Feel the need to justify myself to strangers - annoying! (rant)

[Namethattune]

I was at a 70th birthday party yesterday with my 3mo DD, and a complete stranger, in making conversation, asked me if I was feeding her myself.

As it happens I'm not, as she has tongue tie which has been snipped twice to no avail, so feeding was always difficult and stressful for her, and painful and stressful for me. I persevered until 11 weeks, then reached the end of my tether and moved to ff.

But I didn't really think that how I was feeding was any of this woman's business, so I just said no, and I could feel the disapproval coming off her in waves (she'd just been telling me how her grandson was on the boob all the time). I then felt the need to justify myself, to a complete stranger, who I'm never likely to see again. I know I should just ignore people like her and let it wash over me but I can't - it's bloody annoying! People shouldn't judge my feeding choice when they don't know me or my circumstances.

I'd also been saying what a good sleeper my dd was, and when this woman found out that she was ff she said "that's probably why". Er, no, she slept just the same when I was still breastfeeding. AAAARGH!

I had to fight the impulse to explain why DS was having formula to anyone I spoke to. It was hard.

Are you sure she was disapproving? She might just have a naturally dour cast of countenance?

There will always be some people who disapprove, whatever you do. I caught some stick for feeding DD past the age of one. It gets easier to ignore with time.

I felt like this with my first, who was mixed fed. Mixed fed my 2nd then went ff at about 4 months.

I was a steel trap by that point, having run the full gauntlet of ignoramus questions on my ELCS with DC2. If anyone asked, are you breastfeeding, I'd reply "why do you want to know?" with a sweet smile.

I bf and hate the 'are u feedin her yourself' question. Ff or bf of course I'm feeding her myself. She can't exactly go to the cupboard n sort her own bottle!!

Really though, people don't actually want to know. They are making conversation. Mostly.

Don't feel you have to justify yourself. For every person who thinks you should be BF, there'll be someone else who thinks you should be FF. I get negative comments about BF, especially when DS is crying ('your milk probably isn't good enough', 'is it something you've eaten?', 'perhaps he needs a bottle now he's 8 weeks old' etc). It could drive me mad, but I mostly just shrug it off, unless it's someone who I think would actually listen to an explanation.

You don't have to justify yourself, but she probably wasn't disapproving either. There's not many things you can ask about alittle baby - feeding and sleeping is it!

"Areyou feeding him/her yourself?" is bog standard conversation for women of a certain age. If you'd said yes you'd have been asked when you planned to stop :o
Ikwym about the sleeping though - and if you'd said anything you'd have been making a fuss etc so you can't actualy get your side across,m I hear your pain :o

Grr. Stupid questions people ask about babies (and generally well meaning so you can't reasonably say naff off!)

I bf, so I don't feel judged in the same way with that question. But "is he good?" has me tearing my hair out. No he f*cking isn't! So what?

Its hard, but I think the only thing you can do is bite your tongue.

It's so annoying but you've got to let it wash over you! Whatever we choose someone is going to have an opinion. The last health visitor I saw said my baby 'should' be going longer between feeds by 9 weeks, at first I thought i was doing something wrong then I thought, no, I know what's best for my ds even if she is the professional!

Your instinct will be right, no matter what the theory is on bfing. If you felt your lo found BFing stressful then she is clearly better off ff, end of!

On the other side of the coin, someone always has something to say if you're breastfeeding :) And this goes on from feeding, to weaning, to sleeping, to clothing... Afraid its part of having a baby, I'm afraid; someone always has something to say.

I really don't understand why people are so interested in how we feed our babies - I can't believe how many times I've been asked since DD was born (she's nearly 8 weeks). It's also the way people ask 'Are you feeding her yourself?'...why so scared of the word breast?! H went back to work yesterday & he said almost everyone he saw asked him how I'm feeding the baby. He's started affecting huge surprise & saying 'We have to FEED her?!'. Wish I had the guts to do the same but I feel I have to be more polite for some unknown reason.

I think you have to be more polite because people are taking a kind interest in your baby, and really there isn't a lot to ask about a baby. They are only really eating, sleeping, crying and pooing machines.

Really, people are just making conversation. However irritating you find it.