Tips on "having a life and me time" when breastfeeding

[snowchick1977]

Hi ladies

I'm after some advice from those who are breastfeeding. My friends baby is formula fed and this allows her to have nights away, meals out and, generally "a life"

I chose to breastfeed and, although this was my choice and I fully understood what it entailed, I never realised how much I would resent my friend. I basically have no life. I have 2 hours max between feeds (if that) I do all the night waking obviously and I just resent it a bit. I know that may seem weird.

How have you ladies coped, and managed to have a life, and time for yourself.

Or, should I just accept that this is only going to be a short time out of my life and just enjoy it.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down.

TIA x

How old is your baby? Because as they get older you can get a few hours away here and there. I found that I didn't really like being apart anyway though, so I popped her into a sling and went out, met friends for lunch etc, just with my baby with me. That way I got to see people and not feel isolated at home, and both me and dd were happy.
You do have a life you know, just a different sort of life from your friend. I am an older mother, so it was easier to embrace that maybe, but at any stage, just valuing what you do have and what you are doing, is more helpful than looking out and feeling envious. I think you are tired, and maybe just getting an hour to sit in a cafe would be enough, do you have rellies or friends who would have your baby for a little while so that you can have a nap, or go for a coffee ?

When they're tiny it's a lot easier- you just need a decent sling and off you go. I used to take DD2 with me to the pub quiz until she was about 4 mo and didn't sleep through it. How old is your DC?

It really is a short period, and it'll go quickly, but that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice all your me-time. You just have to make a few compromises and be a bit creative. Life doesn't carry on the same as it was pre-DC and it's a bloody tough adjustment. Resenting it isn't weird! I think most mothers have been through similar emotions. There's a really good book called What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen that might help you figure things out.

Breast feeding I'd hard work, my DD is 7 weeks and we have a good day/night if she goes 2 hours between feeds but often it's less, I still get out and see friends and Fanily and just go into another room to feed or pop into town and go into a baby room to feed or when I've been Christmas shopping I've took some ebm and it gives DP and family s chance to feed LO

Have you tried to express? Could you get DP to do a feed in the night so you could get more of a block sleep?

I think it's really important to try and get out even if its just for coffee because the change if scenery will do you good

Watch With Baby / Big Scream screenings at your local cinema are brilliant - the ultimate "me time" treat.

No I never had a life until I stopped at 10 months. I was really really pissed off at a couple of bottle feeders who were off at the gym or getting a full nights sleep and were still moaning about how awful it was they couldn't/didn't want to breast feed and how guilty I was making them. I was totally sleep deprived so it all seemed a big deal. Now I look back and think it was only 10 months and I got through it and am glad I did it. Hard bloody work though- you have my sympathies. It's easier if you can express enough to give a bottle - I never could.

You will have me-time all the time you are not washing bottles, sterilising, warming bottles, buying formula. In the end you will find you get loads of extra time by virtue of bdng's simplicity. IMHO, I haven't notice formula feeding mums being any less stressed by small babies or less pre-occupied by them. I loved the way bfng was so portable, and I could get out without worrying about the next feed. I don't think I really wanted to go far from the baby anyway.

How old is your baby?? As my dd is 8 months and ebf and i have had quite a life since she was about 12 weeks old!!!
Dd has never taken a bottle either.
Basically i started leaving dd with dp for 2 hours on sat and sun whilst i went riding. They were totally fine. For the first few times dp would have to make sure they were out and about for the 2 hours as dd would get a bit annoyed at staying in but gradually they got the hang of it and now i go riding for at least 3 hours 3 times a week! Obv bit easier now as dd is bit older.
Also since last month i have been going out at night once a week. As in proper out on the lash!!!!
I feed dd to sleep about 7pm then go out. She normally sleeps thru till 5am ish so as long as I'm back by then lol!!!! If she wakes when I'm out which does occasionally happen dp can easily walk/rock her back to sleep.
It can be done! Just a bit of planning and trying things! In fact i go out more now than i ever did!!!

You will find it terrifically helpful if you can persuade your baby to have expressed bm from a bottle. Its a faff but well worth it. By the time my babies were 6 months I would give them one bottle of formula per day and that also made my life easier.

It is only for a very short time. All too soon you'll be looking at them wistfully and longing for those days (have just stopped bf'ing my DC2, no more DCs for us, am feeling a bit wistful).

I bf DC1 exclusively and did feel quite resentful about it until I went back to work at 6mo, continued to bf but I got some freedom during the day at least.

With DC2 we gave one bottle a day, the evening one, and what a difference! I have been able to have some evenings out whilst bf'ing and I can't recommend it highly enough (bf him happily to 15mo).

If you can introduce a bottle a day, expressed or formula, and get a break (even if it's just a bath and a magazine) it will make the world of difference!

It is hard to begin with but I think its important to get me time, whatever that is for you.

Agree with trying to express and give a bottle. That's what I do and have been out in the evening to the nearest pub with my friend (she never needs the bottle but its just in case) and a KIT day at work. She's now 16 wks. It can be done even if you breastfeed so don't jump to formula just yet (although won't be the worst thing either :))

What about a massage? You could take LO and baby into town, feed and then go for an hour if you're worried about timings.

