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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeders - Do you let your dp sleep whilst you feed?

49 replies

york33 · 15/10/2012 02:16

I have been asked whether dh makes me a drink or changes nappy etc during night feeds. He doesn't as he works 12 hour days with a long commute.
Surely this is a sensible approach.

OP posts:

Startailoforangeandgold · 15/10/2012 13:04

Of course I did, he drives long distances for work. It wouldn't be safe for him to stay awake.

Anyhow, I snuggled and dozed when feeding and finish with DD in the crook of my arm so we could both sleep.

Sometimes she fidgeted and went back to her cot, occasionally we co slept until dawn.

mumnosbest · 15/10/2012 13:09

even i sleep through nightfeeds. we cosleep so dd helps herself

Angelico · 15/10/2012 13:13

I had a CS and found it sore getting in and out of bed and lifting baby from moses basket for the first 10 ays or so - DH would lift her and give her to me, change her etc. Now I can manage without him so I've been letting him sleep. He can then settle her / soothe her in mad evening fussy stage. Having said that if she really wouldn't settle overnight I would wake him so I could get an hour before the next feed. Hoping this will only happen once in a blue moon as usually we swaddle her ON and this settles her most of the time unless she escapes like last night bloody ninja baby :o

Violetroses · 15/10/2012 13:13

I have a friend whose DH fetched the baby for her when it needed a feed, slept while it fed, then was woken to take it back to the cot !

I think he found the early days very, very hard! and he was a total saint

I've had 3 and saw no reason to wake up DH, for the same (obvious) reasons as everyone else. But it does make you realise that equality stops at parenthood.

AbigailAdams · 15/10/2012 13:15

He sleeps, as will I (when DS isn't wriggling, scratching, pushing, or kicking me) but he will help me get DS back to sleep when he is having one of his frequent awkward moments. Let's just say feeding at night isn't the peaceful bonding time I was lead to believe...

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/10/2012 23:10

Mine always slept but usually was keen to take any early rising dc downstairs so that I could have a lie in.

dikkertjedap · 15/10/2012 23:12

As I co-slept when they were still very little, my DH slept in the spare bedroom (same situation, worked long hours plus long commute). Never occurred to me to wake him up TBH.

RubyrooUK · 15/10/2012 23:15

My DH slept (as much as you all could in one bed) but did most of the dirty nappies while at home. When I gave up breastfeeding at 16mo, DH took over most of the night waking as it was his turn and I'd been back at work for 9 months. When DS gets to 32 months, we're in trouble as it might be my turn again.

Angelico · 15/10/2012 23:15

Q for those who slept separately from DH / DP: did you miss him??? Because my DH is suggesting the same thing because his brothers / BILs did it for survival but although it sounds silly I think I would really miss him :(

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/10/2012 23:21

Angelico, did I miss a snoring, grumbling, farting, sweaty lump? Your baby is still really young.....

MrsNPattz · 15/10/2012 23:24

I miss him loads! But I know it's for the best and won't last forever!

SamSmalaidh · 15/10/2012 23:27

He got up and changed nappy/made drinks etc in the first couple of weeks while I was getting the hang of things but after that there was no point. I fed DS lying down in bed so there was nothing for DH to do

He always got up first thing with DS though so I could lie in bit.

JudithofthePiece · 15/10/2012 23:32

DH slept. It makes no sense for him to be awake. He's a wonderful man in many ways but he has yet to gain the ability to lactate. Both DCs were in a crib right next to me and I never changed a night time nappy unless I had to.

He did do all early morning get-ups and I had both weekend lie-ins. We both considered that fair.

AThingInYourLife · 16/10/2012 07:20

"I have a friend whose DH fetched the baby for her when it needed a feed, slept while it fed, then was woken to take it back to the cot !

I think he found the early days very, very hard! and he was a total saint"

He found the early days hard and is a total saint?

Yeah, fucking women, expecting help rather than just attending to everything themselves

DH did this x 3 after each section. He's not a saint, just a decent person.

And with DD1 when nights were an ordeal, before I got the hang of it he woke up properly for moral support with the screaming.

No way would either of us want him to sleep separately.

He's not a sweaty, smelly lump. I don't find him disgusting when he's asleep.

