Please help me stop breastfeeding my 18 month old!

[NewYearNewHat]

Please help me stop bf my 18 month old.

I feel I have failed with getting him to transition off bf. I only ever planned to bf him to 6 months but he refused bottles and then I have had an incredibly stressful year and couldn't deal with working out how to stop. So we just continued.

Now I feel like bf him is holding back his development. I look around and see other toddlers (and babies) drinking cups/bottle of milk and hear about them sleeping though and I feel I have neglected him in this area.

He eats okay, not very adventurous but he gets a balanced diet. He drinks (only cold) water from a straw cup. I have tried milk a couple of times in his cup but he wasn't interested so I didn't bother again .

Do toddlers usually swap bf for milk or can they just give it up and have food and water?

During the day I do don't offer/don't refuse, but I usually try to distract him a bit before hand and this works about 50% of the time.

What can I do to replace the comfort from breastfeeding? He has a teddy he needs to sleeps with but he still wakes at night a couple of times and usually wants a bf.

His sleep has improved though and he only has 2 more teeth to get (not including his 2 year old molars) so I am hopeful that once those 2 are through he will sleep better. (When he has had a longish break between teething he only wakes once, so I know he is needing comfort when he wakes more than this).

We cant do cc because of the neighbours, they are quite aggressive so I don't want to do anything to annoy them.

I am getting ready for the the new year, trying to muster enough strength to get him to stop but I need to sort out a plan.

So please could you help with some suggestions?

Can I just check -the reasosn you want to stop bf are

-you believe it's holding back his development

• you belive that I'd you stop it will make him sleep through the night

Is that right?

No the reasons are I wanted to stop at 6 months but couldnt for various reasons (mostly because of reasons unrelated to DS) . Now I want to try again.

But I do think it is holding back his development and I think he is sometime waking to feed.

I stopped bf my DS at 20 months. He became quite il with a serious food intolerance and we went cold turkey. Took him about 3 days and quite alot of tantrums, but he was fine. I found he preferred drinking from a cup and he drinks full fat milk. The biggest plus for me was he started sleeping through the night, when he woke I would offer him water ( didn't go down to well) but he would only take a minute or two to settle down and within 3 nights was sleeping for a min of 10 hrs!
My advice would be set a date and just go for it, he'll be fine. Good luck

it is NOT holding back his development - but if you want to stop, then fine. Your decision.

he may well continue to wake for a long while yet - and then you won't have the immediate comfort of breastfeeding to settle him. Just saying.

but OK, you want to stop - do you have a partner?

the best thing would be for your DP/DH to do all the night waking for a while. It may take a week or two.

During the day, use distraction - snacks, drinks, TV etc.

I fed my DS until he was 3 years old - perfectly well developed boy! We discussed it together and he stopped overnight on his 3rd birthday

you won't be able to discuss much with an 18 month old, but you could try

he may well understand that there will be no more boob from now on - but it will be more difficult to enforce

Good luck - and well done for continuing this far! You have given your little boy a wonderful start in life

Cheesmonkey had he been drinking full fat milk from a cup prior to the cold turkey? I think I will need to do the milk in a cup again. He like his water cold so maybe I will chill the milk so it is very cold too.

Thank you that gives me some hope I am going away for a week in January and want to start when we get home.

btw you don't HAVE to give milk - my DD (weaned at 17 months due to her brother being born) never had milk as a drink (still hates milk - she is 15)

You have not failed at getting him to transition from breastfeeding. You can be 100% certain that he will make the transition at some point. You haven't neglected his development.

I speak as someone who, without a particular plan to, ended up breastfeeding for 3 years each. It was always easier to keep going than to stop, but gradually it did reduce and eventually we stopped when it became much easier.

I did have the same questions as you - comparing my child to others with bottles and sippy cups and apparently sleeping through, but in the end I came to the conclusion that if BF was still working for us that week there was no point going through the pain of giving it up when there was no particular need to. The World Health Organisation recommends BF to 2 years I think.

He did, but not very much, now drinks tons of the stuff.
I agree with pp that it won't have harmed his development.
Like you I hadn't planned to bf DS quite so long, expected to stop around 12 months but it just never happened. When he was 19 months he became very ill with what we now know is coeliac disease. He had many classic signs of malnutrition - dropped 2 centiles in a few weeks, distended belly, chronic fatigue. Yet when they tested his blood for any deficiencies they were amazed that he had none, I am positive this is because the one thing his gut could digest was breastmilk.
So don't feel bad that you are still bf, it is amazing stuff!

... But on a practical note I agree with Tante Rose - if you do want to give up, have DP takeover nights - it is much easier to say "no boob" if you have no boobs

I'm the proud owner of another non milk drinking 11 yo. She learnt to read and write more accurately than I ever will, while still BFing.

So I smile at the idea of it holding back development.

Yes, I was heartless and gave her water on her bed side table, no milk at night. No way would we have carried on if she'd wanted feeding at night.

Try Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning method first. Then go from there. You may find this reduces his milk feeds to morning and night, then you can work on dropping those feeds if you want.

With sippy cups, dd also didn't take to them like other children/babies, but each to their own, she does things they don't do. They're all individual so I doubt your actions have held your son back developmentally.

I agree with pp's that stopping bf'ing is not an automatic fix for sleeping through. You will just have to comfort some other way. Using the method above, we saw a change in DD's sleeping pattern (for the better), inc a handful of sleep throughs over a 3 month period; but teething soon threw it out the window and I can't be arsed to do it again just yet

Have sippy cups lying around everywhere - dd eventually used them if she was thirsty.

