miserable: please help!

[Lisa78]

Sorry to whine but I feel so fed up tonight. My baby is 7 weeks old and gorgeous but I really am miserable about breast feeding him. Admittedly, it wasn't something I was wildly enthusiastic about but I wanted to do it for his sake but although the days of bleeding nipples are (hopefully!) behind me, I still don't enjoy it - it takes such a huge chunk out of the day and I feel so restricted. But now I am getting two weird problems, firstly, he has developed a strange habit of pulling his head back quite suddenly when feeding without letting go so I feel really bruised and tender now. Also, and this is odd, when I feed him, I start to itch especially on my head and face. It gets worse as the day goes on too, so now having fed him I am still itching. I could just sit down and cry tonight, I am utterly fed up of being in pain or uncomfortable. I keep reading about breast feeding and every bloody thing I read says useless stuff like it can be a bit difficult for a few days - ha - and bleating on about how bonded women felt with their babies when they breastfed. I don't feel like that when I feed him, only when I don't! Whats wrong with me???

Lisa78 your post could have been written by me, particularly the bonding stuff.
I gave up bf my first two babies after a few weeks because it was just too blooming sore. I could not understand how so many women spoke glowingly about the whole breastfeeding experience ( I secretly thought they were a bit soft in the head).
With baby number three I kept going just that bit longer till I got past my own particular "hump"(can't remember how long, a few months I think). Then I reached a magical stage where it started to be not only pain free but enjoyable and I realised what all those soft headed women were on about
My baby is 22 months old now and I still feed him at some point most days. Words like "rewarding" don't begin to describe how I now think of breastfeeding.
Best of luck with whatever you decide. If you do keep going, it WILL get easier, and in all probability you will find it very enjoyable.

Don't take my apparent "interest" personally!!!
I have been scolded in bra-fitting shops for buying 36C even though I (apparently) measure up 34D. Sod 'em; I know what's comfy.

I want another baby, down the line, and may treat myself to some new bras, too.

From what you're describing I think I would try a 38D or 38DD... What if you went into a shop and just tried some on? Not nursing bras, just ordinary ones! You can do that in privacy and just see if it feels ok. Or am I crazy to think you can try a bra on before buying & without anybody of the shop staff having to appraise. So long since I went bra-shopping (kind of pathetic, I know).

I'm going through a phase of being uninterested in my children and feeling very guilty about it....

Just to add, I found the Bravado bras the best as they are multi-sized. I bought 3 bras before giving birth, none of them fit. And I think Mothercare are particularly useless. Have you tried John Lewis? Or Blooming Marvellous (if you are in London)? Have to admit, it took me 9 weeks before I could feed without pain! Best of luck whatever you decide, and enjoy your baby - remember this is only the beginning, a year down the track, you will barely remember the first six weeks!

I got my nursing bras fitted a John Lewis - they were FAR different in size from the ones I would normally buy. However they did fit in the cup very well, but felt really tight around me - the lady assured me it was right though. A couple of weeks on I don't really even notice them any more, so I suppose it was just that I was used to wearing them a lot looser. It is worth bearing in mind that different bra makes come up in slightly different sizes - much like shoes. (Just to share my complete horror with you - the bra the John Lewis fitter sold me was a 34 H!!! Couldn't believe it!)

I'll second bravado's a being really comfy. Had god knows what first time round, for ds2 bought 3 bravados and they have been brill. They've lasted over 2 years as well (look gross but really really comfortable) and I have been all sorts of sizes in that time. And wearing leopard skin spots whilst fat and leaking milk, did make me feel better somehow!

Lisa78, your post could be mine right now! I b/f my dd for 4 months then weaned her onto the bottle when I started introducing solids. For the new arrival I thought I would try b/f for 6 months this time. However I didn't count on my feelings. Tbh I still haven't bonded with my ds, and he is nearly 2 weeks old. He couldn't be more different from dd, she was small, didn't cry much and I felt protective of her. He is big, his cries are loud and angry and he is very wriggly. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time b/f him. My boobs do hurt, as they did with dd. They are sore all the time and just before he feeds they are full and agonising. The let-down reflex is painful too. All of this I knew about, but I also now know that it may be 2 months before any of this settles down, and I'm not sure I can last that long this time! At least with dd I could take each day at a time hoping that the next day might bring some relief, now I am wiser and know of the struggles that lie ahead. I have less tolerance this time round.

I am trying to stick with it, but it is very hard and very tempting just to get some bottles. So I do know where you are coming from Lisa78 and all I can say is, that at nearly 8 weeks old, it will get better for you. At 3 months I could feed dd almost anywhere and the pain was replaced by a mild discomfort. So you are nearly there, if you can last just a couple more weeks you will see an improvement. However if it's making you that miserable, then perhaps a compromise? Replace one or two of his feeds with a bottle feed, giving yourself a break.

