Still BF at 2yrs. Will I know when it's time to stop?

[Salamanger]

DD has just turned 2 and cmp/soya allergic, but not 'official' (seen by pead allergy specialist who said carry on with no dairy but probably not an 'allergy' as skin prick negative- seemed completely oblivious to non-ige) She is bf morning and bedtime. She eats only chips and mayonnaise reasonably well and drinks a couple of cups of oat milk a day.

I'd planned to stop at 2 but now I'm not sure. Her behaviour can be difficult to deal with and I find myself planning to stop feeding, I think just to feel I have some control or to have my body back after she's run me ragged all day. When we have a good day, I'm pretty happy with the feeding.

If she stopped asking, or fed less each time, I'd just go with it but she's always been a complete boob monster. Also a part of me feels guilty that she's had no dairy even though we see very real symptoms when we try to reintroduce it.

How do I know when it's time to stop?

Well, if you are not offering or refusing then you are doing "don't offer, don't refuse" It is meant to be for weaning at a child's pace but it's very rare for a 19 month old to self-wean anyway so it's unlikely to cause your DS to wean any time soon- is your goal to wean now or carry on?

Nothing shocks me any more tbh, after 4 years I've heard it all! It would be nice if someone came up with some new material

Yes, weaning will just happen, you don't need to actively do anything if you are happy to let them self-wean. As they get older and grow they lose the sucking reflex and so lose the ability to breastfeed. Some people are surprised about how late that can be. If anyone's curious then Kathy Dettwyler has written some interesting stuff.

If it helps any OP, I finally decided I'd had enough when DS1 was 3.2. He fed all the way through my second pregnancy and I tandem fed for 3 months. It just got to the point where I felt like I was resentful about feeding him more often than not.

That was 2 months ago, DS1 still asking about it, and I'm still sitting on the fence as to whether I've made the right decision.

EauRougelyNight, thanks for your reply. Wau, I never realised I was practising some kind of a weaning trick! No, I didn't have any set plans to wean any time soon. DS is a late teether and still has 12 more teeth to come through and BF seems to be the only thing that helps him when he's teething so I had decided to at least carry on until he has all his teeth.

Also, we have planned for DC2 hopefully when DS will be 3.5 or so and as I'm likely to get very bad pelvic pain in pregnancy next time around too (I'm hypermobile), and would probably be very uncomfortable lying on just one side feeding in the night, I had planned to stop BF at the latest when the pelvic pain kicks in.. If all goes well and we're able to get pregnant as planned, DS will probably be around 2.7 when the pregnancy would start and I don't expect the pelvic pain to start right from the beginning.

My goodness, what a horrible remark from nanny ! I must say, I never had a plan re. BF and haven't really thought about it much to be honest. Yes, I do sometimes wish DS would need it less often, but there really is nothing else to replace it. So do people then actively offer to BF throughout the day? I mean I do offer when it's time to sleep, although DS no longer falls asleep BFing apart from nighttime(oh how I wish he still would!). But during the day, I just BF when he asks. I've never really counted how many times a day that is.. I guess some days it feels constant if he's ill/teething/tired etc. And some days he barely asks. Nowadays he never really asks if we're out somewhere like at a playgroup or similar and I just think he's so busy playing and doing other things that the thought doesn't cross his mind..

I fed Dd until she was 4.10 years. Her choice and it was fine with me...I just ran out of milk production in the end, even though it was only morning and night for the last couple of years.

You do know when it's the right time though and if you are both happy, then carry on for as long as you both wish. :)

Good on you OP. When I have a DC i plan on carrying on for as long as both of us are enjoying it. 2yrs is a great achievement.

My HV was horrified when I suggested I might bf DD until 2+.

I bf DS (my PFB) till he was 11 months and the HV seemed to think this was a fab idea as "the breastmilk loses all its nutrition at 1 year."

I knew she was talking cobblers, and I'd stopped bf DS at 11 months for other reasons.

2 years seems like a good length of time, depends on individual situation though.

Great advice above, thanks all. at HV comments, needles but sadly not surprised.

When my DS2 was 2 I started to feel like I'd had enough, but I foud that limiting to morning and bedtime only (my choice, decidedly not his!) made me feel like I had some control over my body. He objected, but got used to it, and when I was ready for him to stop completely just before he turned 3, it was reasonably easy to drop one feed and then the other. It's all about achieving a balance between what the child wants and what you can stan d want.

DS2 also had lactose intolerance and it does add an extra dimension to the issue. Luckily he grew out of it by the time I weaned him.

When I started typing this message I originally fumbled the keys and typed 23 instead of 2 years old....now that would give nanny3 and her ilk something to think about