Somebody commented on me feeding in public today.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

The came and congratulated me and it felt most odd. I didn't know what to say.

It was my 3rd and I'm long past the fumbling with yards of strategically placed cloth thing, and nervous glancing around thing. I just kinda get on with it, whilst zipping up my 4yr olds cardigan at the same time etc. etc.

What do you say. I know the woman meant well, but I felt a bit like a child with her 'well done's!

I agree with you SM - I think it's potentially belittling and patronising, even if meant well.

It's one reason why student bfs and peer supporter trainees almost always learn not to give overt praise in that way....'you're doing really well' and 'what a great mother you are' and 'congratulations for breastfeeding'.....you can affirm and encourage without actually praising and congratulating, which mothers often feel awkward about.

tbh, when I WAS in the firstborn nervous phase, despite making quite a scene with my covering-up rigmorole, I would have been horrified at the thought that someone had 'noticed'. Perhaps it is just better for people not to comment.

I've had the odd 'smile' across a room, or encouraging 'isn't he lovely dear' from an elderly person who didn't actually mention the feeding despite hovering practically on top of my boob to get a better look at his face. They didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

Also, this woman rubbed my back at the same time

Oh god I had this I was at a craft show bfeeding my pfb in the restaurant (was very used to feeding and juggling other things by then) when woman at the next table said very loudly how nice it was to see a 'young girl' breast feeding people turned to look and it all turned into a breast is best multi table discussion - my mum was unhelpfully in hysterics!

It can feel patronising, I agree, but I think it's nice if people want to be supportive, to be honest. It's still something you don't see much of (I was in a cafe with DD when she was small and there was a tiny baby absolutely screaming the place down to be fed and its mother was clearly too embarrassed to do so) and if people want to comment positively then I think they should be allowed to. It would be hard to know exactly what to say to someone if you wanted to say 'go you' - I think it's nice that they try.

I agree zule. I got congratulated yesterday at a gallery & ended up having a half hour conversation about it with a very nice woman

It's not the norm by any means to see BFing so I don't mind at all if people want to comment positively.

My HV also congratulates me every time I see her which I quite like. I responds well to praise though

A woman congratulated me in the park the other day, and said it was lovely to see and 'the most natural thing in the world' - she made me feel fab! Like Seriously I must also respond well to praise

I would take a "well done" over the tutting and head shaking I had today whilst feeding my little one in a cafe. I'm a first time mum and still rubbish at being discreet even when I do try and tuck myself away in a corner!

I saw a very young woman, in our town where no one, and I mean no one bfeeds, she had a teeny tiny baby and was walking along chatting and smiling while feeding - i was in awe but thought it wouldn't be right so tell her so

Years ago I was feeding DD2 (now a teenager) in a corner of a hotel lounge in a quiet seaside town. I thought I was being discreet until I say the manager coming towards me. She asked if I was feeding my baby. When I very nervously said yes she beckoned over a waiter and sent him for a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits for me - free of charge. She told me I was doing a great job. I nearly kissed her!

I get the point you are making OP, but I'd take the "praise" any day as it seems so rare! With dd2 I am a bit meh about it as feeding her has been a doddle, but 1st time round was such hard going that I felt so thankful to get positive comments. It's one of these things that can remind you that people can be v nice! I fed dd2 wgen she was little in a shopping centre cafe and a couple my parents ate sitting next to me seemed to be looking at me really oddly. I spent 5 mins creating rude and pithy one liners in my head when the husband started chatting to me, mainly to say that dd2 was beautiful, his wife had bf all 4 of theirs, and he wanted me to know they thought it was a great thing!

Just say thankyou. I often think 'yay!' when I see women BFing in public, but I wouldn't say anything for the reasons you give. I wouldn't mind if someone said something to me though. No one has ever mentioned me breastfeeding, ever. Well, not strangers anyway.

Being a first timer, I would love it if someone boosted my confidence like this! Not sure about the back rub but it was clearly meant very well. I was attempting to BF my screaming DD on the bus once, feeling very self conscious. A lovely woman sitting behind me quietly gave me some advice for getting her latched on a bit better. Have never forgotten it - it was so sweet.

Well better than shrieking at you for getting your norks out

I hated that too, it was the older women who would come over and rub DS's head while I was trying to keep him latched on who would start looking whistfully at him saying stuff like "ahh I remember when mine were that small"

felt like saying "can ya please fuck off and leave me to it then?"

even MIL did it, I REMOVED myself to the privacy of my bedroom to feed and she came in and kissed Dbaby's head!

Really when you're feeding you do just want to be left alone, apart from the lovely Costa staff who always came over and offered table service if I was feeding and the lady who apologised for staring and explained that it was because she had lost a baby

as for the others.. PERSONAL SPACE! Ya still like it when you're nursing!!

I wasn't offended or cross and understood the woman's intentions were kind. It just made me feel a bit odd. Perhaps BECAUSE it was my 3rd. It was a bit like being praised for managing to get dressed.

A week ago a woman in M&S said to me with a smile 'you would never be able to do that in a cafe in my day!'. I had absolutely no idea whether she was for it or against it. That also left me a bit

I always want to give mums BFing in public a huge cheer and round of applause but I can see how that would be awkward.

I go with a friendly smile.

I wouldn't dream of saying anything to a breast or bottle feeding mother either good or bad.

these days its bottle feeding mums that have the most stigma to overcome when feeding in public so if I was going to cheer anyone on it'ld be them.. but I woudln't because its patronising and stupid to say well done to someone for feeding their child the best way they can!

I can't see how that can be true lacking given that almost every mother bottle feeds, even if they also started or continue to bf.

... if their BFing friend beside them is being congratulated for having compliant boobs/baby for example!

I had to BF DD1 in public when she was 5 days old. She was a bit prem (36+2 but hard work and rehospitalised shortly after for extreme jaundice) so she couldn't wait. In a large M&S store I tried finding the feeding room but ended up going to the cafe to beg for help. A lovely lady working there got me settled in a quietish corner and then went and got my order for me. I was really nervous and felt like the two nearby tables were judging me, an older couple at one, and a woman in her twenties with a mother aged lady at the other.

As soon as I finished feeding DD1 they started chatting - I'd been getting attention all day about how small she was. They complemented me on being able to feed her with such confidence and discretion. This set me up for the rest of my bf time with both kids.

I only ever received positive comments (I know this is not always the case) and I think that people who say well done or comment favourably are just trying to let us know which side of the bf-in-public-line they stand and it's with us.

I am a peer supporter and in our training we were actively encouraged to congratulate breastfeeding mums we happened to spot out in public! I only did it once, I said to a woman it was great to see someone breastfeeding, but I felt a plank afterwards as she didn't quite know what to say so I haven't bothered since!

I was photographed BF DS2! We were at a re enactment all dressed up, so putting our selves in a position to be photo'd really. DS wanted booby so he got it and a woman said it was so nice and authentic would I mind if she took a picture. I was fine with that, she was stood back and not in our faces or anything.

lackingnamechangeinspiration - my MIL also did that! I went into the bedroom to feed DD in private when she was very small. MIL proceeded to barge in and stand over me the whole time, peering at my boob and totally distracting DD. Any praise would have been welcome but it felt more like she was checking up on me....but that's a whole other thread!