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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

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13 replies

Sleepybunny · 24/12/2012 01:35

Sorry to rant but just wondering how people breast feed and enjoy it because I'm miserable!
My DD1 is 5 weeks old and is efb but takes most of her feeds as ebm in a bottle. We had latch issues in the beginning which finally we are starting to overcome but now she has colic and fusses so much at feeds it makes everything so difficult emotionally as well as physically.

I'd love to ditch the bottles and enjoy the bonding experience that breast feeding is supposed to bring, but right now I feel I may as well give up as no one seems happy here! I don't feel close to her and I hate to say I feel like I treat her like a thing that needs soothing rather than soothing her out of love.

Feel like a horrible person and don't know how to move forward :-(

OP posts:
Startail · 24/12/2012 02:46

Because if she wants to BF it gets easier and easier and you don't even notice your doing it.

And if she doesn't want to BF and prefers bottles, you'll have the good sense to know you tried your hardest, and not feel guilty.

I'm not convinced that we have a huge amount of say in the matter. DD1 hated BFing, DD2 continued until she could have written an essay about why with far better spelling than mineGrin

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings · 24/12/2012 06:17

Colic is tough regardless of the feeding option, so perhaps that is what's causing some of the emotional issues? If you went to only ebm or formula, she'd likely still have colic...

The fussing could be a growth spurt, wind, anything. Take a look at Kellymom.com for info. It might even be she finds the breast harder work so doesn't want to do it...

5wks is tough. My DS is 6wks but is my 2nd. If I hadn't known it gets easier & bottles really aren't any less effort or work, I would have given up. But it will pass. If you want to stop, you can stop, but if you're not sure & feel down/fed up & like its your only option, I'd suggest giving it a week or 2 longer - things usually do improve after 6wks.

Good luck.

ZuleikaD · 24/12/2012 07:56

IMO some people talk a lot of nonsense about bf-ing. It's just food. It's not some kind of magical experience, it's just feeding. The early weeks can be incredibly hard when you can feel like your newborn is just a thing that needs managing - it needs to be fed, changed and to sleep. That does change though - when they start actually looking at you, smiling at you, responding to you. Breastfeeding still isn't magical, but it is definitely the easiest way. Soothing, food, go-to-sleep-juice, all in one.

ThreeWheelsGood · 24/12/2012 09:14

I agree with previous post - I don't enjoy breastfeeding, I don't feel it's a magical bonding experience, but I'm persevering as it's how we've chosen to feed DD. it took a lot of practical support for me to get this far (9 Weeks). I'm really looking forward to a year's time.

priscilla101 · 24/12/2012 09:24

With DS1every day of bf was my last day....because I didn't find it easy. I fed DS1for 11 months! It got loads easier as the months went on.

DS2 is 6 weeks and has been a pleasure to feed.

Either way it is tiring this early on and definitely something that needs to worked at and persevered at.

My advice s to surrender to feeding for a couple if days. Plenty of skin to skin, good books or tele at the ready and relax. No plans for visitors of trips out.

Good luck OP X

Original poster
Sleepybunny · 24/12/2012 09:35

Thanks for the advice, I think the late night scream sessions are so demoralising I was just ready to quit.
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that doesn't find feeding a wonderful experience. I just really hope it gets easier sooner rather than later. Can't help think she hates me most of the time as she certainly doesn't have any sort of preference for me regardless of whether I'm the milk machine or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepybunny · 24/12/2012 09:38

Precila I think that's exactly what I need to do, skin to skin and just spend time with her to relax her more. It's the holidays of course and we're staying with family, so lots of intrusive visitors and trying to just get her fed and happy seems to be the order of the day.

Think I'll be putting my foot down today and locking ourselves in the bathroom

OP posts:
PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah · 24/12/2012 09:49

I also have a 5wo who is ebf and it ain't some magical bonding experience - that's bullshit propaganda. My back hurts from having to be propped up in one position for an hour. My shoulder hurts from having 7lb of baby to support. My nipples are screaming at me...

Every so often i look down and melt, but tbh i get that when dp is doing an ebm bottle after work, too! You're doing your best for your baby, that's all that matters Xmas Smile

priscilla101 · 24/12/2012 10:37

Not so easy at this time of year, eh?

Bedroom better than bathroom though!

And my MIL. Swears that champagne helps with bf......
Merry Christmas!

tiktok · 24/12/2012 10:52

:( :(
sleepybunny, you are having it rough and tough.

What you are experiencing is not 'normal' but it's not uncommon either. Sometimes it resolves itself, as you and the baby get used to each other and you fall in love with her as her needs become less difficult to meet. Sometimes you need help to get to that stage. Feeling horrible about yourself, feeling no one is happy, not feeling close, and feeling your baby is a 'thing' is absolutely not how it should be by this time, and you are right to feel concerned.

Feeding ebm in a bottle is a very difficult way to feed (and that's in addition to the hard work of expressing, storing and decanting). When bf is going well it is a bonding experience - there is nothing 'magical' about it, but it is rooted in human biology, experience, evolution and the practical closeness and contact that comes with using your body directly to feed and nurture and comfort. This can be replicated with a bottle but it is more difficult for it to happen.

Yes, skin to skin and letting the feeding feel easier and more responsive rather than mechanical is a good thing to do. Visitors should be told not to comment (let alone criticise) and to do nothing except supportive and loving and helpful things :)

After the holiday, find someone (HV? Doc? midwife? breastfeeding counsellor? ) you can be fully honest with and who understands both about feeding and emotional 'stuff'...and take it from there.

tiktok · 24/12/2012 10:54

PS Feeling your baby hates you is not normal, either....not uncommon, but not normal. That alone indicates you do need to speak to someone and to get help through this horrible stage :(

Hope you get the help and support you need, sleepybunny.

Original poster
Sleepybunny · 24/12/2012 20:02

Thanks tiktok for the advice. I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't realise also that this wasn't normal for a baby, I thought all babies fussed this much and I was just rubbish at being a mum.

This will probably sound stupid, but I don't know how I'll go about asking for help. I've seen the GP already just to make sure there was nothing more serious going on. He suggested infant gavascon and gripe water as he thought it was a bit of reflux and colic pain. But as her weight gain has been good (thankfully) he didn't seem bothered. Is there something more I could be doing?

OP posts:
geekette · 24/12/2012 22:31

I have to admit with breast feeding, I find it is usually a question of patience... it fluctuates between better and worse all the time. hang in there.

I remember googling 'my baby hates me' when she was six weeks old.
I remember thinking she never smiles at me.

now its all smiles and even some singing. she is 17weeks. it does get better.

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