BFing a 1 week-old newborn....does all of this sound normal??

[DangerMousey]

Hello ladies,

This time last week I was in labour giving birth to my beautiful son, DC1. I love the little man to bits but am finding the whole feeding-on-demand/sleeping (or lack thereof) pretty difficult and overwhelming. Wondered whether any of you wise ladies could offer any reassurance that the following are normal and that I will somehow survive the sleep deprivation!!:

• DS seems to want to feed almost constantly in the wee hours of the night...from between about 11pm and 5am, he will take a boob for about 35-40 mins, have a 20 minute break, and then cry and take the other one for 35-40 mins....and so on and so on. Do i just need to ride this out?Will it change of it's own accord or do I have to try and institute a routine?

• He feeds much less frequently during the day....in fact, if we dont wake him up, he would go 4 hours between feeds during the day. Should we be waking him up sooner for day feeds?? (it is tempting not to, cos its the only time me and DH can get an hour or so's sleep).

• I cannot settle DS to sleep at any time of the day or night, unless he is literally on me (ie resting on chest having just dropped nipple out of his fully-fed mouth)....is this cos he can smell my milk?? My DH seems to have a magic touch and can rock him to sleep but I seem to have no chance :-(

Any reassurance/thoughts most welcome.

danger how are you doing now?

Hi, I have not read the whole thread but I just wanted to say that if he is asking for a feed about half an hour or so after he finished the last one, just pop him back on the side you last fed him as he may not be getting all the hind milk which is the most filling milk, then move him to the other side. HTH

My little boy was like this when I first got him home. I also had a terrible couple of nights and gave him some formula as I was so desperate for some sleep.
I found the Gina Ford way of feeding every 3 hours in the day and then every 4 hours at night really helped and I felt in control again. I didn't go the whole hog with her routines though. I did feed in between these times if he was hungry though.

Hey ladies, thanks very much for all your thoughts and opinions. I guess i wrote the post because i feel like I would like to institute some sort of loose routine which enables me to at least go to bed in the evenings at some point in the next couple of weeks. My friends keep saying "so how often are you getting up in the night?" and I am having to explain that i am not even able to go to bed cos he is feeding so often, and for so long.

I am very reassured to hear people's experiences, and to hear that this nighttime cluster feeding is normal and within the normal parameters of caring for a newborn. A lot of people have said that the cluster feeding should take place in the early evening instead, but I have no ideas how I can move this cluster forward?? Or should I not really be trying yet at 8 days old??

Today we have once again woken DS to make sure he has fed every 2-3 hours during the day, and we went out for a 40 minute walk around lunchtime in the sun, during which DH was awake, and hopefully getting a feel for 'daytime'. He has napped well during the day in his moses basket in the living room. And is currently asleep on DH's chest on the sofa and has been for the past 90 mins.

I am currently feeling a bit teary and overwhelmed at the idea of doing another night sat in front of the telly feeding non stop from midnight - 4.30am. And can't see any way of avoiding giving him a formula feed our of desperation for sleep at 0500am. Not really sure what to do instead....dont really feel like it's fair to keep trying (and inevitably failing) to settle DS in the bedroom (whether in our bed or in his basket), cos that will mean DH gets no sleep either. And I am really relying on him to get at least 3 hours each night in order to look after me and keep me sane during the day.

Just so many unknowns and finding it hard to go with the flow, when the flow of my LO seems to involve being entirely nocturnal in a small flat :-(

OP dc3 cluster fed in the evening and dsis's dd cluster fed in the morning.
They are all different but as has been said upthread they know what they want when they want it. You can gradually change them to your way of thinking but it is better to be very gradual. Start by waking slightly earlier after naps, especially if you are starting to feel engorged with a 4 hour gap.

Have you though of co-sleeping or bed sharing? If you do it properly you will get some rest and it is a lot safer than falling asleep on the sofa.
Could you go to bed at 10 say for a couple of hours and DH bring DS up when he is hungry, you feed lying down and get DH to move him when he has finished feeding.

Remember DS is only a week old and his favourite place will be with you or DH so that is what he is aiming for. Tell your friends that he gets ou up as much as any 1 week old baby would get you up. Competition like this is wounding for you as you always end up feeling you are doing soemthing wrong, which you are not.

