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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

long-term breast feeding: when / why stop?

50 replies

Evita · 28/12/2003 15:42

I'm still breast feeding my 14 month old daughter morning and night and wondering why and when to stop. I know a lot of people stop for specific reasons like problems / health / returning to work, but for those people who have breast fed a long time without any particular concerns, what's the reason and best time to stop? At the moment she and I are quite happy with things but I know it will have to stop at some point.

OP posts:

cazzybabs · 07/01/2004 13:13

My 20 myo says "dease" and pulls up my jumper. She is still feeding quite alot, but i am a bit fed up now (as is dp) and want another baby which is no happening at the mo (which I am putting down tot he bf). Any stopping suggestions - cold turkey or cutting down?

Marina · 07/01/2004 13:22

Pidge, I fed ds once a day until he was 2.5 and weaned himself. For over a year, this feed was at bedtime and therefore in private, so although he was an early talker we did not have many public requests or top lifting. At 4.5 he is still a great neckline forager (like lots of other little boys, I bet) but not at all jealous of seeing his baby sis feed. As I fed him for so long, I did wonder if he would remember his own feeds and start demanding a return...but no (thank goodness).
It's so nice to read about others doing extended b/f. My NCT Group all fed enthusiastically until their babies were a year old and then all seemed to think it suddenly became disgusting. So I never even mentioned it to them, or to my parents, who also felt that once a child could say ANYTHING, it was wrong. One of my GPs also expressed her revulsion when it came up during a consultation (this was when ds was 15 months old, she had obviously not heard of the WHO guidelines).
Someone mentioned teeth. Ds got his early and I only got one nip so I didn't let it put me off continuing...but I did worry about decay. Happily this was not a problem for us but I have heard that long-term, on-demand b/f can cause serious damage.
Ds is growing up thinking that breastfeeding is a great way to feed a baby and I hope that will make him a supportive partner when and if he has children of his own. For that reason alone I am quite pleased he has conscious memories of breastfeeding.

motherinferior · 07/01/2004 13:26

Topless beaches become a bit of a risk, I've heard

Picking up on Marina's point about children's acceptance - I only b/f dd1 exclusively to three months and she dropped her night feed at 10 months. I did get rather upset when I realised she assumed all babies had a bottle, and I think that strengthened my resolve to bf her baby sister for a lot longer ('dass my sista, mummy feed her outa her boobies'...

Pidge · 07/01/2004 14:41

LOL re risks of topless beaches ... can only dream of that in frosty UK at the moment!

Marina - I know what you mean about feeling isolated doing extended b/f. My NCT group are the same, they actually exclaimed in horror at our last meeting "you're not STILL feeding her". My MIL was also appalled that I was still feeding, but interestingly has shut up about it recently, maybe because my SIL is also still feeding beyond a year. Or because she got fed up with me banging on about WHO guidelines! I would love to do what you did and just let my dd naturally wean herself. Will see what happens and see if she does start requesting feeds more often.

pupuce · 07/01/2004 20:21

My DD weaned herself off at 19 months old and she would not go back - I respected that (though as it was unexpected I was a bit sad).

You can wean her or you can let herself decide.... There is no right or wrong. We all have our reasons

Tissy · 07/01/2004 20:29

I cut down gradually until we were at one night-time feed at 22 months. At that point I had a couple of overnight trips away for work and decided that as dd had been quite happy without a breastfeed whilst i was away, it was time to call it a day. The first time I said"all gone" shee cried for about 10 seconds, then took her dummy and fell asleep the second time about 5 seconds, after that she accepted that there was no more mummys milk.

I do feel a little guilty that it was me that stopped not her, but am pleased too that she had a good start and I now have my breasts to myself. If only I could get the shape back as well!

Clarinet60 · 07/01/2004 22:24

Interesting how many people you come across who think it's disgusting. I'm so sick of disapproval that there is only one friend I'll do it in front of now, herself an ex-extended b/feeder. I don't know why people get so weired about it.

Demented · 07/01/2004 23:42

LOL re the topless beaches. We were in Greece when DS2 was 15 months and still b/fed (he fed loads on holiday) and that was my concern as he wandered inbetween the sunbeds with topless women exposing nipples just at his head height. He didn't try thankfully!

prettycandles · 08/01/2004 14:46

Last month my mum and I went to buy bras, and dd needed a feed, so I fed her in the changing room while mum had her fitting. My mum's quite short, and her boobs were at dd's height when she sat up, so she had a good look, leant forward, and latched on!

JanHR · 08/01/2004 15:09

Prettycandles, what was your mums's reaction?

prettycandles · 08/01/2004 15:27

She found it very funny

dd wasn't upset. There was nothing there so she let go and returned to my boobs. She does still check inside my mum's blouse from time to time.

Clarinet60 · 08/01/2004 16:08

LOL. That reminds me of a recent social occasion at which I said a quiet but firm No when ds2 lifted my jumper. He looked up at me, scowled, then turned to my friend who was sitting right next to us on the sofa. He eyed her jumper up, but thought better of it at the last second.

Demented · 08/01/2004 20:56

LOL prettycandles!

