5 days in, wits end

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Have ds who is 22 months, bf him til 11 months
Now have dd 5 days old. Thought all would be fine, would bf again no bother. But really at wits end. Feeding is sheer bloody agony. Nipples don't look cracked but pain through whole feeds. And she has been feeding every 20-30 mins since around half 7 last night.

I am I tears whenever she latches on and just can't face the next feed. 2 midwives checked latch in the week and said was ok. Any suggestions welcome

I'm sorry your having such a hard time. Does she have a tongue tie ( a sort of tethering under her tongue that stops her sticking her tongue out)? It can stop them being able to feed properly leaving them hungry and unsatisfied and can leave you very sore. The midwives often miss it. It's a really simple procedure to get it snipped and if youre bf they'll do it on the NHS.

Not got lots to suggest but didn't want to read without replying: my DS is three and a half weeks old and I am still bf'ing his sister so like you I confidently expected it all to go well only to find that even second time round it wasn't as straightforward as is expected...

Is there a good breastfeeding baby cafe you can go to as soon as possible? I know you've got to get thru Sunday first, ain't it always the way. Midwives may be ok at checking latches but there's nothing like a good bf supporter who will sit with you observing a whole feed. Or, a friend of mine had good experiences with the bf helpline if you google it. I think you could try that even in the middle of the night though google will confirm that.

For right now, can your partner take the baby and give you a break even if for an hour or so? That might mean walking a squalling baby up SMS down in another room until you can face giving another feed - my DP did quite a bit of that with our first child. We also resorted to the cartons of f

Damn! The Pre-prepared cartons of formula just to give a break, once a day or so, but it is very early days for establishing bf and you may not want to do this.

I would second getting checked for tongue tie. Look at your baby when she is crying. Can she stick her tongue out but also up to the roof of her mouth? What size is your baby? I bf two of mine and they were very petite and I came to the conclusion that their mouths were just a bit small and as they grew bigger, they were able to open wider and it became more comfortable. Does the pain continue after the feed like a burning? You may need to get checked for thrush. There might be white spots in the baby's mouth.

I really hope it gets better for you soon.

Thanks for replying folks
She finally went to sleep after last feed, just about to start all over again
I wondered about tongue tie but wasn't sure what to look for, will check today. Boobs also massively engorged which isn't helping
Dh has been v supportive but need him to look after ds so trying to let him sleep
Dd def not petite! 8lbs11 at birth
Will look for feeding helpline today

You probably would not be able to identify a tongue tie unless it was a really obvious one. It takes a lot of skill. Also worth saying at this point that many health professionals can't identify tongue tie either.

this might be helpful

and this too

note that there's no sound on it.

SaphireandFeverTree, whilst it is true that some tongue tied babies can't stick their tongues out, there are many who can. It all depends on the nature of the tie.

My ds2 had a tongue tie and it was v difficult to spot. He was in hospital for other things and one surgeon said he didn't have one, one said he did and another said not sure! I agree sticking the tongue out/up is not the only indication of tt.

Thanks for those links, maw, v helpful
Had a good look today and as far as can see tongue seems to move freely but will ask midwife tomorrow
Taking it one feed at a time today

Poor you. 5 days is often a very low point of exhaustion and hormonal havoc as your body is trying to sort itself out Do you have help in the house, especially to look after your toddler? And do you have lansinoh?

It could well be moving freely at the front, but be restricted at the back. These are the ones that are hard to spot, but often the ones that cause the biggest problems.

An exaggerated latch helped me and DD a lot. In retrospect she had quite a recessed chin she was effectively pinching my nipple because she wouldn't take it in properly. I suffered for 7 weeks (very, very painful!) and then finally managed to self-diagnose the problem with the help of MN and an NHS leaflet that sadly no longer appears to be online. For two weeks I had to keep re-attaching DD, but she eventually got the idea and bf has been pain free since (DD is 15 months now).

This is quite a good video showing the exaggerated latch if you are not familiar with it:

Thanks again everyone, nice to know not alone
Yes dh is off work and basically looking after toddler single handed while i whimper on sofa. Which also makes me feel shit as he is obv totally displaced by the whole thing
Going to try bf helpline tomorrow, couldn't get answer today, and also have big chat with midwife when she comes

I found nipple shields helpful. Experts say they are bad, reduce supply etc but it beats giving up BF! Could it be thrush?
Congratulations by the way!