Breastfeeding can be hard the first couple of weeks but it is so much more rewarding for you and baby. Try and avoid the formula as it will just fill him and make him expect that from breastmilk and feeding through the night does raise your prolactin so you produce more milk.

It does get easier though.

The difference in my opinion, and mine are 10 and 12 so it has been a while, is between feeding on demand and feeding when suits the mother. Advocates of a strict routine will always tell you that it was best. I always ask myself, "Best for baby, or mother?" Babies are designed to feed on demand. Over the first two to three months they settle down into their own patterns. Mine were much steadier by about 8 weeks. However, just as things seemed to get into a pattern, they would have a growth spurt or get a bug or need more. We even had the odd, unexpected, sleep through the night quite early which was then not repeated for weeks. (Actually quite worrying when they don't wake after waking all the time)

Current advice is to feed on demand and not to make your tiny baby fit a fixed routine. I agree with the bath, feed, bed bit as a way of saying -it's night. But I think it is a part of the early weeks that they are unpredictable and need their Mum a lot.

Do not read "The Contented Little Baby". She is a nutcase.

Can you relegate your OH to the sofa/spare room so he can sleep, and you and the baby feed lying down in bed? At least then you can doze.

I agree, you would be better doing this in bed either by bed sharing or with him next to you in basket/cot after 11pm. dh will, I'm afraid have to lump it. a kindle would be great for you to ease the boredom.

All normal, DS is two months old and last night slept for 8 hours for the 1st time. He started feeding every 10 minutes at the hospital ( I had an emergency c section), then every hours/2 hours, last week was about every two hours and sleeping for 4 hours through the night.

I understand how you feel now, but time will go so quickly and now I miss the time when he slept on me , he doesn't like it anymore and he only sleeps in his cot.

Also, I remember him being on the breast for what it seemed hours, BF is something you both have to learn, so it takes some time for the baby to learn to feed efficiently.

I have been EBF on demand, no magic trick to get him through the night, I think I am lucky.

As for routines, you can try to teach him the difference between day and night, noise and light during day feeds, quiet and dark at night (even for nappy changes if possible).

And you can change his clothes every morning or bathe him at night. Find something that you feel comfortable doing.

Best advice I can give you is: do not listen to any advice that goes against your instinct/or what you want to do. Just smile and nod.

You are doing well, ask for help, get someone to make your tea if possible and get comfortable when BF, it will get better, I promise

While I completely agree with the view that some people are happy to go with the flow, not everyone is. I could not have gone on for months without sleep.

Danger - you say that he had been asleep for 90 minutes on your DH, if it was me I would have put him down in his basket or cot as soon as he had stopped feeding, especially given that this must have been at 9pm is that right?

Personally I would also aim for a main daytime sleep where he will be sleeping at night, he will then be used to sleeping there, as it is he seems to be just sleeping near you or on you etc. I appreciate this is nice and for many what they want to do, but to be honest if you want sleep quickly, or need it which is very important for your son too that you sleep well, I didn't do that.

From about 4pm keep feeding and feeding. Give him a bath at 6pm and feed some more. I have found it is very likely that they will fall asleep quite quickly if they have been fed a lot and been awake as they have had a bath etc, so I used to gently rouse them to feed some more. I always had in my head to really make sure they had a really good feed at 7pm and then put them to bed.

Then wake at 10/11pm and do the same, I actually used to wake them fully at this time, again to ensure they fed well, and did the same gently rousing them if they fell asleep quickly. Hopefully they would then last until around 3am and then you just have one night waking.

The key I always found at each feed day or night, was to try and ensure they had fed lots, if you think they have stopped encourage a bit more, and especially early evening and at 11pm.

I have said this before it is not a competition, nobody is failing, some are happy to go with the flow and not sleep well for months, but if that really doesn't work for you, then yes I think you do need a plan to guid your baby.

It's very good for tiny babies to sleep on adults - it helps to regulate their as-yet-immature systems and helps them become better regulated quicker. It's why slings are so good for their sleeping.

That may well be, but my 3DC have all been fine without doing this excessively, I was suggesting that at 9pm putting the baby to bed might be more helpful to aiding night time sleep.