I'm struggling (very long)

[WillYuleDoTheFandango]

I posted the other day about my newborn DS(8days) - he is tongue tied and cannot latch. I managed to get him onto the breast but after 2 sucks he falls off, sobs and refuses over and over. The hospital cannot snip for 6-8 weeks

I have been expressing and mix feeding him but tbe tie also means he tires when taking a bottle and only takes 1oz every 1.5-2h. I am struggling to look after him, express and get a reasonable amount of food/drink/sleep to continue to produce milk.

I have borrowed the hospital medela double pump which means expressing only takes 40 mins (including sterilising etc) but to boost supply I'm having to do it every 2-3h and it has to go back on Thursday. The local rental place is closed until 2nd jan. this will mean I need to buy a cheaper pump and it will take considerably longer than it already is.

This morning I decided to give up and allow my milk to dry up. This seems like the rational choice in the day but at night I feel so sad thinking about it. I know you can't tell me what to do but any advice would be welcome. Also I'm in agony so any advice about stopping is welcome too.

I wouldn't stop in one go, you are risking mastitis over Christmas, also another pump won't necessarily take longer, my ameda lactaline was very quick and amazon had an offer on them last week.

Have you spoken to a BFC about how you are feeling?

Hi julie no I haven't, I don't like to bother anyone over Christmas. My midwife is coming on Thursday but I'm not convinced I can keep it up all through Christmas Day/boxing day.

How can I stop then? Just decrease the frequency of expressing and phase it out?

If you really feel that you want to stop (and, personally, I understand completely), then express when you feel sore/full and lots of warm flannels etc will help.

Alternatively, why not express and feed with the expressed milk when you feel able, and use formula the rest of the time?

Hopefully, it will ease off the pressure to pump enough, but will still keep some supply going until you get over the Christmas bit.

(I had a complete wobble, and stopped suddenly at 10 days with DS1. I cried for two days solid, but it was the right thing for me. Fed DS2 until 7.5 months).

I'd recommend calling one of the helplines, whether to talk through your situation or just to discuss the best way to stop. The NCT phoneline is open until midnight tonight or from 8am tomorrow as normal. As I understand, BFCs are rota-ed on so it will be someone who is expecting to get calls.

Also do you have a DH/DP or anyone who can go back to the hospital and say a 6-8 week wait is unacceptable? As if the TT is causing problems with bottle feeding EBM, it will still cause problems with FF.

Thanks Sitting I think I'll try that. I'm really struggling and have spend each night sobbing for the last 3 days. That should get me through until the 27th and then I'll sob at the midwife/BF supporter instead of poor DP

I ended up very ill in hosp when my baby was four weeks old. I was on morphine and was semi conscious for several days. I had been bf'ing him but obviously that went out the window at that time - he was handed to whoever could mind him and was given other babies bottles of whatever formula those mothers had - by the time I recovered he was happy with a bottle and I left it at that. I felt terribly guilty and think that that had an effect on his and my relationship (the guilt - not the sudden lack of bfing). Because I was so sick, everyone was focused on how fortunate that I was well and that baby had a mum still and it seemed churlish to moan about the lost opportunity to bf. I suppose my point is that you must do what is comfortable and right for you and not fret too much about giving up. Funnily enough I did not suffer from giving up suddenly which really surprised me but maybe it had something to do with the illness and medication.
Poor you, I hope it all goes better than you expect and that you have a peaceful Christmas.

Hope you feel better soon it sounds very tough. Might be worth contacting an ilc. Here is a useful site run by one with lots about tongue ties. She also runs a Facebook page. If you can hold off until after Christmas before making any decisions you will probably be more positive about whatever decision you make as you won't be rushing into it just because of the date! Hope you manage to enjoy your Christmas.

For some reason that link doesn't work. Google analytical armadillo - it comes up first.

Xp Kites I'll try them tomorrow then. Have just expressed so feeling a little more comfortable. The TT does interfere with ff too. He just gets do tired

Willyule. I second whoever said you need to kick up a stink with the hospital. As if ds is tiring while bottle feeding after 1oz, this will not be sustainable with formula. As formula has less calories than breast milk.

I'm sorry you're finding it do hard. I hope you find a way to take the pressure off yourself over the holidays.

You sound so sad. I really feel for you. One feed at a time. Def try the helplines. have you been referred for any help with the tongue tie? have you tried using exaggerated latch?

If you want to continue- 40 mins sounds a long time for expressing of you're double pumping. Sterilise with Milton in cold water- wash your kits and put them in and they're ready to use next time. Change water every 24 hours. only express until milk slows right down, don't continue long after that.

Whatever you decide- you're doing a brilliant job. you'll make the right choice for you and your baby.

Would syringe feeding help, or cup or even spoon feeding.

You can also get special teats like these don't know if they might help.

Can the midwife not arrange a longer loan for the hospital pump?

If you try what sitting suggests you can always build supply back up if you want when things get easier.

If you feel you want to give up after that do it with a clear conscience, your baby needs you to be okay and if breastfeeding is meaning that you are so stressed then it is no good for either of you.

Sorry just read about no snip for 6-8 weeks. it is possible to get it done privately for £100- £200, would that be an option?

If you decide to stop, if you stop emptying the breast your production will slow down. so if you feed/express less often your supply should gradually decrease over a few days.

I would also nag hospital, via GP or midwife, about getting the tie cut earlier, because your baby isn't effectively feeding by bottle either.

Just get through next two days in whatever way you can. helplines are open tomorrow. thinking of you.

Thank you all, I'll investigate going private but obviously everywhere is currently shut for Christmas. He can't latch at all so I haven't managed any breast feeds and I had to stop cup feeding as the increased volumes were too dangerous according to the infant feeding team at the hospital. I spoke to a bf supporter at my house and she said they couldn't really do anything to help me until he'd had his tie cut.

The way I feel I don't think it's sustainable for me but I'll keep going until I can get hold of my midwife on Thursday.

I'm fine by day but it all gets to me at night. Thanks for your suggestions

That's the thing natasha I don't want to look back and think y

Why did you do that, it wasn't worth all the angst and exhaustion!

Oh you poor thing. All 3 of my DDs were tongue tied, it's really hard. I would also kick up a stink with the hospital, ask if there are any other other hospitals you can get it done at or recommend somewhere private. I think some counsellors are also qualified at doing the procedure.

There is only one doctor at my hospital who does the snip but apparently they do have connections with the other local hospitals if he's on holiday so maybe that is something you can try.

Best of luck.

Please call one of the helplines this morning and then ring your mw, there are people who can snip the tt privately if you want to consider that?

And like others have said, you're not bothering anyone. Bfcs train because they want to offer support and information to women like you, the same with MWs.

Please give them a call.

How's it going today? Hope you're ok.

Hi Celtic I decided not to stress for a couple of days. I'm doing minimal expression to keep my milk ticking over and I've got midwife, BF helper and hv all coming tomorrow so I'll talk it over with them and make my kind up.

It's easy when I look at it rationally - if it's making me this miserable then stop and DS will come to no harm. But when the baby blues have taken hold and I'm sobbing for the 3rd night running its so hard to be rational!