Ex - Breastfeeders please cheer me up!

[Babymaker]

I feel silly about this but it is really getting me down. I have a dd 9 months, I have always looked forward to having children and breastfeeding them. I always knew I would do it, its a scientific fact that it is best for your baby and of course the most natural way. So I did for over 8 months. I loved every minute, even the excruciating painful beginning - I gritted my teeth through the bloody painful nipples as I saw her sweet little face sucklimg away enjoying her feed. I breast fed her exclusivley, she did not even have expressed milk or solids until recently. The first thing is that I miss it. I know I moaned about the expressing, mastitus, engorgement, leaking etc but I really do miss my little baby suckling. Everynight was our favourite special time together. She changed over to bottle and formula with no problem she did not even miss it. I think I kind of felt a bit rejected, I expected a bit of a fight!!! Silly really! The second thins is what I've been left with. I had small breasts to begin with, I loved my full breasts whilst breastfeeding - it was so nice to feel so womanly. Near the end I was looking forward to the milk drying up as I think my partner looked on them as food rather than sexual objects... now they are far from anything sexual. I have lost whatever I had. They look disgusting, they are so empty and small. Tonight I looked at myself in the mirror and I swear I looked like a man! I cant even bring myself to touch them - it makes me feel queasy. Its so unfair that God leaves me with this after I give my child the best start. Now I know the real reason why models dont breastfeed!!!! I feel like crying, I fees scarred. There is nothing I can do now with my body. I dont regret breastfeeding for a second, I weigh less now than before I was pregnant and that is definitely down to breastfeeding, my daughter is beautiful and healthy and I know that should be enough to rid these selfish and vain feelings. But no matter how much I pretend they are not real, I am faced with the same disgusting body everyday in the mirror. I want to enjoy my body and enjoy sex like i used to but if I dont feel sexy than I cant act sexy. The last thing I want is for this to effect my relationship with dh. I am beginning to think about this all the time, I have not felt sad at all since my dd was born and now for the first time I feel like I have lost my body. I know its inevitable but its so cruel.

Anyone here?
Wanted to talk before DH comes home.

Babymaker, I am in a very similar position to you. I fed my son for 8 months, finding it difficult at times but generally happy and pleased that he thrived on it. And like you I didn't have much of a chest to begin with and afterwards seemed to have nothing at all. I think part of that feeling that my boobs had disappeared was because of the contrast with when they were fuller. Also, it was bad at first and then gradually over the next 18 months, they seemed to fill out a bit again (I wasn't putting on weight, the opposite in fact). Perhaps what you are feeling is just the anti-climax after stopping feeding which is affecting the way you look at your body as a whole - it's a seismic shift back to sexy woman after being milk mummy and it takes a while. Or I did anyway. Good luck, and I'm sure you will feel better too - keep feeling proud of what you have done for your dd and those proud feelings will probably extend to your breasts again soon.

why do you feel you have lost your body?

are you thinking abou this too much?

I would advise you to get on woth the rest of your life and enjoy your baby growing up

Oh God babymaker, sorry you feel so bad - and there was I moaning that I wasn't enjoying b/f.
I don't know that I have any useful advice, have you discussed it with your DH? I'm sure he finds you sexy whatever you look like, but I'm also sure its about how you feel, not how you look

Have you spoken to anyone else about it? Are there any exercises to firm up your breast muscles, which should make you look fuller. At the extreme there is always implants but it seems a bit drastic

wish I could offer a magical solution

Well I would say I think about it 24 hours, its only been in the last week and I wrote to Mumnet tonight because I saw them in the mirroe, plus Im alone tonight so I am thinking about things. I hope it wont effct me long term, I dont want to constantly moan about it. I have never really been bothered about my body. Ive always had small breast, which I quite liked. But now I have horrible small breasts. I hope what happens to Wilbur happens to me where they fill out slightly. Maybe its because its only recently I stopped, I just dont want it to effect my relationship with dh.

Give yourself a bit of time I think, its a stressful time of the year, lots of pressure for everything to be perfect. I'm sure you have lots of options though I don't really know what these are - though you could get pregnant again perhaps?! Still, you can't do that forever can you?! Are you sure you are smaller than prepregnancy?

How long ago did you stop b/feeding? It takes a while for your body to readjust, and I am sure others here on mumsnet will echo what I say in that your breasts will change shape with time - I am still breastfeeding my 18 month old dd, and at about 9 months my boobs looked like spaniel's ears - now they have changed shape again and are a bit fuller- I am only feeding her once a day now.

Also your mood may be affected by hormones changing now you have stopped feeding.

Try talking to DH about how you feel - I felt the same a while ago about my body, and talking to him really helped me think more positively about myself.

fol de rol

I think during the first year post-natal there will always be a few things that make you obsess for a while (mine was my bum - how could it have got that HUGE?) but thankfully the whole family steamroller seems to cure a lot of it just by keeping you busy until things don't seem so bad. Give yourself a bit more time, babymaker, and try not to think about body-related things for a while. Also, I'm sure your dh doesn't feel anything negative about your body, I think we are far harder on ourselves (about the "perfect body" thing) than men ever are.

I mean my DH, not yours obviously!!

I can honestly say that when people tell you it takes a year to get your body back again and your hormones its B***Ks. It took me two. You will go on a low you have had a rush of hormones making you feel fantastic about feeding your child. Now you are not, your body will be craving that. I promise you once that is out of your system and you become you again, you will love your new boobs, and be proud of what they have done. Its a very emotional time stopping feeding, don't worry about feeling sexy or what you look like.

thanks mums!
i guess i am being hard on myself, my baby is 9 months and i stopped a few weeks ago... i did feel a bit depressed actually. i have told my dh about my feelings and he always tried to make me feel better, i wont even let him see them now. i know they look horrible. i would not even mind if i had saggy boobs, there is nothing to sag. before they where small but pert now they are just two little empty sacks i feel so silly even saying this now, it seems so unimportant and vain. hopefully its just a post breastfeeding feeling that will pass.

there was a thread when Mears said something about a year to restore the fat deposits.

doesnt make them sound so attractive when you think of them as fat deposits!

i know - wish i could suck some fat deposits out of mky ass and move them to my boobs, i would have a lovely hanful then... that would be great.