Bottlefeeding - nice, friendly, positive thread anyone?

Jessajam · 2006-04-19T15:37:15+00:00

DO feel free to join in. Not an anti breast feeding thread. Support for those who are not/did not breast feed. Sharing experiences etc. [smile]

Original poster

Jessajam · 19/04/2006 16:42

OK
I tried to breast feed, I really really did, but ended up expressing until 18 weeks, during which time ds had a mixture of breast and formula.
That first bottle feed was the first time I enjoyed my baby. before then, every time he cried I thought it was for food and went pale ( really) at the anticipation of pain and failure and tears ( both of us).

Remember phoning dh after bottle feed to say "I just smiled during a feed"...it was, for me, a break through moment.

OP posts:

sweetheart · 19/04/2006 16:45

SNAP - started a similar thread great minds......

Well like I said on there I bf dd (and hated it) so ff her.
Then I bf ds (and loved it) but he ahd a tounge tie so I expressed for 3 months and am now ff'ing.

Everyone says bf'ing is natural but I didn't find it was and it took lots of attention from the HV and BF councellor to get it right second time. I wasn't given the support first time round and it was a horrible experience.

snuffy143 · 19/04/2006 16:55

I'm probably missing the point of contentious chat but after two babes who I breast fed past age 2, I reckon whatever suits you and your child is best. I was stupid about breast feeding and tortured myself (and anyone within a 10 mile radius) about it regularly. I ended up with post partum psychosis after my second so bf is no guarantee to happiness! Do whatever feels right for you and your family.

JoolsToo · 19/04/2006 17:19

oh go on then!
tried bfing dd because I thought it was 'the right thing to do' (and it is) but deep down I knew I didn't want to, she was a lazy feeder too, still is very picky .

Anyway the bottle feeding experience for me was nothing but positive. The eye contact you get when bottle feeding is wonderful and special part of feeding for me. I had no negatives comments, no pressure, no nothing, I was just allowed to do what I felt suited both me and my dc also dh loved taking his turn and was always willing to do a night feed - he used to fight me to push the pram too!

I can't recall in my sphere of friends at that time that we even discussed each other's methods of feeding - conversation was around how our little ones were developing. In fact, the only time I've ever come across heated debate on the subject is on this forum 30 odd years after having my children and I have now promised myself to stay well from anymore debates as they achieve nothing but ill feeling.

To conclude I really enjoyed my bottle feeding experience

Chloe55 · 19/04/2006 17:57

I bf for four weeks. I did have the support from mw and hv and eventually mastered the art but I still hated bf. I also did not find the process natural and would get myself het up before each feed. I would shout at dh, I also used to look down at ds and feel a bit like I am hating this thing draining me physically and emotionally It still upsets me to think of how much I resented ds for having such control over me as silly as it sounds. I finally started to mix feed and like you said Jools, everytime he looked up at me on a bottle feed I grinned with sheer love for him. In the end I weighed up my options and decided that having pure love for him whilst feeding was much more pleasurable I'm sure for both of us than feeling resentment towards him. I also got mastitis which didn't swing things in the bf favour.

I'd like to point out that I really wish I had enjoyed the bf process more though as I would have preferred ds to have breast milk for as long as possible.

amyjade · 19/04/2006 18:12

I only managed to breastfeed for a few days with Dd1 and 7 weeks with Dd2. Breastfeeding for me was a struggle, problems latching on etc.
I felt proud of myself that i'd given both girls a good start even if Dd1 did only get colostrum but never once felt guilty for switching either of them to formula milk.

Hope to try and breastfeed the next one but somehow i don't feel it comes naturally to me so if i only manage a few days or weeks next time so be it.

Swiching to formula was a relief with Dd2, it was middle of summer and everything i wore you could see two big breastpads!!! and another thing i could at last wear an underwired bra, those maternity feeding bras make your boobs look like pasties!!

Mercy · 19/04/2006 18:59

I ff both of mine from very young - for different reasons, although I didn't plan to.

dd developed jaundice within hours of being born. She was very sleepy and brought up a lot of bile. As a result she was nasal fed at least twice and given phototherapy (plus several blood test taken from her heel). At no point was I given any advice as to what I should be doing re feeding.

When we came home 3 days later, it was even worse - except it for one lovely HV, the midwives were distinctly unhelpful. dd couldn't latch on and by day 10 I caved in and ff her. She suddenly became a very happy baby - and I became one happy mum. And it was great that I could share the feeding with dh - he loved it!

With ds, all started well. Except after a few days I started getting dreadful headaches immediately following feeding. I had 4 or 5 different midwives visit me in 10 days and not a single one could advise me as to how to solve the problem. After one month I gave up and went onto ff.