My eldest didn't sleep through the night til he was around 16 months, he was still feeding a lot at that age, and continued to for many, many more months.
So, there's no guarantee he will sleep through the night.
It's not interfering with his development. It is natural for them to be breastfed at that age.
If you want to wean them, then it's advisable to take it slowly so you don't develop mastitis, but it's recommended to feed til they are at least two, so please don't worry you're doing anything wrong by feeding an 18 month old.

I too only planned to feed until 6 months and I have hopefully just weaned my dd at 22 months I think being 28 weeks pregnant has helped that.

We worked on a feed at a time, mostly doing dont offer/refuse and distraction. There were a few feeds though that I did have to refuse. (We first stopped feeding to sleep, then daytime feeds and finally probably 6 months later were when first and last feed of the day were stopped) It was the feeding to sleep and one or two daytime feeds if we were in the house that were the most difficult really.

I think in terms of a plan if you really want to stop then you need to start with one feed and do whatever you need to stop that one, snacks, a drink or just refuse if you give in it brings you back to stage one. The jay gordon method is great.

We nightweaned at about 13 months and it didn't make much difference tonight time sleep. We then had to do cc, which did help.

Feeding him didn't affect his development at all, he had water or milk at mealtimes etc. I didn't offer cows milk as I didn't feel he needed it.

I gradually cut down daytime feeds from 2ish by making sure we were busy at certain times so it didn't come up using don't offer don't refuse. It was really gradual and I'm not sure when his last feed was. It was really gentle and positive and I would recommend it.

Just did a search on this thread and glad I found it again. I'm bfing an almost 18 mo and been thinking about if/when/how on earth you go about stopping.

How's it going OP? Interested to know what methods you are using and how it is going if you have time to update!

OP you have done a wonderful thing breastfeeding your DC up till now and there is no way you will have actually harmed his development. Quite the opposite in so many ways. I should think when this is sorted for you, you will be really proud, particularly as it has been a stressful year for you.

But you sound like you feel like he could do with moving on a bit - and that is cool too, a bit more independence is not a bad thing and he might enjoy doing more things himself. Their appetite for solids can also move up a gear when night feeds end.

Lots of 18 month olds can probably understand 'gone' and 'asleep' or other simple words and some people find using these can help the transition to not breastfeeding. It may be a little sad and confusing for him, (although it might not last long haha some move on pretty quickly!) so he might want some extra cuddles while he is getting used to less physical closeness. U can have him sit on your knee to have a snack, this might reassure him. At night a cuddle from you can become enough after a few nights of protesting, and its great when everyone starts sleeping all night!

Milk is just a vehicle for various things such as calcium but if you can get these in elsewhere, he doesn't have to have it.

It is all up to you at the end of the day, if there is a feed you quite like, you can carry on with it for a while, if you want to stop completely you can just say no too. You are in this relationship too and at this stage it isn't unreasonable of you to be clear and firm with him. You are not leaving - he will still have you - and that is probably the most important thing, not just the milk.

Good Luck!

I stopped BF the day after each one of my DC's turned one (I thought it was a bit mean to do it on their birthday). I was only feeding at bedtime and breakfast previously . I just stopped cold turkey and it was not a problem at all. It was really easy. They cried a bit but not much. You could try giving him a dummy if he crys too much. Then take the dummy away when your milk has gone.

Hi i just posted a long reply here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1659738-How-do-I-stop-BF-15mo-DS

Yes at that age he will be fine with just food and water and most likely he will start eating more dairy products over the next months once you've weaned him.

You haven't held back his development, health wise you have done him great! There's nothing better than breastmilk.

What i enjoyed about weaning DD1 is I felt we got more "intellectual" quality time together, so rather than just feeding her to sleep, once i weaned her we would read books together and sing songs during bedtime which I enjoyed more. It just became a more "grown up" relationship. I am sure your son will be fine!

This has been a really helpful thread for me... my 21 month DS had gone down to one feed at bedtime which was nice as I work fulltime hours over 4 days so this is our main quality time etc. However, he has his canines coming through at the moment and is on the boob all night! I'm exhausted. I will wait to wean him once teething hell is over but literally don't know where/how to start!!

I need help getting my 18 month old off the boob! I am 4 months pregnant and I don’t know if it’s hormones or what but I physically can’t stand the feeling of breast feeding any longer! I actually dread feeding times!! Harsh to say I know but I have never felt this until now,

I am literally at my wits end! I have actually been trying to stop since she was 12 months but because she has been so unwilling to I have simply just carried on for an easy life, for the last month in particular I just can’t do it anymore the feeling goes through me! I have tried everything I’ve tried cutting out feeds I’ve tried letting her cry it out but she will literally scream all through the nights! The last 3 nights she has woken up at midnight which is her normal time for a feed and because she won’t take a bottle or dummy she has just screamed until around 5 in the morning! I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I seriously don’t know where to go from here! I hate being so mean and hearing her scream for this long but what else am I meant to do! The second I give in we are back to square one! The last 4 days have been horrific I genuinely don’t know what to do! She won’t take a bottle or a dummy, so literally the only thing I’ve been doing is saying no, offering her milk or water in a bottle, a sippy cup and a normal cup and she just won’t give in to any of them, she won’t just go back to sleep until virtually 5 in the morning and it is truly draining me now! Help!! Someone!!

Please don’t comment with how cruel you think I’m being! I’m not here for your judgment I’m here to simply get help to get my baby to stop breast feeding!!

@Pollyanna22 it might be better to start your own thread to get more responses but have you tried having your partner go through to her in the night instead of you? Could you stay in a cheap hotel for 3 nights even?

Hiya. I just wondered if you got anywhere with this @Pollyanna22? My situation is very similar. I feel like a failure for not being able to stop breastfeeding. My 15MO dd is absolutely obsessed and wakes 5-10 times a night for boob. All hell breaks loose if I refuse. It’s awful.