Phasing out BF and introducing FF - feel so upset, but why?

[milkwagon]

DD is 4.5 mths and will be returning to work in 2 months. For a variety of well considered reasons I am unable to express at work due to the nature of my job. I worked extremely hard to get BF established after having mastitis 4/5 times and DD having tongue tie/me with lacerated nipples and feel a massive sense of achievement for having got this far. I have now decided to gradually replace BF with FF over a six week period, thus coinciding with DD settling in days at nursery and allowing me time to get fitness levels back up for when I return to work (I have to do a fitness test), and also to minimise risk of mastitis recurring.

I feel very upset that my BF days are coming to end, and I don't know why. I am quite tearful at the prospect and feel like I'm 'addicted' to BF. If I wasn't going back to work I'd probably continue to BF up to a year. I feel terrible, like a very bad person for doing this. What is wrong with me!? Why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like I'm 'addicted' to BF?

Can you not just breastfeed at night and use formula at nursery? That's what I did when I went back to work and it worked no problem.

I've considered this but because I work shifts and sometimes work long into the small hours it will be very difficult - and will end up quite engorged if I miss a feed. Thanks for the suggestion though.x

I've considered this but because I work shifts and sometimes work long into the small hours it will be very difficult - and will end up quite engorged if I miss a feed. Thanks for the suggestion though.x

You could always keep a couple of bf feeds a day. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Could I really do that goodnames? I was concerned that it was all or nothing and as I work variable shifts worried that the feeds won't be at regular times. Will the milk not go 'off' hanging around in my boobs for up to 12-15 hours? What about 24 hours?

I've mix-fed my DC2 very successfully, also did it for a few months with DC1. Worth a try if you are feeling upset?

Good luck, it's not easy. Well done for getting this far.

Yep. I've left DD for 24 hrs before and all was fine. Still feeding.
The feeds really don't need to be to a strict shedule, it'll all pan out. I think I read something on Kellymom about it taking about 5 days of not feeding before the milk starts to taste a bit salty and then would start to dry up if you didn't feed. After 24 hrs you're fine.
I have found bf a great way to reconnect with DD when I haven't been with her all day, and because you're feeling upset about stopping i would give it a go.

Milkwagon, are you in the uk. I have the idea from when I returned to work last time that employers have an obligation to accommodate breast feeding mums. In any case if the obstacles are around storing or access to power, could you use a manual pump and essentially pump and dump to help maintain supply on those days when you can feed when you would want to due to the shift. Apologies if you have considered all of this.