Extended breastfeeding, sleep and weaning

[DuelingFanjo]

Hi there

My Ds is 20 months old and I am still feeding him a lot. The last few nights he has been attached to me for what seems like most of the night and I am knackered. I have always subscribed to 'if the solution is harder than the problem then don't bother' kind of thing but the lack of sleep is really getting me down.

We co-sleep.

I wondered if anyone here had any advice for a shattered mum who would actually like to be able to have a night out once in a while and so needs to start thinking about weaning. Does moving a toddler into his own room make a difference to the amount of times they wake up? I have read about all the 'gentle' methods for weaning but when I have tried them they have always resulted in crying and me feeding to stop the crying.

Is this a phase, does something happen at 20 months? Can I ride it out?

help.

It might be worth looking into gentle night weaning. He's old enough to understand that milk goes to sleep or whatever. There is a book called something like "nursies when the sun shines" you can read with him.
DS1 night weaned at 16 mo, because I was pregnant and he was grazing from 3am-7 and I was shattered. I allowed him the 3am feed, but after that none, if he got too upset about me being there an not getting fed, DH took him to the spare room and co slept there, after about 4 nights he stopped bothering.
This might help www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/night-weaning-12-alternatives-all-night-nurser
I wouldn't suggest his own room, if he keeps co sleeping you can substitute nursing for cuddles and he still feels secure. DS1 started sleeping through about a month after night weaning, but at 22 mo we moved house and put him in his own room, he settled really well, but he started waking again. I think when we co slept he would wake, check I was there, then settle himself, in his own room he needed me or DH to go and help him settle.

Was going to put up the dr sears link too. Both of mine wanted nursing far less once they were in their own rooms, but I only bring them back into our bed if they are poorly.

Which methods have you tried dueling?

I've been doing this one although I've done it slower than what he has advised - Dr Jay Gordon

It depends how much you need the situation to change. My DP reached his end point (I probably would have carried on as we were) and it took me a few weeks to even start the weaning process (at night only)

I have noticed a massive difference already. She is waking but more in 4/5 hour blocks rather than 1/2 hour blocks. And I just give her LOTS of cuddles, kisses, reassure her, tell her "milky in the morning" or similar. I also offer water in a beaker. I like what what the blog says about crying - the baby is telling you they're angry, and it's ok for them to be, but they're not scared.

Search my username and I did do a small thread on my first week last month.

I hope you work something out.

thanks for the replies. I haven't really tried any methods but I have read a few, and started doing the Jay Gordon one but caved in almose immediately.
I guess I just have get a grip and do something though.

If its reached a point that it isn't working for you or OH then you can do something. But if it is more others 'telling' you to do something, ignore!

Ive had 'concerned' family members telling me to 'give a bottle' or 'let them cry it out' since she was 6 months old and kept on insisting I was making a rod for my own back. I only move DD in to her own room as I knew my DP's snoring was waking her up but still didn't move her until 9 months and put a double bed in her room for us to cosleep if we needed to!

You've got to be in it and determined to make it work to something realistic. I always said if she woke up once a night, I'd be happy - its whatever works for you.

Only 3 weeks of night weaning and DD slept from 11pm - 6.45am last night with one mumur and she managed to settle herself. Honestly it is possible if you want it to be

Good luck

There is 'the mother of all development transitions' at 18-21 months, which usually affects sleep. You can read about it here.

Of course, there's no harm in trying night weaning if you're desperate, but it is likely to be less successful than if you can wait till after this transition is over.

Children really vary in whether night weaning reduces waking (and that is often dependent on whether it's a good period developmentally). I've tried kind-of-night-weaning with DS at various points. Sometimes it's meant him waking less. Sometimes it's meant he's woken just as often but taken 30 mins to get back to sleep each time instead of 2 mins.

He's pretty much night weaned now at 2.8 y.o., though we still co-sleep, but he still wakes 1-4 times most nights.

When you say 'want to have a night out' do you mean you want to be able to go out without worrying about DD waking, or that you're just too tired to want to go out? DS has been a frequent night nurser all his life and DH has never dealt with night wakings. However, since 9 m.o. DS has been happy for DH to put him to bed if I were out, and deal with any evening wakings. A couple of months ago I had an unexpected overnight stay in hospital and DS didn't bat an eyelid at it being DH getting him back to sleep in the middle of the night (even though DH has never dealt with wakings then).

Thank you AngelDog, I will have a read. I do wonder if he's also teething because last night he was basically using me as a dummy all night. I don't want to go and withdraw the thing which gives him comfort if he really is in pain.