Original poster

Evita · 08/01/2004 21:09

Marina, I totally know what you mean about keeping long term breast feeding 'secret.' I'm v. ashamed to tell my mother or mother in law or friends (other than one who also still bf's). It is weird too how people who have breast fed and given up at an 'acceptable' time look with disgust at those still going on.

To conclude my initial thread though, I have decided to cut down my daughter's 2 a day feeds, probably cut the morning one. I just feel it is the right time. And although I dearly love it, I feel it's time to pull back a bit now.

OP posts:

pupuce · 08/01/2004 21:26

Evita- I was like that at first now I am TOTALLY proud and will tell anyone how long I BF for... and both my SILs had negative comments I was REALLY pleased to tell them off....

squirmyworm · 15/01/2004 15:32

having had an awful first four weeks of feeding (nipple thrush - yeuch) and really only had the will to carry on thanks to supportive husband and excellent breastfeeding clinic, I now love it and can't bear the thought of giving up...My mother in law tells a lovely story about my husband aged just under two (breastfed until 14 months) rushing up to a mannequin in M&S and ecstatically grabbing its plastic breasts - I think one of the comments from a nearby lady shopper was 'wouldn't mind meeting him when he's a bit older'....

Original poster

Evita · 15/01/2004 21:08

Awww ...

OP posts:

Posey · 18/01/2004 20:23

Just saw a link to this from another thread, don't know how I managed to miss it .
Anyway its so nice to read of so many others doing the same as me. Ds has just turned 1 and is still happily b/f. He will be my last baby (I'm fairly sure of that!) so am cherishing it while we both still enjoy it.
Just one question to you other long timers. Did/do your babies also take a bottle? Ds has never got the hang of them so consequently it can be a little tying. He is b/f at bed time and although he isn't fed to sleep, I suspect he would not go to sleep without. That means I always do bedtime. Anyone in the same boat, or any tips to let me off the bedtime just once in a while.

hercules · 18/01/2004 20:36

I breastfed my d1 until he was four years old and then told him I was using medicine which meant I could no longer breastfeed him and had no problems. I'd never heard of anyone breastfeeding past a few weeks till met my husband who is srilankan and was fed also until this age. I read somewhere maybe WHO that 4 years is the world average for stopping but in this country people have a real problem with what is considered the norm in other countries. Wih d2 who is 3 months I'll aim for 2 years max as I want my boobs back! I left an 8 year gap between the two as I wanted to get my self back to myself before embarking on long term bf again.
As for not having to feed to sleep just go out for the evening and you'll probably find that as you're not there your baby will go to sleep on his own and at least you'll have some fun!

tamum · 18/01/2004 20:42

Hi Posey, I'm not sure this will help much, but I stopped breastfeeding ds when he was about 18 months as he had a cold that meant he couldn't latch on properly for a few days. During this time he got used to just being cuddled while he went to sleep. Obviously this is non-ideal as you then have to break that habit aswell, but at least dh was able to share the cuddling!

Clarinet60 · 18/01/2004 22:06

I feed him just before bed, but he will take a bottle too. So he has both bottle (small) and boob before bed. If I'm not there, he accepts it and goes to bed OK, but not until he's checked underneath DH's jumper!

WedgiesMum · 18/01/2004 22:17

Fed both of mine long-ish term. DS until he was 19 months and I was pregnant with DD, he only had one bedtime feed and he fell asleep wihtout it two nights in a row (we'd had really energetic days and not much napping) and he just went on from there. DD was 21 months and I just wanted my body back, so gritted teeth and never offered it at bedtime but read stories with her snuggled in my arms, but sitting up. It worked with her - although she is a thumb sucker which helped her through. A year on she still likes skin to skin contact though and often will snuggle down on my bare tummy if we're watching tv, and can often be found with her hand inside my tshirt (or her own) stroking the skin for comfort. HTH

Posey · 19/01/2004 19:05

Thanks. Yes that does help. Will maybe try doing his bedtime feed not in his room then get dh to cuddle up to him a bit before putting him in his cot. Will see how it goes.

Pidge · 20/01/2004 11:51

Posey - I've done exactly what you just described as I didn't want the evening breastfeed to be a necessary part of the bedtime routine. So at about 14 months I started to give my dd the evening feed outside the bedroom. I'd do it sooner for another child. After the feed we would brush teeth and go up and read stories. So now my dp can do the putting to bed bit too.

My dd does take a bottle - but to be honest by this age I'm sure that for the odd night they could happily go without the milk. If we're going out, we do leave a bottle, but often she's not interested.

So I reckon - get a routine of putting your ds down without the feed, but with a nice story session etc. Then you can try someone else putting him to bed. If we're going out and granny or whoever is to put my dd down we just make sure she (dd not granny!) is completely exhausted, and there's no problem.

Original poster

Evita · 21/01/2004 21:08

Posey, my daughter does have a bottle in the day. But she never takes the same comfort from a bottle as she does from a breast feed - will frequently refuse a bottle but never refuses a breast! This is why I've kept up the bedtime feed. My daughter's not a 'cuddly' baby so it's hard to find a way to get her to settle without a cuddly feed. She never falls asleep on my breast now but it definitely chills her out.

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