Just start with little things to build your confidence - baby will be fine without you for an hour or two, honestly :)

OP I feel exactly the same. DS also has colic and the evenings are hellish, feeling completely strung out. Decided I need to start thinking about expressing so I can get a break for the sake of my sanity. Just hope he takes a bottle!

It will get better........won't it?!

Colic is hideous but it usually goes away by 12 weeks. I promise you it will get better. As your baby gets older evenings get easier and all of the feeds get more spaced out. Another slighly more unusual option for me time with a breast-fed baby is if you have another close friend who is also breast-feeding to have a morning each week where one of you has both babies and breast-feed each others babies. A friend of mine and I have each been having a morning of me time each week since our babies were little and initially we would breastfeed each others babies as they wouldn't take bottles. The mornings when I have two babies are a bit hectic, but nevertheless manageable, but are so worth it to have one morning a week just me doing whatever I want by myself.

A lot depends on the baby IME. DS1 was happy taking a bottle of EBM but since I was the only person who could get him to sleep (and get him back to sleep when he woke) until 9 months old, trying to go out in the evening was a waste of time.

Please don't resent your friend.

I would love to have been able to bf ds but I can't. As such I can go out and about and leave him with dh at weekends. However I will always have to wash, sterilise, make up bottles etc.

I would swap all of that to have been given the opportunity to even have had him latch on once.

Ah, this too shall pass OP!!! I've been there. DD was a bottle refuser and also very very slow and reluctant to wean, so she was on milk more or less exclusively for 10 months (feeding every 2 hours day and night). I was exhausted and fed up and lost the plot a bit on one memorable night when DH (sleeping in the spare room as he has a long drive to work) was presented with DD by me, in floods of tears, and instructed not to wake me on pain of death.

But it seems now that it's all over that it was quite a short time. It does feel like forever when it's happening though. How old is your baby? I am expecting DC2 now and planning to take a more structured approach to encourage the new baby to take a daily expressed bottle from early on. I didn't really bother with offering DD until she was quite big, partly because our fridge freezer broke when she was only about 10 weeks old and the new one we ordered was a major faff and we were let down and left without a fridge for absolutely ages, so I had no storage for milk for weeks and I didn't bother with daily expressing as I was too lazy knackered. This time it will be different! Maybe...

If you are able to persuade your baby to take an expressed bottle, or go straight to a cup if baby is 4 months or above, it will give you more flexibility. A lot of people on here mention on similar threads that baby will start solids at 6 months, then you'll be able to leave him or her for longer between feeds. Sadly that's not how it worked out for me with DD as she was not interested in solids for a really long time, but most babies I know were enthusiastically tucking in shortly after 6 months, so it's not too long really - but it can seem like it at times.

my baby is 9 weeks and I give him expressed breast milk between 7 & 11pm. I pump in the morning when I feed. That way my BF & I can take it in turns to do evenings. We started at about 7 weeks and I found it took the pressure off me a lot!

I think its very easy in the early days to get frustrated, but its such a short period of time. And I can assure you if you weren't feeling frustrated about this, it would be something else; tis the way motherhood works

Think of all the time you are saving by not having to wash bottles and faff around with everything like that!!

You're doing brilliantly, and it does pass soon.

Check out your local area to see what things have they have on that are mum focused but are baby friendly / have a creche. A lot of cinemas have A Big Scream once a week, and a friend of mine has recently been to a spa day where there was a creche, and they came and got her when her DS needed feeding. She had a wonderful time!

I found accepting that right now my DS needed me helped me stop feeling so resentful. As he has grown, he has become more independent, and I have started to have some time to myself again. But I actually miss those days when I was his entire world slightly now

Seriously, before you know it he will be running around and hardly noticing if you are there. This is a small amount of time, and the health benefits for you both are life long :)

OP, it is hard and actually, I know people mean well, but saying you're saving time by not preparing formula and such really really doesn't help when you're in the thick of it. My ds just turned 8mo. He is still ebf and as much as I love him, and it, it's hard, it's all consuming and it can feel suffocating at times. I wish, wish wish that I could hand him over to someone for just one night so I could sleep. So I could sleep alone, in my own bed, without having to worry about moving and waking him up, as a lot of the time I'm so tired i'll feed him to sleep and then not be able to get him latched off without waking him. I've never been able to express successfully for him and he won't take a bottle anyway. When I see people I know with ff babies, whose parents take the baby for one night a week (and a LOT of the people I know seem to have this arrangement) it makes me boggle a bit with envy. Also seeing people who at this age can just give a bottle and get on with whatever they're doing. Feeding time for us involves actually stopping which is getting more difficult as he gets older. Ds is dc3 so obviously I'm busy anyway, but the sleep deprivation and lack of time alone can really get to you. I have constant scratch marks on my chest too from where ds claws at me when feeding, and actually I'd like to get back into some of the clothes that make me feel like 'me' rather than just clothes I can get my norks out in. I don't have a dp so there's actually no option of me handing him to someone else in the night even if I wanted to.
But all of that makes it sound like I'm finding the whole thing negative which isn't the case at all. But the all consuming nature of it can be overwhelming. I've seen on here it being described as being 'all touched out' and you just want your body to be yours for a while. I relate to that. How to get me time? NO idea. But ds is generally a happy chap except for the never sleeping at night thing, so it's bearable. Get a decent sling, ds loves to be in his Moby.