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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Can you hold my hand through a difficult day of bf please?

44 replies

smk84 · 19/10/2012 10:14

Yesterday ds was refusing to feed properly from me. He is 19wo and we have had slow weight gain issues. He has had one bottle a day since fri, but yesterday I had to give him 3 as he just wouldn't feed from me for more than a few sucks. I fed him yest eve and 3tmes in the night and it went ok, but hings are headed the same was again.
Yesterday we saw a paed who said to give him formula and perhaps let him comfort feed from me, but I am not ready to give up bf and want to try to at least mixed feed. Thank you.

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swanthingafteranother · 19/10/2012 22:29

It is very difficult to let go of something which makes you feel like the baby is part of you, but believe me, the baby is part of you, whatever you feed him. He absolutely needs you and loves you, whether you breastfeed him or otherwise.

He is just a baby, he is only knows he is hungry. You haven't failed giving him 7oz, you have given him what he needed. Perhaps he is just very tired, and that is why he was screaming so much. It sounds as if today was very exhausting for both of you, tomorrow may be better, don't lose heart. It takes a timelag for the milk to catch up with the increased demand, so tomorrow you might find things have improved. You must be feeling so worn out and strung out today, you must feel like you are caught in some nightmare world where you don't know which way to turn to do the right thing.

I think everything Ammia said was so true, I think it doesn't matter how you get to that point, whether through mixed feeding or formula feeding or ebfeeding, in the end what matters is just enjoying your baby and enjoying each feed.

belindarose · 20/10/2012 10:19

How are you today Smk? Thinking of you x

SarryB · 20/10/2012 14:08

Hey don't panic about giving him bottles, he needs to eat no matter what the method.

My LO (6 months tomorrow!) still has one bottle of formula a day, but sometimes will have up to 3 too. Yesterday he virtually rejected every BF I tried, but today it's a different story. Babies are fickle creatures.

whenwill · 20/10/2012 16:31

can i ask where you are based (broadly)? Just wondering what you might have locally.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/10/2012 18:34

smk, thinking of you today.

Original poster

smk84 · 20/10/2012 22:09

Thank you so much everyone. I have read all your posts and am so grateful for your words of wisdom, I have been really trying to remember the things you have said. Ds fed from me at 430 am, and after that most feeds were a case of him latching, taking initial let down and the coming off, relatching and wanting to go back on but continually coming off and getting upset.
Aamia I found it very difficult reading your post, and I tried to think about why and realised it was because you are right and I don't like it but its true, bf isn't working for us, and he can't feed adequately.
Sarry b that's reassuring.i thought he was never going to feed contentedly from me again at 6 pm, and was trying to remember our last nice bf.... Then at 8 pm I started feeding him it started rocky, then he went on to take 3 sides pretty well and fell asleep content. So perhaps it's nt the end. I have been grieving for bf for 2 days now, I know that sounds dramatic, but I honestly have been feeling like a part if me has died, and that I have no control over the situation...

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Original poster

smk84 · 20/10/2012 22:30

Jilted and belinda, thank you for thinking of me. It's been a rough day but he has still had some bm, and we are seeing lactation consultant Tom.
I am hoping to give I some direct bm for as long as possible, but I have no idea how much feeding or pumping I will need to do to maintain enough supply. I am truly hoping for a miracle that we can go back to mainly or ebf. I wonder if anyone has managed that?
We tried the sns again today. He was very unsettled with it, and I wonder if he is taking lots of wind in because the tube going I means there s not a complete seal around his mouth.
When I am in the south west.
Swan thank you so much for your empathy, it has been just as you describe.

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Original poster

smk84 · 20/10/2012 22:37

Miggril yes had tt checked again, but going to get it checked yet again. Thank ou for the encouragement. I would be happy to give as many top ups as poss like that, but its not really working yet, think we need to tr again.
Mrs spencer thank you for sharing and for your kind words. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the cost, and trying to work out how much good bf is for ds if its difficult, and neither of us seem to enjoy it, but the. Keep hoping for the miracle that one day things might turn around...

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whenwill · 20/10/2012 22:41

I pmed you but actually see that you just answered me already

Original poster

smk84 · 20/10/2012 22:45

Thanks when, have just replied to your pm.

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whenwill · 20/10/2012 22:47

Can you get someone to take care of you and dc for a just a couple of days (temp. nanny/postnatal doula/anyone!?) and pump every couple of hours, feed when you can and babymoon, and just see if it makes a shortterm difference?

idlevice · 20/10/2012 22:55

Hope you get some joy with the lactation consultant. It can make a difference who you see as it should be someone you "gel" with IYKWIM. Also experience varies widely, some have a more technical type of background, others more accumulated knowledge type of thing.

