9 weeks in...come and explain 'breastfeeding on demand'

[maldivemoment]

I'm so thrilled that I am managing to successfully breast feed my 9 week old bundle of joy! With first baby I ended up combination feeding so I'm currently feeling a little new to this whole 'on demand' business and I need your advice/words of wisdom. (And yes, I possibly should have got my head around this before now but I never thought I would make such a good job of breastfeeding!)

Baby feeds roughly every 2/3 hours but sometimes it can be much more frequent. I'm beginning to be asked "so, is baby going longer between feeds?" and feel a little insecure when my answer tends to be "eh, not really, no." Basically whenever she begins to get a little unsettled I feed her. Is this right? Should she be going longer between feeds?

Do I allow her to dictate the schedule of feeding or should I be more active in beginning a routine?

She still cluster feeds in the evening for about 3/4 hours and has been doing this since she was about 4 weeks old. Again, is this ok? If so, is there a rough timescale as to when this may settle down?

We co-sleep and sometimes she only goes 2 hours between feeds. I'm feeding lying down which is a god-send but just wondering if there's anything I can do which may encourage her to sleep a little longer during the night? (I would LOVE to get a 4 hour stretch of sleep!). When baby was 3 weeks old my Health Visitor told me she should be sleeping for a 4 hour stretch at time!!!! Made me feel very deflated! (I should add that her weight gain is brilliant!)

Thanks in advance if you reply - much appreciated!

All sounds fab to me ! I think you are doing exactly the right thing, and I wouldn't listen to any 'shoulds' about baby going longer between feeds. I have asked myself about cluster feeding and many people have said it calms down by 12 weeks, but others have said a little longer. My 12wo DS still clusters but it's not as intense and he is usually asleep by 9pm rather than 11 or 12. Not sure what your HV was on about - sounds like rubbish to me ! I have heard that a loose schedule can work with a baby who is gaining well, but don't do it myself, get the feeling it's best to let the baby decide when to feed.

Great advice from smk84 IMO. If you're finding the frequency and time spent on feeding is making difficulties for you then you could try getting into a 'loose' schedule as smk84 says but you should definitely not worry about what your HV or anyone else says as your baby is obviously doing really really well - and all your own work. :)

Sometimes I make sure I've offered both sides to LO (so it's more of a meal than a snack) but you can't force the baby to take more than it wants. Though you can do the tickling feet/blowing if he's falling asleep. There will also be times when the baby feeds more than usual (I can never remember when the growth spurts are, but I'm sure you've been through one by nine weeks!)
Please ignore what people say to you. I have a 14 week old and have lost count of how often I've been asked "is he good?" "is he sleeping through?" etc. Sounds like you're doing great!

Feeding whenever they are unsettled - NORMAL
2-3 hours between feeds - NORMAL
Clusterfeeding - NORMAL

Basically you are doing it all right!

4 hours at 3 weeks

feeding when unsettled sounds exactly as I'd describe it and DS2 is 18 weeks. if he's not falling asleep and not happy being put down somewhere (and is possibly dribbling on my shoulder) he gets fed.

i probably think about it even less this time as I'm busy with big brother.

i am viewed as a bit odd as nearly everyone i know is wondering about his routine or whether I'm trying to stretch time between feeds or get him to sleep all night. i do tell them that it's fairly random but i just get faces. :)

he did do a few weeks at 11 weeks ish with the odd 4 or 5 hour sleep, but i think we're in the 4 month growth spurt/ sleep regression so back to a bit random. I'm doing a bit of nervous co-sleeping if he's up and down.

personally I'm finding it less stressful to just go with it and not try to impose routine. I'm crossing my fingers that it'll all work out by itself over time like it did for DS1!

i think i may practise a response like "he's eating/sleeping etc fine thanks"...

oh yeah mine kind of flakes out at about 9 now as poster above mentioned.

to use that annoying word he's a bit more "settled" in the evening. if i wasn't so lazy i might try putting him to his bed instead of cuddling him till i go to bed.

My 11 month old has NEVER slept for four hours! I used to panic about it, now I just accept that he feeds every two hours round the clock and he is a brilliantly healthy, happy and delightful little boy. Stop worrying about what everyone else says or thinks and listen to your baby. The two of you will find the rhythm that suits her best and she will develop happily having her needs met.

Sounds like you are doing great! Well done!

I don't have much to add but I love this phrase. 'if in doute wip them out'

Well it would sound better if I could spell it.

Most reassuring thread ever!

Mine is 10 weeks. Exactly the same. I sometimes try to influence my time off by keeping a feed going longer than he seems to be demanding, or offering a feed when he isn't asking to see if I can stall him for a bit if I then want to have a quick bath without being interupted etc. But that is about it.

I never make him wait much just sometimes offer at times that are more convenient to me to hopefully reduce the feeds that aren't.

I'd sort of do that - like offering a feed before going out to shops or toddler group, even if he wasn't acting mega hungry just to be more efficient and hopefully not have to feed as soon as we arrive somewhere!

part of the convenience i reckon, you can offer them a feed without wasting anything.

Disclaimer I'm only a few weeks ahead of you so probably don't know what I'm talking about! But just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing it exactly right, the only thing I would add is when he's unsettled are you sure it's not that he's tired? It was at about 9 weeks that I started to understand that I was misreading a lot of my dd's crying as needing food when actually she was tired. She is a really poor daytime sleeper so wasn't just dropping off herself and needs a lot of help to take daytime naps and not get over tired. As has been said, it's totally normal for a 9 wo to be feeding every 2-3 hours, so I'm not suggesting it's not, but it might be worth paying a bit more attention to the sleep too. This has really helped us to get her down in the evenings too as she's not overtired and irritable at the end of the day.

