EXperienced extended breastfeeders - advice please!!

[Jakeyblueblue]

Ds is 17 months and still bf. He had dropped all his day feeds himself until about a month ago when he started asking when I got home from work. Fine. Not a problem. The thing is he's also started feeding all throughout the night again. We co sleep and he has never slept through ever but the last week he's Been on the boob all night long. He's also developed a habit of nipple twiddling and seems to have to be holding one of my nipples all throughout the night or failing that, draped across me for most of the night. To cut a long story short. I'm Knackered! I'm also TTC number 2 and am struggling to lengthen a short LP as a result of all this.
I am thinking that night weaning may have to be considered but just dread the very thought of it. I have no intention of weaning completely and am happy to continue as long as it takes but am worried that I am creating a child with a real bad sleep issue. Where TTC is concerned I really need to be preggers before the summer Due to changing terms and conditions at work mean I will have to look for another job if its after that.
I've looked into methods and there's no way I'm doing any controlled crying and I've looked at the no cry solutions but not sure how well they translate to co sleeping. Also ds doesn't always fall asleep on the boob. He feeds, pulls off, rolls around for a few mins then seems to settle himself. How would you work round that?
Any tips or advice would be welcome! He is teething - one set if molars are randomly through first but now cutting incisors. Do you think it's just that and this will settle down itself or do you think I need to intervene and try to get him sleeping better in general? How long is it expected that toddlers will feed frequently in the night?
Just to add, I can't rely on dh to help at all as he sleeps in the spare room and is useless in the middle of the night so I'm on my own with this. Also have tried putting him in with dad when I was ill and I've never heard him cry like it in all my life. He also hates having his back rubbed or anything like that so patting and soothing back to sleep might also be tricky!!!
Help!!!! Do I leave it and let nature take its course? Will it eventually? Will he get better on his own? Or do I bite the bullet and increase my chances of TTC at the same time? If so how do I do it?
Sorry for the ramble and thanks in advance.

Not much help from me except to say that DS was exactly like this - I'd work all day and he'd feed all night. I was exhausted when I got up.

My solution? I got pregnant and he completely self weaned when I was about 5-6 months pregnant. (DD self weaned at exactly the same point too when I was pregnant with DS)

Get TTC and you might solve both problems! :) (sorry if I'm being too flippant!)

Ps my DP wasn't much help either (spare room) and I'm still sleeping with DS in the bed - he's 21 months old now - but he is a brilliant sleeper. Goes to sleep with a cuddle at 7-7.30 and wakes up about 8-8.15. Checks about in his sleep that I'm still there every now and then but doesn't wake up.
Here's hoping its all ok when DC3 comes along in January!

hiya, no advice but this is what I did in the same situation. My DD was a co-sleeping all night milk guzzler too and by the time she was 2 I'd had enough!

I didn't put her in a room by herself, or wean totally - that seemed disproportionately tough. We carried on co sleeping, but I prepped her for a few days beforehand explaining several times that we were only going to have boobies during the daytime when it was light, and that at nighttime if she woke up she could have a cuddle instead. She seemed to understand.

The first night was hard, there was a lot of pacing around holding a howling DD, but the second night was better and the fourth night was completely, blissfully uninterrupted. She's been a fantastic sleeper ever since (and got her own bed about 6 months later.)

I moved into the spare room a few nights a week and let DS continue co-sleeping with DH. On the nights we're all together, DS goes on the other side of DH to discourage this - he still wants a feed at some point but it's not relentless.

I got pregnant accidentally fairly easily when DS was about 19 months old , so it may not be a problem that you're still co-sleeping and feeding through the night (happened for us before I moved out - in fact the reason I moved is because my nipples were so painful at first the feeding was stopping me sleeping).

I'm now 6 months and have no supply at all - my doggedly pro-bf 25 month old flatly refuses to self-wean, however :o...

Ok thanks ladies this is making me feel better! I was hoping that pregnancy Is the answer too and he self weans. It's getting Preg that seems to be difficult. Will perhaps try a few more cycles and see what happens. My cycles Are all over the Place and i am sure its the feeding thats doing it you see.
But I am thinking that it may be easier to wait until he's a able to understand the whole 'boobies have gone to bed' line.
Don't get me wrong, he never cries in the night, he never actually opens his eyes! He just thrashes And rolls around until he gets a boob! Some nights are lovely and we just cuddle all night and he only asks once or twice and we sleep really well. Maybe it is just the teething!
At least I now know there is some light at the end of the tunnel and there is a way to stop it and he won't do it forever!
Anyone else?