Whatever you decide, you must do what you feel is right for you. A miserable mum means a miserable baby. If switching to bottles will make you happier and more relaxed then these feelings will pass onto your baby. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Lisa78, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I have to say from my experience, breastfeeding changes radically when your baby gets a bit bigger. When he was tiny he used to feed for hours (literally) and I did feel rather shackled by it. But it wasn't long before a feed took just 20minutes and was done efficiently and easily. Babies need practise too. The breast tenderness wears off too IME - as your body gets used to making milk to order you no longer get so engorged and uncomfortable and you just feel more 'you'. I suspect the head thing might be because you still have a very active let down, and your baby is getting a sudden rush of milk down his throat - like someone's turned on a hosepipe! He pulls back against that but is still mid-feed so doesn't detatch. If that is the case (as it was with me) then that too will ease as your let down calms down, so to speak. As Tiktok says, feeding a tiny baby does take a huge chunk out of the day anyway, whether you are breastfeeding or bottlefeeding. With bottles you have the palaver of washing, sterilising, assembling the bottle etc, and you still have to sit with your baby to feed it, probably for just as long. Definitely see your GP about the itching. There are lots of anti-itch creams on the market (E45 make one) so why not try one of those. It might well be hormones or very dry skin in which case almond oil might work if rubbed into your scalp. Good luck.

Just wanted to second the advice of not getting bras from Mothercare. IME most small lingere shops have feeding bras (usually hidden away in a corner so you have to ask) and generally offer a better fitting service than some of the bigger stores (if you don't know a good shop locally ask around, I travel 21 miles for my bras ). It makes such a difference to have a properly fitting bra (arrgh I sound like my Mum now). You have done a great job in feeding until eight weeks. I swapped fully to bottles when my DS1 was 16 weeks after a not too successful attempt at b/feeding and found the routine of washing, sterlising, making up bottles and of course warming them before feeds a real pain plus I felt incredibly guilty as I really wanted to b/feed longer than I had. I had a far better experience with DS2.

Just a thought has the NCT counsellor been out to you and checked the latch, things may just need a tiny bit of tweaking for feeding to be more comfortable? If the NCT hasn't been very helpful you could always try La Leche League or the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (sorry I don't have the phone numbers).

All the best whatever you decide.

Lisa - just a quick thought, could he be pulling off because you both have thrush, that would explain you feeling tender too. I say this from experience! It really is woth getting this checked out

Yes - a possibility, NJB....agree.

Can I just say you are all saints and saviours!!
I got up this morning determined to get on track with this breast feeding malarky; I got measured in BHS - useless, what was I thinking? - then hopped over to mothercare to see the "senior bra specialist" and told her I had spent almost a hundred pounds on bras that were useless (she must have thought me slightly mad since I had brought them all with me to demonstrate their uselessness!) and I was absolutely at the end of my tether. She was really REALLY good, dropped everything and spent over half an hour coming in and out of the fitting room, having said that sometimes what you measure is no use at all (couldn't agree more) with the end result that I am sat here in an oh so comfy 40D - different size, different style.
I picked up some more Lansinoh cream whilst I was in there and decided to try their breast pads, which are much nicer than the nasty itchy scratchy ones by mothercare, avent and superdrug (quite the little expert aren't I with my 7 weeks experience!!) so feel much comfier all round.
I expressed one bottle of milk this morning, and I already give him one bottle of formula (Cow and Gate Omneo comfort - supposed to be for breast fed babies, not sure if its superior in any way, comments anyone?) a day, some days, though feel guilty about that
So I thought sod this for a game of soldiers, so at lunch time, DS1 - aged 14 - found himself instructed in the art of the steraliser, formula making and found himself feeding this to DS2 for his lunch (any excuse to make him clean his fingernails) whilst I tried on my new bras and pads, and had some lunch - that resulted in a happy hours playtime for mum and DS2. Whilst he fed from 6.50 - 8.10 (saints preserve us) I occupied myself watching a video of upstairs downstairs which my friend has lent me since she has the entire series and figures that should keep me going thru several weeks feeding! and sticking blu tac on the Christmas cards. After that feed, he has been handed over to DH for his bath, etc and his bottle of EBM shortly.
Amazing how people are happy to help when you come down off your high horse and stop trying to be the perfect mother isn't it?
I can't say I enjoyed sat feeding him for an hour and 20 mins, but at least I felt comfortable and occupied
The head pulling back is towards the end of the feed, he likes to twist too... Could it be as the milk is almost finished? Don't know about the thrush - he had it at a few days old so I have been using some nystatin on him again, but we have our PN check up on Wednesday (C'mas Eve, how bizarre is that?) so I shall have us both checked at the same time
Sorry, ridiculously long post, but am feeling so much more positive and so encouraged by these messages, I felt a whoosh to get it all out (Besides, if I don't look busy, DS1 or DH will want me for something and i am having far too good a time sat here by myself!!!)
Thanks everyone for your help, I'm going to keep at it but will give up to one formula a day and hopefully one EBM a day, to help me out! DH and DS1 appear to have really enjoyed being more involved so perhaps have been doing them a disservice? Will let you know if that "I Love Breastfeeding" feeling kicks in!
Thanks again

lisa - havent read all this thread but you sound really positive
breast pads...you mention them in your post - have you tried Maws breast pads - they are fantastic - far superior to any otheres that i treid
like always ultra for boobs....no more dampness!!
give them a go!

