Help, clueless about what how long to breast feed for!

[Nikatron]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and plan to breast feed. No breastfeeding advice from the midwives yet but starting antenatal classes next week so should get a better idea of what is involved in the early days (and of course will start scouring the feeding threads).

The reason I am posting is that I have been invited to a hen party abroad in July when the baby will be four and a half months old. I would only go for a few days due to finances. I will need to say yes or no to the invite soon but don't know how this will affect the baby's feeding if I do go (and don't want to lose the money if I say yes then pull out nearer the time).

If I went my DP would stay at home with the baby. So can I start breast feeding, then over time combine this with formula then exclusively formula? Has anyone else considered / done this? I don't know how I would even feel about leaving the baby at this stage (it will be soo small still!). I'm not normally a holiday abroad person but this is a family member and I would love to go so just looking for some Mumsnet reality checks!

It would be possible for you to breastfeed and either introduce some bottles or express and freeze milk in advance.
But if you're exclusively bf your baby, going away for a few days could be a problem both in terms of your supply (and comfort) and also storing enough to feed the baby.
Is taking the baby with you any kind of an option?
Some people are fine with leaving a baby of that age, others couldn't do it - it's very much a personal choice and difficult to know ahead of the baby arriving which you will be!

Yes I agree, you really don't know til you've settled into having a baby around whether you feel ok about leaving them. Can you look into going as a family? You can get the best of both worlds then, a break plus less worry.

Some bf babies will not take a bottle.

I wouldn't have known before I had DS that there was no way on earth I'd have left him overnight at 4 months except in the case of extreme illness... I didn't know how strongly I'd feel about exclusively bfing him to 6 months either. I know people do leave babies of that age with their dads but I think most would find it really hard. If in doubt I'd say no. Not worth it.

And I don't think expressing and leaving expressed milk in bottles is really feasible you'd have such a lot to express in those four months, and most advice says don't start expressing till after 6 weeks.

I would say no - there is no way on earth you will want to leave your baby for that amount of time, breastfeeding or not.

I would say it will be hard to leave a baby that age if they are exclusively bfed. They may no it take a bottle, you may not be able to express (not everyone can) basically it is impossible to know now if it would be OK.

I struggled to leave my bf baby toddler (17 months) for the first time 1 month ago over night she survived but I didn't, i hated not being with her.

You don't know how you will feel about leaving him or her. I say this as someone who had grand plans with my career and business whilst on maternity leave, had decided a parenting 'style' and it all went out of the window! I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more than snuggle up with baby and care for her (The business idea is on hold for now). I also was invited to go on a girly weekend at around the same time and I refused it politely.

In the reality of it all, a baby changes your life, your priorities and your thoughts on what constitutes a 'nice' night out. If it was a hen party in a nearby city I'd say go for it, put the deposit down as you have options to get back home if needed (taxi, someone could pick you up). Abroad makes things far more difficult as there is no 'nipping' back home option. You will have no idea if baby will take a bottle (mine did and then later refused at 12 weeks old) or if you will feel too much pull to stay at home.

Thinking outside the box, do a family holiday with DP and take baby with you?

As for how long to breastfeed it is of course up to you. I wanted to get to 6 months because of the virgin gut thing but by then we were going strong and neither of us wanted to stop. Still don't at 13 months...

What you're talking about is definitely possible. You'd basically have the choice of three options:

1. Formula from day one.
2. Breast milk from the beginning, then gradually change to formula in the run un to the trip.
3. Breast milk the whole time, stockpile expressed milk before leaving, express while away.

If you choose option 2, please consider that the time taken for production to stop can vary. Don't stop suddenly, or you may be more likely to experience mastitis. I found that it helped to mix formula and expressed milk in the same bottle, but avoid shaking breast milk.

If you choose option 3, you will be better off learning to express sooner rather than later. As PPs have said, some babies do not switch well between breast and bottle, so it's just good to be prepared. Also, expressing can feel weird. Starting to breastfeed is like this wash of "OMG! I am woman!" whereas being hooked up to a pump starts out like "OMG. I am cow." but then gets to become quite normal, to the extent that you're answering the door with the motor going.

If you plan to breastfeed after the trip, then it will be essential to express while away. You can either freeze it, or just chuck it. The stress of travelling with the milk and the possibility of having a few large glasses of wine would make the latter the best choice.

How long is a piece of string, DD1 BF very badly and always had bottles as well.

She gave up totally at 5 months.

DD2 bF for way over 5 years and total refused to touch a bottle ever.

Honestly I wouldn't be booking a child free trip at 4.5 months

I still think littleacceb's number 3 is very unrealistic given the timeframe for expressing. An ebf baby of that ages feeds nearly all day anyway, would you really want to spend precious time when you aren't feeding hooked up to a pump? I remember those moments being pretty vital for making tea and showering. Later, after 6 months would be a different proposition.

As others have said, it's so difficult to know how you're going to feel, how you're going to feed & what your baby would be like.

If you have to commit now, I'd personally say "no thank you" as I wouldn't want my feeding & caring decisions to be led by considerations of weekend away. I'd want my baby's needs to come first.

BUT not everyone feels like that & I have friends who left their (FF) baby much earlier than 4 months even.

It's so personal!

When my third dd was born dh and I booked tickets to see Peter Kaye the following June when she was 9 months old. I was exclusively bf and she was still feeding at night (obv. eating meals in day). I expressed in advance to leave her for one evening (we were back around midnight) but she refused bottles and it was very stressful. Dd4 now three months old, I'll nip out to meet friends locally but wouldn't chance cinema etc in case she woke up. I k ow others do it but I wouldn't enjoy being away overnight. I went to my sister's hen do in the day but didn't stay overnight because I was bf. if you have to decide now, I'd say no or arrange for dp and baby to go too. Every which way you'll feel guilty. Welcome to the world of parenting

Thank you all so much, RL advice helps so much more than general internet searches.

I'm going with my gut feeling that it will be too soon so will say thanks but no thanks to going away. Maybe if we had more money I could take baby and DP too but having spare cash is a thing of the past!

I'd be such a lightweight after not drinking for so long that I'd probably embarrass myself anyway!