Failed with ds1 what can I do different?

[lollipoppi]

Please help me!
With DS I had always planned on BF, didn't see any problem with it, and thinking it was the most natural thing to do I would be fine!

I completely failed, after 2 days my nipples were ripped to shreds, it was like having pins stuck in my nips when feeding, I carried on through the tears, until MW saw them and advised to stop BF as they were bleeding and infected, I was gutted!

My question is, I am currently pregnant with number 2 and although I failed I would really like to try again, is there anything anybody would recommend this time around??

I have since had a horrible issue with my nipples (or dp touching them) the thought of it literally make me shudder! I need to get over this!!!

Any advise would be brill xxx

sorry to hear about your painful experience! I would suggest getting some help soon after the baby is born to make sure you s\he is latching on properly. As we know you never know whether you will get the right level of support on the day so perhaps try and find a lactation expert beforehand? Speak to your midwives now and get put in touch with the breast feeding friendly ones. I'm sure lots of the ladies here will have good advice for you. Good luck - and it always is a bit painful to begin with but your nipples soon become like leather!

Thanks Lou, I will speak to my midwife at my next appt, I have plenty of time to get some good advice as I'm 20 weeks but I just can't stop thinking about it, I would like to be as prepared as possible!!
If anybody knows of any nipple protectors or anything that might help let me know and I will stock up!!

I could deal with the pain... Just! But it was the bleeding and infection that I'm trying to avoid this time round!!!

Not only get help afterwards, get help before! You can attend breastfeeding baby groups whilst pregnant - we regularly have ladies come in to ours.

You can speak to women, watch them (I've had many new mums watch me with dd, even when she was newborn and I was learning ), and discuss the issues you had the last time. A good BF counsellor will be able to work through some of the problems you encountered and offer solutions and advice.

Make sure you have it clearly on your birth plan that you would like to BF, and that you will need support.

Ensure you have skin to skin with baby as soon as possible. If not possible, put on your birth plan that your DP/DH has skin to skin.

Also visit www.kellymom.com which is an excellent website full of advice for all the BF nasties that you don't hear about during pregnancy. But if you know about them now, you will be more prepared once baby arrives.

All the best OP

for a start you didn't fail.you need to lose that guilt trip thinking
a good mum isn't defined by mode of feeding,don't set up self for must bf or have failed
best wishes when baby arrives, ask for help you need and don't dwell on feeding.it's not be all end all

You didn't fail sweetheart, so first thing is to stop telling yourself that :)

Was your son ever checked for tongue tie?

Go along to your local breastfeeding group whilst you're still pregnant, and get to know the staff, so that if you do encounter any difficulties, you already know how things go.

Make sure you get help from midwives with your latch as soon as baby is born, and get them to support you as much as you need. There's no such thing as a stupid question, so ask all of them!

This is a really simple but helpful page on getting the latch right. And these breastfeeding videos cover everything you need to know.

I "failed" with DS1 too. I had a horrible delivery experience and was in a lot of pain for weeks afterwards. I also had bruised and bleeding nipples trying to feed him. I gave up after a couple of weeks of sobbing (me) cos I just couldn't take any more. :(

When pregnant with DS2 I asked for a c section, as I couldn't imagine going through it all again. They agreed 100%. I went to an NHS breastfeeding session so I had the basics in my head this time. I had my gorgeous DS2. Struggled with feeding for a couple of days. He latched on beautifully but then would just look at me as if he didn't know what to for next, bless him. Eventually, after a lot of patience and not much sleep, he got it. I fed him for 8 months, when HE decided solids were more worth the effort :) Oh and he was losing weight at 5 months despite all my efforts so we had to move him onto solids early. So breastfeeding isn't the answer to everything!

So, my point is, DS2 got the hang of it, DS1 didn't. It isn't all down to the mum doing it right or wrong. And with DS1, I was not physically or mentally strong enough to keep persevering and battling through the immense pain. I armed myself with info while pg with DS2, and this - combined with a physically and mentally happier me - meant i was able to keep trying. You do what you can, and if it doesn't work out how you hoped, you adapt the plan. But you haven't failed.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice, I really appreciate it.

I think a lot of it is guilt, we had skin to skin straight away and he did latch, but not properly, but the midwife passed me a siring rather than advising me, I know there are a lot of "I should have" thoughts going on!

I didn't realise that you could attend bf groups whilst pregnant so i will defiantly get booked in to one of those!!

And thank you for the website links they are great!! X