Dreading leaving feed-to-sleep breastfed baby

[audlangsyne]

This is DS2 who is 6 months and will be going into nursery at 7 months when I return to work.

I have never really put him down to nap, I feed him to sleep on my lap or he naps in the car or pram.

Recently I have tried to put him in a pram in the house (have no cot as co-sleep) but there is a lot of fierce crying, even if I rock him or sit with him, I get v v v stressed by this and he gets very distressed. If he does fall asleep it is only for a few minutes in the pram.

I had a similar problem with DS1 but he went to a childminder who would walk him to sleep in the pram, whereas the nursery just has cots or bouncy chairs.

I'm really worried! Please don't judge me in your replies - I really feel it is better for the baby to have closeness in the early months and so that's why I''ve done it (not as a 'rod for my own back'!) - my older DS, now 3, is a great sleeper.

Any advice? Would you persevere with the pram settling and crying/distress or just accept that the nursery will have to teach him to sleep differently than at home? They are a very good and kind nursery and have said babies can sleep close by in a bouncy chair if they don't like the cot in the quiet room, I am confident they won't leave him crying but I am anxious.

in new environment with new carer at nursery he'll adapt fine.work on yourself
you do seem v anxious,and part of nursery is someone else is carer in your absence
I do think your regime is rigid,but babies adapt to new routine such as nursery

He will be fine. They often behave totally differently at nursery. Keep feeding him to sleep if that works, he will probably appreciate the closeness of it :)

The nursery sound fine and accommodating and I'm sure they won't leave him crying.

With my DS It used to take ages to get him to nap/sleep at night. I didn't feed him to sleep but would spend a long time rocking him then carefully transferring him into the cot. Or he would sleep in the pram/car like yours. When he went to nursery at 11 months I apologetically explained what I had to do and left the pushchair in case they needed to walk him round the block to get him to sleep. Turns out he has totally different rules at nursery and they would basically just put him down and he would drop off by himself, no crying. No idea how - maybe cos all the other kids were sleeping. He still never did it at home though!

maybe try curtail your distress in front if baby,he'll pick up on it
babies adapt he'll be fine,they ease into new routine nursery
i use nursery from 6mth babies get into swing of new route quicker than us

I was in a similar situation, although DS was nearer to 12 months when he started nursery, had always been fed to sleep for naps (unless in car or out in buggy) but he has had no problem napping at nursery. I still sometimes feed him to sleep on the days he's not at nursery, I agree with Scottishmummy that they are really adaptable.

Remember also that nursery staff are used to helping babies settle to sleep, and will no doubt have come across similar situations before.

Ooh lots of xposts! Must be a slow typer!

YY try to keep the drop off as matter of fact and short as possible. They take their cues from you, so if you do a big hug and a kiss and a "Mummy loves you lots and lots, hope you have a good day, see you later, kiss kiss" etc she will pick up that it's a big deal and be more upset, if you say a breezy "Be back later!" and just leave you will find she settles much more quickly.

It's also good as she's pre-talking to have some kind of stock phrase and practice it - so from now, whenever you leave the room even for a second e.g. to get something, answer the door, go to the toilet etc, say "Be back later" and then when you come back say "Mummy's back" - just so she learns that that phrase means you're going, but is also reassured that you always come back. Never be tempted to sneak off - IME that makes them more nervous about you leaving.

Thanks for all the reassurance.
Yes I will not show my distress to baby - that's why I am mumsnetting away about it now whilst he is peacefully asleep!
I really hope you're all right that baby has a different set of rules at nursery. I do remember with DS1 that he was more tired with childminder because I guess there was a lot more to watch etc and he would have longer naps there.
There is a part of me looking forward to this time as I want to do a couple of classes (art) on my day off when children will be in childcare, but its hard to get my head around any of this after not being apart from baby except for one hour for a job interview since he was born! I have no family and no partner so he has only known me and my friends, tho I have taken him out to lots of baby groups to socialize him!

universal truism is they do stuff at nursery don't do at home
don't sweat it,nursery will be fine
and so will you so long as you don't assume big ole mummy guilt

Bertie thanks great tips - I remember doing "See, Mummy comes back!" with DS1 now too...

I felt the same with DS started nursery at around 6 months old for a few hours a week but it was fine. He was also breast fed and I was really worried that he would not take a bottle, I posted on here about it, now he is nearly 2 and I need to post to ask for advice as to how to wean him off the damn thing!! Anyway, I was just very clear with the nursery that I did not want him left to cry, but other than that I didn't mind how they got him to sleep. I think that they have done different things at different times but I know that he hasn't been distressed by any of it. I would try not to worry too much, let them know you feel and don't feel you have to get him sleeping in a certain way for you before he starts because you may find that he will just go to sleep quite easily for them. And for what it's worth, I don't think you sound like you have a rigid routine at all, you just sound like a lovely Mum who is worried about how her Baby will settle at nursery

I was amazed that DS2 napped at nursery. He'd only ever slept in the pram or car at home, and is still fed to sleep. Since he started there, i've even managed to get him to have a few naps in his cot at home.

Nursery has special magic dust . He'll be fine OP.

why on earth haven't you had any time apart?are you solo parent,do you have pals/family?
look you don't need to be velcroed to baby to have secure bond
you need to cut self some slack,and some time.this won't result in catastrophe

Sorry lots of xx posts, I must be v v slow at typing, good luck, sounds like you will both be fine.

get into nursery routine,drop and go.no protracted goodbyes.cheerio and go
talk positively about nursery at home,big it up
any misgivings you conceal it,kids pick up on any wobbles

OK scottishmummy thanks - Why I haven't had any time apart? Less circumstance (though am single parent yes) than just wanting to be with him all the time! That crazy love that you feel!

OK going to try my utmost to relax about this now and thanks for all advice. Off to bed now!

I love my kids,but needed time for myself even at hairdresser was enough
nursery will be absolutely fine