All sounds completely normal!

Here's something you could give a try, if you like: when I am feeling massively run down, DH sleeps in the main bedroom with DS, and I go in the spare room, with DH waking me up for feeds. Now it's not guaranteed to work, but the couple of times we've done this, DS has gone a bit longer between feeds (early on, three hours instead of two, now four instead of three). I think it's because he can't smell my milk?

You are doing great Try and ignore your HV advice that doesn't sit comfortably with you, trust your instincts

I think blushingmare has a good point. If you need a longer stretch of sleep yourself (and I bloody would by 9 weeks!) then maybe you could do the cluster feed stretch of the evening and then go to bed by yourself, leaving the baby with your partner if you have one, or some other trusted person in the house, and you may find that if you are not there then the baby will not stir for much longer, or will stir a little and can be cuddled or rocked or shushed back to sleep. Then the person can bring you the baby when (s)he is genuinely hungry for the next feed at midnight or 1 am or something. (Get them to change the nappy too! Then you can just take the baby into bed, feed, and both sleep without you waking up properly).

PS sorry meant to say: what you are doing is obviously working very well for the baby, no worries there at all - so my post is about if it is not working so well for you now. I think it is reasonable to be doing things that work towards a medium-term tenable situation for you; don't think that your sleep or well being doesn't matter.

Well done!

Like a PP, my DS (now 19wo) did a fortnight at about 10wo of doing a 4hr stretch, at the start of the night usually 9-1. It was lovely but he promptly dropped it. Since then he's reverted to 2hourly, occasionally hourly, very occasionally worse...! What worked best for me tbh was just accepting it mentally. I don't expect anything more and its now somehow ok. Hopefully yours will sleep better than mine though!

that was me i think. :)

i do have the odd night where I'm thinking "not again, i just put you to bed" but the less i worry the better.

i have found that having him in beside me and feeding lying down for part of the night is resulting in more rest overall. it's a lot more comfy that falling asleep sitting up! if he's sound asleep i lift him back over to the cot as i am irrationally nervous about co sleeping.

he did have fussy evenings from about 5 to 11ish weeks. I'm sure with DS1 i just sat and cluster fed for ages with a glass of wine but DS2 cried a lot and i had to walk up and down with him and rock him before he would settle and feed. i had to put him in the sling some evenings before my arms gave up!

Hurrah for you and your baby! It sounds like you are doing it just right. Isn't it lovely? Try not to feel discouraged by your health visitors suggestions, or friends or relatives quizzing you about routines. What you are achieving is a finely tuned intuitive response to your baby's actual needs, what could be better? You are giving her something really special, validating her, and your connection by responding sensitively to her cues. Like Mushroomburger's DS, my daughter carried on waking to feed in the night fairly regularly for ages, but like you I feed lying down so it's OK. All my antenatal friends also co-sleep and BF on demand (still at it over 2 years on) and it has been a great support to share this journey with a supportive group of friends doing the same thing, and if you don't have such a peer group in RL, it's available here. Good luck!

I combination fed my first too, but only breastfed my second.

Dd1 fell into a routine easily and was going 4hrs and sleeping all night by 6 weeks. It was different with ebf dd2, she would only go around 2/3 hrs until she started solid food. If she was unsettled in any way I'd just feed her, I wasn't even sure if she was hungry most of the time! I think most bf mums do this, so I wouldn't be worried about trying to stretch her times out or anything. You may find as she's getting older, the feeds don't lessen but the time does, so she may only feed for 5 mins every couple of hours. Try offering both breasts and see if that works.

Clusterfeeding - settled down around 3/4 months ish, by 6 months she was going to bed about 7.30pm.

Night feeding - baby slept in with me til 8 months, as she would feed through the night every 3 hours. Got to be honest, it was gruelling, and if dd2 would have taken a bottle she would have been having one! Try going to sleep as soon as they pass out from clusterfeeding and get your dp/dh to take over when they do wake. Sometimes I would manage to express a good few oz and leave it with dp, but with her bottle issues you can imagine how that went. Maybe this is a possibility for you. Sympathies for the night waking and feeding, it doesn't last forever, although it feels like it. Dd2 stopped waking at 9 ish months after she was on a good amount of solids, so know how you feel!

Best of luck!

Young babies don't 'demand' - that's what stroppy three-year-olds do (or try to).

Young babies don't 'dictate' - that's what stroppy 13-year-olds do (or try to).

Young babies have needs which most parents naturally want to respond to, and meet, because they know their baby has no verbal way of communicating, and which reflect their physiological and biological development, and their emotional and cognitive development. This is the way babies grow, physically and in every other way.

Why is it important to your HV, or to random other people, that your baby goes 4 hrs (or whatever) between breastfeeds? Why is it (assumed to be) a Bad Thing if she doesn't? How strange - would they not think it a Bad Thing if an adult was told not to eat or drink anything sooner than 4 hrly?

Also - what on earth has it got to do with them? You and your baby are working brilliantly together.....how horrible for anyone to 'deflate' you :(

Thank you, girls, for all your kind words, good suggestions and words of encouragement! My little lady and I will just keep on doing what we're doing and be happy that we're doing it fairly well!

Tiktok - 'demand' and 'dictate'. Wrong choice of words perhaps but you get what I mean?

Thank you all.

Absolutely I get what you mean....was not having a go at you at all, but at the way these words are used all the time as the 'normal', standard way to describe feeding a baby according to his/her needs, and it was the idea I was challenging, not you :)