I would suspect it's the teeth.

It will probably pass within a few weeks - sorry, I know it's crap. I fed ds2 till 4 1/2 and he went through a couple of phases like this where he 'needed' me physically a lot, reassurance, or safety or probably he was in a bit of pain.

It always passed, it gradually faded out till I could say 'no, not now love' without any resistance and he became more into other things, so we stopped with no fuss.

I never meant to go on for that long but it just happened. And by the end I wasn't feeling put upon by it at all.

Good luck - hang in there.

Oh btw are you giving pain relief - I found calpol helped a lot x

I think it's teething too. But if you want to night wean, I have good success with Dr Jay Gordon's method. (Google it). It's very bf and co-sleeping friendly. DD doesn't fall asleep on the boob, and she definitely won't tolerate controlled crying. She will work herself up to a hysteric if left in the cot crying. The gist of the method is to replace the night feeds with cuddles (and maybe water, but I didn't need that). DD was satisfied with the cuddles when I night weaned her at 15mo. Now if she has a cold or teeth, she still won't sleep through the night, but will wake up in her cot and cry. We simply take her to our bed and she'll self settle between us. If we all fell asleep, then that's fine. If one of us got woken up by her kicking, then we'll move her back to her cot.

BTW, she used to wake up 1-2 times a night before night weaning. But she had nights she slept through as well. After the night weaning, she consistently sleeps through unless teething and colds. But that's much rarer.

HTH.

Yes I have given pain relief every night before bed or during the night and I think it does help.
It's only the last week I feel like this, usually it's fine. I am having quite a lot of stress at work so maybe that isn't helping with the tiredness.
I'd love to continue as long as possible, I guess I just need to know that im not creating a child that will be needing boob all night long forever

No don't worry about that. It'll be fine.

Mine settled themselves to sleep from the age of about 4, they just went and laid down without any help or milk from me!

I found that the need to have milk to get to sleep became much less with age, so just a token nuzzle was all it took really from when they were toddlers.

Good luck x

We did similar to thezoobmeister. I managed to convince DD (around 15 months) that my boobs didn't work at night time as they were tired. It took a few nights but worked fairly easily.

She also self weaned at 18 months when I was pregnant with DS.

Good luck!

When my dd2 was that age she was still feeding several times in the night. Bit by bit I started shortening the feeds by popping her off the breast and holding my finger under her chin. (read about that somewhere and it works to stop their little mouth still going) As the feeds got shorter and shorter some times when she would snuggle in to feed I just cuddled and held her and it worked!

It didn't happen overnight but eventually after a couple of months we got to the stage of feeding at bedtime and on waking and even though we were still co-sleeping she wasn't waking to feed and went from waking many times in the night to sleeping from 7.30 to 8am.

Best of luck.

I've looked in his mouth this morning and I can see the tip of an incisor so I bet that's what's been the problem.

Hope things ease now the tooth's through! Just a thought but is he cold? My DS has gone form beign a rock-solid sleeper to waking in the night a couple of times this week with the colder weather, but new fleecy PJs and the heating on low all night seems to have sorted it.

I agree about teething, but have you by any chance gone back to work recently, or begun working different or longer hours? They work out that you are there all night and act accordingly. It's a well-known attachment parenting nostrum. Happened with both of mine.

No he's not cold I don't think as he spends most of the night kicking the duvet off us both he's a right little hot bod and I often have to get his legs out of his onesie as he's too warm.
Have been back at work since April and went through that then too so it's not that either.
I think it has to be teething., Especially noe i can see the offender poking through! Hes also been waking with bright red cheeks. We were away on holiday last week and he was only waking once or twice then so something's obviously bothering him. Having said that though, we haven't been apart for over two weeks and he's had to go back to MIL's three days this week so maybe its a bit of everything put together.
Feel better today now it's not 2am and I'm not exhausted he's been through similar phases and its always settled eventually. Will dose him up tonight and I've also got some Ashton's and parsons I can try.
Thank you for all your advice ladies. They'll be no night weaning here just yet