Hey Popsycal, am following you about! No, not tried Maws, but these lansinoh ones are fabulous! I don't seem to get any leaks - don't think the milk can make it through the inch layer of lansinoh cream - but all the others I tried drove me mad with that nasty edging irritating me, plus they were all so thick! These are huge but thin and I love them
Am becoming quite delirious with my successful day!

do try maws if you come across them...
they are thi, nicely shaped and amazingly comfortable and absorbent!!

thin even

If you insist! I shall keep an eye open and let you know if they beat my beloved Lansinoh! Must buy shares in the company

hello lisa78, you just sent me a message about my man boobs
you should not just look on feeding time as "feeding time" its the perfect excuse to put your favoutite cd on, tv show, prop up some pillows with your feet up, munchies and drink and relaaaax. The itching sounds like a stress thing so just try chill out. Also by relaxing your milk may come out faster which may speed up the feeding time - which also speeds up as they get older. as you read in my email i really enjoyed it, i loved watching her little cheeks going for it and feeling of my boobs emptying its almost relieving in a "dying to de a wee way". Breast feeding as you are probably sick of hearing now gets easier the longer you do it. At first I used to get so wound up and feel like I was wasting time, the whole time whist feeding I would be thinking about what I need to do next like cleaning, hoovering etc and I would be wishing her to hurry up. But after a while you learn that you cant hurry it so you just go with it - its a great excuse to relax. I used to be crap at relaxing and now I am a pro - I reckon I could lower my heart rate in seconds. I was always very aware of how I was feeling whilst nursing. I would look at my baby and smile before starting which rid any bad feelings I had. even if my dh was moaning at me from the other room I resisted shouting back and mastered the art of selective hearing. Where youa "busy, always on the go" kind of person before having a baby, you are probably finding it hard to wind down. Soon your baby will feed 4 times a day and thats a breeze.

Thanks Babymaker, thats it exactly - thinking about what I was going to do next etc and wishing he'll hurry up! I am a very "do 5 things at once and keep thinking one step ahead" kind of person, so it is hard to just sit there, especially not knowing how long he will take. But am trying to just chill - and only when I read what you had written did it occur to me that I hadn't itched nearly as much tonight!
Thanks, its really encouraging, I hope I come to enjoy it as much as you did.
And there is no such thing as man-boobs on a girly, only on fat blokes Don't beat yourself up!

Okay, I'm itching now - like watching a programme on fleas or hearing someone talking about nits!

Glad to be of help
I am a real hyper person and never sat still in fact I never relaxed. When I fell pregnant I joined Antenatal Yoga classes. I was normally used to running, cycling, fast aerobics and I could not beleive how slow and bloody boring the class was. I thought there was no way I could do all 90 minutes. But I made myself go once a week, when we where supposed to be breathing deeply i would be thinking about what I needed to get in for dinner that evening etc... OVer the weeks I gradually got into it and began to relax, th emore pregnant I got the more I enjoyed it. All the woman inc me would fall asleep farting out loud we where that relaxed which I found hilarious but all the serious faces around me stopped me from laughing. But I definitly think that a good bit of advice for any friend who is pregnant is to learn to relax. You will make your life so much easier. Pregnancy makes you slow down and a baby almost halts your life for a while but if you can relax and go with it you will be happy by fighting it causes problems and stress and whats the point in that when you have waited almost 40 weeks your little cutie, you want to enjoy every minute. but you are allowed to scream to de-stress... in the other room of course! not saying i was a 24hr relaxed smiley mother, i had tears screams too but thats allowed you've done well so far lisa, see how you go in a week or so and if it still gets you down then stop. theres no point in baby having a sad mummy.

I have had a weird itching sensation very occasionally during night feeds, and am convinced that it's because I'm willing dd to hurry up so I can go back to bed! It's really difficult to describe, but the only way I can put it is that its as if you feel that you need to be somewhere else, but you can't get there. I'm useless at explaining, but the only other times I've felt it are when stuck in theatre/cinema etc and can;t leave, but really really want to!!! It's as if I can't posssibly bear to stay in the same position, and my body if protesting!

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Thanks for advice re oily fish - I rather like mackerel and haven't had it in ages! Can't hurt can it!