sex vs breastfeeding

[Fuzzywuzzyhaslonghair]

I realise that I am going to have to make my own mind up about this but I am interested to hear people's opinion on this one. Sorry for the length!

DS is nearly one yr, still bfing although only 3 times a day and once in the wee small hours. I am guessing that the bfing has altered my hormones so massively (still no period for example) that it is to blame for my complete lack of interest in sex. in fact, i would go as far as saying that the idea of sex disgusts me and at this point, if someone were to say to me "thou shalt never have sex again", I would pretty much be fine with it. Except I do want another DC eventually! I've managed sex about 5 times since DS born.

DH loves baby and me, knows how I feel, and is hopeful that we will resume service once bfing stops at one year (as i'm going back to work which involves long hours). thing is, i'm thinking i might want to bf a little longer, eg at night, but is this unfair to the DH whom I love?!

I think it would be easy to blame bfing on your lack of sex drive and I'm sure that hormones are an influence. But for me my sex drive is about so much more than my hormones.

I totally lost my sex drive after having DD and wasn't bothered about having sex ever again! But I knew I needed to make an effort and so did DH. He was patient but was just waiting for me to get back .into it spontaneously, which just wasn't going to happen!

We talked about it and that helped. We worked out a code so that I could indicate I really wasn't in the mood so he didn't feel constantly rejected.

The other thing that helped me was reading that the more sex you have the more sex you want. We started pencilling in sex for specific nights and then trying to stick to it. Not very romantic I know, but then I did start to get my sex drive back and things between us as a couple got better. I continued to bf until DS was 2. I'm now pregnant with dc3!

Good luck.

What was your sex drive like before you had your baby? Indeed - what was your sex life like? (not looking a for an actual answer, just something for you to think about.) Was it you or your partner that initiated, how often etc? Did your sex life get better when you were trying to get pregnant?

And remember, you don't have to have full-on sex - start small, and build your way up. The more you do it and enjoy it, the more you'll want it!!

Thanks both, I guess it is about easing back into the saddle.... Its reassuring to know I'm not the only one like this!

Definitely agree with scheduling some sex t get back into the swing of things. Do you like saucy books or watching porn together - something that might get you in the mood?

Get yourself some lube - breastfeeding hormones affect lubrication. Don't put yourself under pressure, but try to make some space for intimacy.

Don't think that stopping breastfeeding would automatically lead to return of sex drive. Especially if you're knackered from work anyway.

I recently heard on womans our the aver time to get you "groove" back is more like 15 months.

I know I'm not that interested in sex at the moment but try to be close with my OH as much as I can. So hand holding, cuddles, proper kissing so that we remain close. I'm getting my groove back now at about 18 months. We have made love a handful of times and when we do it's great (now) less so pre the 12 months mark. I wish we had more time and more sleep as I think the lack of both really impact on my desire levels. As DS gets older I think he might get to watch cartoons on a saturday morning more.

I just got my period back at 9 months abd this has definitely coincided with sex drive starting to come back - like you just couldn't face the thought of it!!! Still bf about 5 x a day (twice in bloody night!) and I'm sure tiredness also has an impact. I think when you're really sleep deprived sex can feel like something else to interrupt your sleep- especially if you wait until you're in bed to get started! This is my 3rd dc and want to reassure you that you will start to feel like your old self again!

I SO agree with your post, could've written it myself. Except that things didn't really improve when I stopped feeding DS

This time, the knackeredness again has a huge amount to do with it. The fact that my 'bits' feel completely different (and are still sore, actually) obviously doesn't help. I've lost my mojo :(

Pre-DCs, DH had to turn me down sometimes... bet he regrets it now :(

I hated the idea of sex while bf. we stopped at 11 months mainly because ds seemed less and less interested. I'm not sure the two go together for me but each person probably feels differently. Entirely your decision...