In all honesty I am not desparate to go out I just think it's about time I started accepting some nightime invitations but my worry is that DH can't settle him like I can with a boob. We're also going on holiday in a couple of weeks with family and I am worried that something may be said, thoug to be fair no one has so far.

AH! read the link now, definitely not worth doing sleep training now makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you.

Thanks for the links, really useful. I've been considering whether now is the time to night wean my 17mo as I'm exhausted! I can hold off for another 4 months though, i hope... what's 4 more months after the 17 I've just had? :)

No advice - but very similar situation with my 14mo DS.

I have always subscribed to 'if the solution is harder than the problem then don't bother' kind of thing

That is exactly my philosophy too

I think our plan is for me to sleep in another room for a few nights while DP finally does his fair share of the night wakings resettles DS when he wakes.

I'm constantly changing my mind though as to whether to go for it or not. He'll have a run of crap nights and I'll think Right! Now is the time! And then he'll have a few good ones (where he only wakes 3 times or so...) and I'll think that's it's not so bad and why put ourselves through it... bloody indecision. Not helpful!

The fact that he's only slept 5 consecutive hours 4 times in his life does get me down though, I am very tired! Last night was one of them though, and he only woke up once between 7.30 and 4am then decided to wake up for 45 mins playtime so I'm all back to calling off the intended start date for the night weaning - tomorrow night...

I can't believe how quick and painless our nightweaning (following Dr Jay Gordon's method) has been. I was exactly like you: why "fix" something when you are coping or managing ok?

DD slept through last night and the night before, and we only been gentle night weaning for 3 weeks. I was seriously dreading it but did psyc myself up as it reached a stage that DP or I could deal with. I thought it would be much much harder than it has been and I don't feel I've been cruel in any way, shape or form as she's had lots of cuddles in bed instead.

I hear you JeewizzJen sounds just like me. I keep telling people we're about to 'do something about it' but never do because he has the odd 'good' night where I might get 3-4 hours in a row! I am so used to broken sleep that even 3 hours seems like a bonus!

GodisaDj

I suppose what scares me is the phrase 'these will be hard nights'. I don't know if I will be able to just cuddle and hold my DS if he's angry and upset and crying.

How hard is it really?

We were co-sleeping until around 15mo when it's no longer working for DH and me. DD wanted to sleep sideways, and was examining our faces, putting her head on our faces, etc. Basically neither DH and me were sleeping much. We decided it was time to move her back into her cot. And that means the right time to night wean for us. Admittedly DD was down to only one feed during the night so it wasn't a massive step. What we did is the Dr Jay Jordon method posted by GoldisaDj upthread. I offered DD water, but she didn't want any. So I just cuddled her in bed when she woke for milk. She didn't put up any struggles at all. But I think your DS sounds like will put up a fight! After a week of no bf through the night, I moved DD into her own cot. And when she woke, I just verbally reassure her that I'm here and she needs to go to sleep. She slept through after 2-3 nights. If you are sure they aren't waking up for hunger, then I think it'll work if you persist! Good luck.

dueling I didn't find it hard personally but obviously each baby is different and Dr Gordon has probably experienced harder situations than mine.

DD has only slept through twice last week, so it hasn't been an "instant fix" of no waking ( last night was a particularly bad one "waking" but not screaming or crying for milk). she just wants her mum and I don't mind going in to her for that, I ended up sleeping in her room on the spare bed from 2am with her snuggle in to me.

I suppose it's how much you need or want it to change. I read about Dr Gordon's website a good 4 months ago and knew I had to psych myself up to prepare but it really wasn't bad at all, almost easy I would say.

Does you ds always feed to sleep? Inc naps? We had managed to come away from that and she would be put down awake during the day and at bedtime too. Perhaps you could work on that first and then think about night times once he's used to dropping off on his own during the day.

thanks for the reply. It's a bit of a mixture really. He feeds to sleep a lot but can also feed and then lie down awake, roll over and then sleep.

Because we co-sleep there is a lot of latching on in the night and last night I did try to shush him for about 5 seconds but he clearly wanted boob. He suckled for just a few seconds then unlatched and went straight back to sleep. If it was always like that I wouldn't mind but there are nights when I fall asleep with him on the breast and when I wake up he's still there! Maybe teething but it's quite hard sometimes.

I think if I do eventually do the Jay Gordon method I will need to wear a couple of tops to keep him off me.

I wrapped myself in the quilt cover up to my neck but have only done that the first two nights. She snuggled right next to me last night in to my chest and didn't try to latch/tug at my top like she does during the day

I hope you figure something out dueling :)