DS (4) still BF - must I stop so he won't wet himself at school?

[beanbearer]

Just had a conversation with my mother and seeking others' opinions (I'm quite open to the idea that she may have a point, I would find it easier coming from someone else).

Gist is, DS started school this term and in holidays spent much time with his 6 yr old sister pretending to a baby - her favorite game. Mum's take is that he's clinging to babyhood and needs to be persuaded to view himself as a grown up boy so that he won't think it's OK to just wee in his trousers. Part of that is apparently weaning him.

He potty trained at 2.5, then regressed after 4 months and wore nappies again for another 8 months (ish), then wore pants but had accidents reasonably regularly through Nursery. It comes and goes. He can go for weeks without an accident then have 4 in a day. Have seen GP to ask about infections - none they could identify. He concentrates hard and seems to block everything else out when something engages his attention. He doesn't seem to notice the signal that it might be time to go to the toilet... or he's too busy and doesn't think it's that important.

At a bit of a loss to know what to do. Feel inadequate for not having him "school ready" but to me the two things are not connected. Am I deluding myself?

bean, you need a referral to a child continence expert. Try phoning the ERIC helpline:

www.eric.org.uk/Temporary/ERIC%20Helpline

My understanding is that day time wetting in four year olds has nothing to do with bf or wanting to be a baby.

I'm not sure how many of us there are, but I fed my second child till he started school at four and a half.

He hadn't wet himself for months prior to that - well maybe a one off accident, I think - and to me, too, the two things are not connected.

Also he was fine with the transition to school and not being breastfed any more, it stopped gradually, I just said no and offered something else more often and he was fine.

I am sorry you're having these issues with your little one. Tiktok is the expert here, but I would not think that your feeding him has any bearing on his continence.

Plus I know from friends' experiences that it is very common for a child still to have wetting issues well into reception and even beyond - also issues with where and how often they will poo, some still wear nappies - or pull-ups - at 5 or 6.

It's not that unusual - I am sure. Please don't feel that you have done anything wrong.

I don't think there is a connection between b/feeding and toilet training.

I know several children who were breastfed when they started primary school and I've never heard of this before! I'm no expert but I suspect that the two aren't connected. I'd look into the continence as a separate issue, has he wet himself at school? Could they help maybe?

I very, very much doubt there is any connection.

Extended BFing and being "babyish" in other ways are not connected.

My very grown up DD2 BF way, way past the beginning of school and was dry in the day by 2 and 9 months. Her equally mature friend still had night time issues at 8.

Yes you need to talk to someone about your DS being dry for school, but don't let BFing cloud the issue.

ds1 was still breastfeeding when he went to school and never wet himself.

Scientific sample of one

I don't think there is a connection.

I don't think that breastfeeding has any connection to the bladder, unless you think that the extra liquid will make your child wet himself more at night.

Was your mother negative about long term breastfeeding before potty training?

My children gave up breastfeeding at round two years old, although I know other people who fed longer.

Plenty of formula fed kids also have toilet accidents.

My rather grown up eldest was BF until just before her 5th birthday (still counts herself as BF) and although she had the odd accident it was mainly because she gets too involved in things.