Feel like a failure

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

My 23 week old DD was weighed today (is on weekly weight checks due to slow gain) and has lost 2.5oz.
I've been trying to feed her more often, offering both sides each feed to try and get her gaining more weight, so nearly cried when I saw the figures on the scales this morning. I just feel like I'm failing my daughter and not able to give her everything she needs. The health nurse who has been monitoring her has said I need to start weaning her to get the calories into her.
I feel completely crap and wanted so much to EBF until 6 months. I know my DD's health is more important but I just think I've failed her.
Sorry, more of a feeling sorry for myself post then anything.

hi elphaba, thanks I was surprised it was a choking hazard. I had never even considered that people might put it in a bottle, surprised it gets through the teat.

my mum suggested that i give dd1 dripping on toast at 3m when she was struggling to put on weight. apparently it never did me any harm

tiktok thank you for your post. After just a 0.5oz gain last week I started this past week switching from side to side to side etc until she was practically saying "please no more mummy" (ok you know what I mean) I also started feeding in her room with curtains closed to make it dim with little distraction to get her to stay on longer. I also tried a middle of the night dream feed which worked one night but the next 4 just didn't happen as she was just too asleep so I'll admit I didn't try the next 2 nights.

I felt like I had fed and fed and fed and expected a lovely gain this week so was really surprised to see she had lost weight. By more often I've been feeding her as soon as she wakes in the morning/after a nap/at bedtime as usual then again at some point before she next has a sleep so maybe 90 mins or 2 hours later. She wont always be interested but she will a fair chunk of them. Sometimes I do it just as she's about to have a nap (looking sleepy, grumbly, rubbing eyes, no exact set time but can't usually manage much more than 2 hours awake) and she will fall asleep feeding. She was having only 5-6 feeds in 24 hours due to her being a good sleeper (other then the bastard sleep regression which turned her into a night feeding monster and even then she hardly gained much weight) but with my extra attempts I've been getting 8-9 in.

I should of said that for past 2 weight checks she had mentioned the possibility of early weaning if her weight didn't start increasing well enough so it wasn't an out of the blue comment, sorry, should of mentioned that!

This week she has had a poo every other day (normal for her) but before that she did 5 days and also 6 days without one. And they were fun to clean up thinking about it I wouldn't say her nappies were heavy wet but I'm quite fastidious about changing before and after each nap so maybe they wouldn't be for only being on for about 2 hours?

I'm very tempted just to carry on this week as I have been, see how it goes at next Fridays weigh and reassess the weaning.

manitz My mum has told me to put sugar on my finger for DS to suck on to cure his hiccups. First suggested it when he was three days old, because that's what she did with me all the time [shocked]

I hear what you're saying tiktok and you know I respect and defer to your expertise in this area entirely, but just to play devil's advocate, and speaking as an HCP myself, there are some HCPs out there that give ludicrous advice. Utterly ludicrous. There have been times where in my professional capacity I have sat there hearing the demigods of our society (i.e. doctors) give insane advice to families/patients and then we've had to go in and mop up the mess and carry out damage control. Obviously we don't and can't know the full facts of this case, but isn't it fair to point out that, based upon the information provided here, the information OP has had is disregardable/ignorable? We haven't said to ignore the health profession as a whole, just a particular piece of advice which doesn't make sense to many of us.

I guess what I'm saying is, is it not OK to point out that the healthcare system needs to be scrutinised and challenged from time to time, since many of us were raised in the medical model and to do as we're told by the experts? Are you just saying, in terms of semantics, we should say 'challenge advice' rather than ignore or disregard?

(Definitely not having a go tiktok - just interested in your POV because you sound like one of those HCPs I'd tell my patients NOT to ignore )

Elphaba, I'm cautious. You say "Obviously we don't and can't know the full facts of this case, but isn't it fair to point out that, based upon the information provided here, the information OP has had is disregardable/ignorable?" We don't know that - we may not have the full details in the OP's post, we have not seen the baby, so how could we make an assessment to say 'ignore'?

All a talkboard can do - except in the most egregiously ridiculous cases, or with a baby who is clearly thriving - is to share info, and to suggest questions a mother might ask, to clarify her options, or sources of further info and advice.

This is a baby who may well be perfectly ok but who has consistently fallen down centiles, who has had a period of slow growth followed by a measurable weight loss. That is not, on paper, a baby who is clearly thriving.

Hence my caution, and my usual reluctance to tell anyone that they can just 'ignore' what the HCP on the ground is saying.

I cannot think I have said anything in the least controversial there :)

Thanks tiktok, fair points. But what about weighing the baby when all she went in for was a query about eczema? Do you not find that a bit odd/uneccessary? Or have I missed other threads from OP where she's elaborated on other ongoing problems?

, Elphaba and tiktok you have both genuinely been helpful.

After a good think and chat with my DH we have decided to introduce some food. She will of course have all her breast feeds as normal and I am going to start with a bit of baby porridge made with EBM about an hour after her "breakfast" breast feed. After a few days doing this will see about adding a root vegetable purée at lunch or dinner as well as giving her fingers of veg to play/BLW with. I agree with the hcp I've been seeing that following just BLW for now won't get the calories into her that she needs.

I don't mind at all that she was weighed when I took her in, and as it had been 5 weeks since I'd weighed her I was curious as to what she might be, and would of probably wanted her weighing anyway.

Thank you both for the advice you have given.

Elphaba, maybe the HCP knew the baby was only feeding 5-6 times in 24 hours, and of course she knew the weight gain had been slow before, and the baby had been 5 weeks without being weighed....perfectly understandable (IMO) to weigh the baby opportunistically :)

Sorry, OP. I've been rudely hijacking. Glad you've got a plan you're happy with. Hope you've got dogs for when you do start BLW. It gets messy!

No worries Elphaba

Sadly no dog but going to get a BIG bit of vinyl sheet thing to put under her chair. I'm a bit of a clean/neat freak so this will hell fun for me

Just a wee update for all you lovely people that gave advice and helped cheer me up...

After DD's breakfast breast feed I waited about an hour and she had her first taste of baby porridge. She sat all happy and smiley in her high chair banging a spoon I gave her to play with and trying to eat her bib. She then gave me the funniest look as the first taste of food went in her mouth and more probably went down her chin then actually got eaten but for our first attempt we did well.

DH had a go too and she seemed pretty happy enjoying the experience and we got some adorable pictures of a messy mouthed smiley baby

(and I only got a little bit emotional)

that's roughly what i did and ds is really solid little boy (now 13m) i would recommend one of those waist height dustpans and brushes. I am not a clean freak by any means....

really glad you have a plan you are happy with by the way, meant to say that earlier but was a quick post as dh thinks im internet banking. I love seeing them try new stuff to eat it's great fun.