different there. So can't helop with the nighttime feed. All I would suggest is that if she is well fed and hydrated that don't worry about putting her to bed without a feed. My DS feeds anywhere between 0 + 3 times a night. No apparent rhyme or reason. In fact, when he goes to bed with an empty tummy he seems to sleep better!

What we have found works for settling DS to sleep is quite contrary to a lot of people... we try and make sure he isn't overtired or overstimulated (difficult!) and put him in his cot in a very dark rooma and wal;k out immediately. He seems to prefer being left alone to nod off. He has a dummy which helps, but he also does a self soothing moaning noise. So if you've exhausted all the soothing options then you could maybe try leaving him alone? I don't let my DS cry it out though. Well not for more than a minute or so as I know it gets us nowhere.

Typing out loud here...what's her daytime sleep like? Is she feeding to sleep then? Is she getting plenty of naps?

hi tipex, she's only just started solids this week, so only really 'tastes' at this stage, she's not really swallowing much, so may be another month before it makes much difference to milk intake. I have tried just lying down next to her on the bed to see if just cuddling up might help her settle, but she just grabs my hair and face and arms and cries and wrestles with me. She doesnt 'get' just cuddling up, she likes to be held in my arms upright when I'm standing but doesnt sit back and relax when sitting on my knee.

Missing the pre-bath feed has helped tonight, thankfully. Although it involved distracting her a bit and bath earlier than usual - she took a decent feed and then cried for a few mins before going off in my arms. I will try your suggestion of later bed-time I think for nights when she has had her afternoon nap later on. Overtiredness does make her grouchy, but tbh I think shes a person who needs to be exhausted to get off to sleep properly.

Cheers for the encouragement, but please tell me that things improved for you before 14 months - I think another 8 months of this would finish me off!