Bf and contact orders

[crackcrackcrak]

Sadly I need to ask this question. I am due to give birth in the next few months. Exp has now asked what my contact proposal will be for the new baby. We talk only through solicitors and have an order in place for dd.
I will be bf the new baby as I did with dd. Eco is aware of this and I presume supportive - he was with dd.
I have proposed up to an hour a week initially but building up over 12 months to the same contact dd has. I have already stated I will not express or ff as a means of extending contact. Dd wouldn't take a bottle of ebm, expressing was fecking hard work for me and I just feel if I offer this an an eventuality it will be exploited.

I have just has a google about bf and contact orders and looks like its not that clear cut at best and that bf isn't protected at the worst.

Exp used to be a raging lactivist but I can see that evaporating with a different agenda.

Any experience/knowledge? Tia

No knowledge but you should be fine as the courts do realise that a small baby needs to be with mummy, esp if breast feeding. I would stick to your guns, it isn't forever that you will be breast feeding and I think you are being very reasonable.

So sorry that you are going through a break up at what should be a happy time. It's hard isn't it. I broke up with my babies father two months ago (baby is nearly 6 months) and we are going down the court route now too.

I think your main issue will be the one hour a week you are proposing to start off tbh. Contact in the early days should be little and often and this is not often. Perhaps suggest one hour every few days to begin with, building quickly to two or three hours after a month or so.

As much as BFing is important, so is your new babies relationship with his dad. The other side of that is, as you know, the early days are bloody hard, and you won't have ex to rely on as you did to give you a break with DD. You may well welcome the opportunity to get a couple of hours break here and there, which you can certainly get if contact is a few hours two or three times a week.......

I suppose I could do the one hour during the weekday contact dd has but I can't offer more than an hour because of the feeding. Dd didn't go 3 hours with out a feed until the weaning stage!

I split with my ex-P when DS3 was 4mo, ebf and unable to drink from a bottle due to a severe upper lip tie. I was advised by the solicitor I consulted that 'acceptable' access in these circumstances is 4 hours a day, twice a week, and 6 hours with me present once a fortnight. If at all possible, with me present.

I ended up having my ex-P come to my house two evenings a week to see DS3. I stopped bf 6 months ago, when DS3 was 12mo, but now my ex-P is unwilling to change the current access arrangements. Apart from grudgingly accepting having one overnight every 8 weeks, and taking him out for 5-6 hours twice a fortnight. Despite having DS2 overnight every other weekend.

I have told him that this will only be acceptable until DS3 turns two, then alternative arrangements will have to be made. He is unhappy about that. I can see a battle forthcoming - DS3 is now 19mo, and nothing has yet changed. I want my life back!

I've had this issue happen twice before different District Judges and in different courts. On both times they were not prepared to stop the mum bf BUT the contact was for more than an hour.

I'm struggling to recall the exact pattern but it was something like several 1 hour visits to begin with, then 2 hours, then 3 hours.

It will all depend on you, him and the baby tbh and there is only so much advance planning you can do.

Have you tried mediation?

Oh, and after 6mo, courts seem to take a dim view of ebf if it is limiting contact IME.

They seem to expect you to express. Which wouldn't have been a problem with my older 3 DC's, but just didn't happen with DS3 - I could sit there for an hour and be lucky to get 1oz.

It is a shit situation to be in, and the courts don't seem to see bf as important after 6mo - the health benefits of bf are not outweighed by the emotional benefits of access with their father, in their eyes.

I DO think that 1hr a week is too little though.

I think, like me, your best bet is to grit your teeth, and invite your ex to your house (unless DV is involved), 2-3 times a week, for a few hours at a time, as hard as that makes it to move on, it really IS the best thing for the baby.

Ex isnt allowed to my house. I have a thread elsewhere explaining. He is not allowed to contact me or approach me and yes dv. I am asking initial contact to be supervised - because a dcreibg baby can't wait for a handover.
I don't know to be fair how much exp will object to my proposal but I wanted to see how the courts view things with bf. not expressing didn't work with dd not putting myself through the stress.
The contact schedule above would be completely undead able for me