It is a faff doing ff - but babies must be fed somehow.

Pruni · 19/04/2006 19:05

Well, I've told various aspects of my story at various times, and don't want to bore people with it again.
Tongue-tie (undiagnosed), jaundice, formula in bottles in hospital, no help, christmas baby so I didn't want to call counsellors because it was their holiday (this was insane), dh not having a clue, all and sundry telling me ff was fine - healthcare professionals included, those who were telling me to stick at it not giving me any practical help even though they knew how to do it, my total and utter unpreparedness for any of this.
The only good thing was I expressed for bloody ages (well, 4 months, it felt like a lifetime) and so I knew he'd got all I had, including colostrum.
Bottlefeeding was calm and organised and a completely different existence at that time.
However I would not aim to do it again.

AllieBongo · 19/04/2006 19:09

ds was only diagnosed with tongue tie at aged 3 so explains my bf nightmare! I became depressed, as I was frustrated, young, inexperienced and knackered. Bottle feeding made us both happier and he is great health wise. I tried again with dd (lasted about 12hrs, she was 8lb 15 an v greedy) felt the same pain and misery descending again, so I stopped before it got to that point. I do admire women that breastfed, but it was not right for me or my kids!

Pruni · 19/04/2006 19:10

By unpreparedness, I mean despite having read up on it, nothing prepared me for the reality of a baby who was super-sleepy, tongue-tied, and wanted to feed hourly but would only feed for a minute before falling asleep again. I was in bits, I really was.
I have since tried to find out everything I can about jaundiced babies and b/f, and you know what - there is hardly any information out there beyond 'tickle his feet', 'take his clothes off' and 'you need to get fluids into him'.
Never mind the active disinformation about tongue-tie...

Mercy · 19/04/2006 19:12

Pruni, I didn't know your story so happy to read it I thought NCT only did yoga classes etc, had idea they did bf counselling, ditto LLL.

pramfilla · 19/04/2006 20:14

Joolstoo what a nice positive post. Its a pity the other thread descended into name calling etc. but some people always think they are right dont they?

pramfilla · 19/04/2006 20:16

Chloe well done for coming through it. It is terrible the guilt that is inspired by not being able to breastfeed.

Why do you think it is? Is it similar to peer pressure at school?

manitz · 19/04/2006 21:20

i bf dd1 until 3.5m then found out she had severe failure to thrive (similar to pruni, no latch on early, v sleepy thought tongue tied then bf counsellor said she had a bubble palette but noone in uk had heard of or could help). basically had been starving her - went to dietician who didn't turn up so got formula, turned out she had milk protein allergy so mix fed with nutramigen and expressed milk until 6 months then full bottle (with chocolate added so went down well at nct coffee mornings!!!).

dd2 latched on well and thought it was all going well but also had ftt at same age.not allergic to milk though hurrah.

liked bits of each. found that when bfing really wanted to continue but once given up was v happy. think hormones made me feel like that. annoyed that nutramigen doesn't come ready made, difficult if its boiling hot to give to hungry child. didn't relaly like the whole starving my baby thing .

found that whilst it is good that there is support to help you bf, it would also be good if someone on the lll/nct lines just supported you giving up if your child is undernourished. my friend trained to be a bf counsellor and she said about 10% of women find it incredibly hard, need a dark room no outside stimulation etc etc. (it cld be 2%) but my point is that they always said to me 'anyone can do it'. That might be true but how does that make you feel when you can't??

sorry for going on but wanted to post on other thread as i do get annoyed about the advice i was given. I DID want to bf i DID think it would be better for them, ultimately it wasn't.

I will still bf if i have another child. I will do it in a dark room and wont go out but I will stop at 5-6 montsh if not able to do it in the light as it isn't good for other types of development to be in the dark so long, unless you are a mushroom.

manitz · 19/04/2006 21:22

i bf dd1 until 3.5m then found out she had severe failure to thrive (similar to pruni, no latch on early, v sleepy thought tongue tied then bf counsellor said she had a bubble palette but noone in uk had heard of or could help). basically had been starving her - went to dietician who didn't turn up so got formula, turned out she had milk protein allergy so mix fed with nutramigen and expressed milk until 6 months then full bottle (with chocolate added so went down well at nct coffee mornings!!!).

dd2 latched on well and thought it was all going well but also had ftt at same age.not allergic to milk though hurrah.

liked bits of each. found that when bfing really wanted to continue but once given up was v happy. think hormones made me feel like that. annoyed that nutramigen doesn't come ready made, difficult if its boiling hot to give to hungry child. didn't relaly like the whole starving my baby thing .

found that whilst it is good that there is support to help you bf, it would also be good if someone on the lll/nct lines just supported you giving up if your child is undernourished. my friend trained to be a bf counsellor and she said about 10% of women find it incredibly hard, need a dark room no outside stimulation etc etc. (it cld be 2%) but my point is that they always said to me 'anyone can do it'. That might be true but how does that make you feel when you can't??

sorry for going on but wanted to post on other thread as i do get annoyed about the advice i was given. I DID want to bf i DID think it would be better for them, ultimately it wasn't.