Original poster

smk84 · 21/10/2012 05:37

When that's a good idea had never thought of that. How would I go about finding someone I can trust?
Idle ice I hope so, we are seeing Ann Dobson, saw her a couple of weeks ago but things were very different then

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whenwill · 21/10/2012 11:37

Post in MN nannies and childminder/childcare asking for indivudals or agencies in your area. or google agencies.

Checking references is the most you can do (it's all agencies do really) and that they have a crb but tbh as long as they've had one in the past I wouldnt' worry about it being uptodate too much. ditto first aid. You will be in the house so applicants will need to be aware of that.

Say exactly what you are looking for e.g. how long temp., hours, nights?, and link to this or other threads of yours for background. Or they can search you.

I would pay enough that you can get exactly what you need and someone who can use their initiative. So probably experienced in someway with postnatal mums would be ideal. Temp. nannies might have their own fees. Ideas would be to specify they need to cook for you, bring you drinks, do washing, clean your pump at regular intervals! Depending on your circumstances possibly let you get some sleep, have a bath, change and burp baby possibly- maybe this is ott but I could have really done with this at some point with miss.reflux here- use txts to communicate. And of course look after dc1, getting out at least once a day but other than than just making sure he is safe and happy rather than planning a day of activites for him. This might be more like a maternity nanny/nurse/doula role but without much baby contact.
I might go so far as to contact MNT and see if they know anyone with no or little baby experience who has done their training. Perhaps you could get two for one- they would probably like to take baby a couple of times though so not sure if that would work.

Original poster

smk84 · 22/10/2012 15:58

Hi again, things are going further downhill , less and less satisfied at the breast, less patient for milk, latch seems to b deteriorating, an ds is loving the bottle. He has had up to 4 a day since sat, when he oudn feed from me at all. I. Tried to pump as much as poss, but it ended up being quite A lot of formula. He has been a different boy, smiling more, sleeping better, content after feeds. I am in huge limbo, never sure what to do one minute to the next. This is how it goes.... Offer breast, he takes initial letdown then won't go back on, repeat on other breast, offer formula to take edge off hunger, latches back on but doesn't stay on, try again, then leave a GAp and try again when I think he is tired, he sometimes will take a little feed going off to sleep. Other times he wont settle on me til i give more bottle. And in the midst of this I am trying to pump and look after ds1. It's so not sustainable.
We are using breastflow bottles, but it still virtually falls out when he gums it.
Have tried supplemental nursing sys several times but he can't get used to it, he pulls around a lot, flailing his arms and ends up pulling the tube. Plus his sucking isn't right. Our only successful feeds for the last few days have been one in the night and the odd one early morning.
I am no sure what I am asking here, but would value any ideas you have for how to move forward.
Just tried medela calma bottle and he took some then got annoyed, switched to breastflow and he took the rest.
I am considering just pumping and giving him all feeds in a bottle as I can't sustain these daytime feeds, and just trying to bf in the night.
I am really worried that we are too far down the road for him to be content bf. my supply use be down and I just can't fit in enough pumping
Maybe it's time to give up

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Original poster

smk84 · 22/10/2012 16:22

When thanks for the ideas.

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whenwill · 22/10/2012 20:55

what did lactation consultant say?
Could you try and persevere with calma if you do want to go back to breast? I don;t have experience of it but you know there is milk there if he wants it- unlike your dipped supply.

I think I've come to the conculsion that I wouldn't worry about giving formula for now as his health/weight will be better for it. You can supplement with breastmilk as you express more and more (hopefully if you can). Expressing is so hard, especially at the beginning (and when it gets boring).

Original poster

smk84 · 22/10/2012 21:19

When the LC said she could snip tie again, that she could feel resistance, was on the spot and couldn't make a decisions, but it literally is the width of a piece of cotton, and I can't believe it will help. Having said that I am going to ask another LC for a second opinion. When I noticed you said you dd had snip at 7 months, would you Mind telling me,or messaging me, to say what your tt story was? I know all babies are different but I would really like to hear a late tt snip success story. I think I might post about that now!

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aamia · 22/10/2012 22:27

My DS's tt was so thin it was almost transparent. Pre snip he couldn't eat enough to keep weight on, was constantly hungry, crying, miserable. Latch looked ok from the outside.

Post snip he immediately fed well and contentedly. Has done ever since although I still have to top him up. Supply is slowly increasing, and we're all happy. I'd give that snip a go if you can.

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