HoneyDragon · 16/10/2012 07:26

I don't sleep with my husband anyway, so barely woke up my self to feed let alone him

Equality between sexes does not mean your babies father getting up each time you do.

AThingInYourLife · 16/10/2012 07:40

I really hate the smug, judgy handmaideny quality to these threads.

"I am such a wonderful wife that I consider making sure my husband sleeps all night a top priority, even when we have a newborn. As a man his sleep is so much more important than mine. Women who don't protect manly sleep are BAD women."

I'm breastfeeding my 3rd baby. Neither of us has to do night feeds any more and I did most in the early days with each.

But if other couples do things differently it doesn't make me think the man is a saint, or somehow put upon, for waking up when his wife wakes.

HappyAsASandboy · 16/10/2012 07:43

Mine sleeps too, even though we're now both at work with a rediculous commute. If he could do the feeding, then I'd expect him to take his turn, but he can't, so no point in both of us losing sleep

MrsHoarder · 16/10/2012 07:54

For the first 2-3 weeks he slept on baby's side and passed him over to me, because it was taking me about 5 minute to sit up/get out of bed. After that if DS was just having a quick feed DH wouldn't be woken, but if he wouldn't settle then DH would often take DS for a bit so I could sleep. Oh and I do still occasionally get him to take DS to his cot if we've got 3 in the bed and I'm in the middle to squished to move.

He's only slept not in the bed when DS has been ill and needed to cosleep that night, and even then he only slept on the floor next to the bed (we happened to have the camping stuff out). I would miss him if he wasn't there.

ZuleikaD · 16/10/2012 08:21

AThing I don't think anyone's being 'handmaideny' - I think everyone's being commonsensical. I'm not saying my sleep is less valuable than my husband's, but I do readily acknowledge that if he's going to work in the morning and I'm not (yes, obviously looking after children at home is also 'work' but there are more opportunities for some sneaky shuteye) then it's reasonable if he gets some kip at night. If I've got to be up for bfing anyway what's the earthly point of him being up too?

AThingInYourLife · 16/10/2012 09:21

Zuleika - You can apply common sense (very different from good sense) to your own situation and decide to wake up yourself and feed the baby.

Once I had got the hang of it and/or recovered from my CS, that's what I did (despite slumbering DH's insistence that he had been "awake" each time :o)

But why the need to declare that right for anyone else?

If a woman needs the support, or a man wants to be involved (or wakes easily), why the need to declare that wrong/stupid/lazy/inadequate?

Why imply that the woman is a shrew and the man hen-pecked because they arrange things differently?

If it's just as easy to do it yourself (which is what I found), why preen about how you are "allowing" your husband to sleep because if all his hard manly work?

There are no opprtunities for shut-eye during the day with 3 children under 5. I was working my arse off and was shattered.

If having DH, who was just doing his regular job, awake for moral support had made sense to us, why would I deserve the misogynistic sneers of a thread full of breast feeders?

It makes breastfeeding sound like a form of female oppression.

While you are up in the night, do whatever you need to do to stay sane. Not what you need to do to make sure you are being a good little wifey.

AThingInYourLife · 16/10/2012 09:25

And really, a man insisting he remove himself to another room "for survival" is being a bit of a shit.

Survival?

Fuck off.

If your wife can survive feeding all night, you can survive sleeping beside her.

ZuleikaD · 16/10/2012 10:04

FWIW I have three under five as well and am pregnant and I can easily grab an hour's sleep when they're napping.

TruthSweet · 16/10/2012 10:33

DH sleeps on the futon downstairs and has the monitor for the older 3 while I am in our bedroom with DD4 (3w) as she doesn't sleep much at all due to reflux.

DH has to go to work/drive to other offices but he has the children in the morning until he wakes me up for the day (they can get up from 6.30 or so at times but I don't need to be up until 7.15 - yes sleep is in such short supply 45m makes a real difference!).

He also has them every weekend morning until I come downstairs (usually 10-11am ) and loads dishwasher/washing machine/tumble dryer so he's not slacking off.

AThingInYourLife · 16/10/2012 12:14

My children don't nap any more and I'm too busy to join them even if they did.

I would have thought a napping 4 year old was something of a rarity.

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