I will still bf if i have another child. I will do it in a dark room and wont go out but I will stop at 5-6 montsh if not able to do it in the light as it isn't good for other types of development to be in the dark so long, unless you are a mushroom.

Mercy · 19/04/2006 21:45

sorry, can see that my post had various 'things' missing from it.

Pruni, I meant I don't know your story, so was happy to hear it for the first time - not I was happy to hear about your bad experience iyswim.

my dd was badly jaundiced too, within hours of being born. I'd never heard of it before. My mum, brother and I are also tongue-tied - my mum says it was a nightmare feeding us, just as you have described. The two things combined must have been...well, I don't know - f'ing hell on earth.

Pruni · 19/04/2006 21:55

Mercy [smile}
It didn't cross my mind that you meant anything else!

It was fairly bad. I think tbh I would only have been able to mix-feed, which we effectively did anyway for a while. I never ever want to see another breast pump, btw...

Mercy · 19/04/2006 22:22

God I hate breast pumps too. Half an hour of squeezing for a dribble of milk - I hated the way my boobs felt when doing it - and the irritating squelchy noise.

Chloe55 · 20/04/2006 08:57

And bloody swollen nipples after having a pump latched on for 30mins - ouch!

kipper22 · 20/04/2006 09:02

Ok, I'm very different to the rest in that, if I'm honest, I really never wanted to bf. Have every respect for those who do and can see that it is healthier but (SORRY) the thought of doing it myself makes me feel ill (SORRY AGAIN!) despite this I did plan to but the fact that I had to wait more than 12 hours to be sutured prompted midwives to ask if I was sure about bfing which was my opportuinty to heave a sigh of relief and give ds his first bottle. He took to ff immediately and is the only baby in my circle of friends to have put on weight from day 1. He has always been a content baby and has never cried for food - happy with 4 hourly feeds and slept through from 6 weeks old. At 8 months we are still thoroughly enjoying solid and milk feed times. Like others I love the eye contact and I really enjoy watching DH or DM share that specialness (Made that word up I think!) when they feed him.
I am satisfied that the worries over weight and rotton teeth aren't a huge concern - he drinks only water, stops when he's full not when the bottles empty and I would never leave him to feed himself in his cot, for example, as I couldn't bear to think he was being cute and cuddly without me there!

Chloe55 · 20/04/2006 09:11

I know where you are coming from with the whole 'feeling ill' part of bf. I didn't actually expect to feel this way - I honestly thought I would absolutely love bf but as I was feeding ds I could cringe and feel slightly sick for the way it was making me feel, it really did feel so unatural to me.

12 hours of sutures?

Chloe55 · 20/04/2006 09:12

I know where you are coming from with the whole 'feeling ill' part of bf. I didn't actually expect to feel this way - I honestly thought I would absolutely love bf but as I was feeding ds I could cringe and feel slightly sick for the way it was making me feel, it really did feel so unatural to me.

12 hours of sutures?

eidsvold · 20/04/2006 11:22

i bottlefed but started with a tube fed babe who hadmixed feeds - ebm and formula and then onto formula at about 6 weeks. She did not have bottles until she was almost 3 months old.... as I said before that ng tube feeds.

It was great - 4hourly feeds - dh could take his turn and take over if I needed to do something. I figured I had enough to worry about with her cardiac defect than to be worried about breastfeeding etc..... feeding times were still great bonding sessions and she is doing well.

Breastfed dd2 - but without the support of my fab sil who let me call her anytime and talk for hours and have her support and help I would have gone straight to the bottles again - and would not have felt bad for it....

I really believe each to their own... whatever works for you... for whatever reason.if I have another - no idea what I might do.

eidsvold · 20/04/2006 11:23

oops it did take a while for my milk to come in and so dd2 did have mix feeding with some bottles as I could not satisfy her for a while.... again did not feel bad about it.

kipper22 · 21/04/2006 10:18

Thanks Chloe55 - that's what I thought! had a perfectly natural birth at a lovely midwife led unit. they were worried my tear might be worse than they could suture so transferred me to hospital by ambulance. hospital was manic so I was left for 12 hours, by which time I had to have a spinal anaesthetic! not impressed. took another 8 hours before anyone noticed my legs and ds's head were still covered in blood... sorry this is a whole other story!