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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is their a link between breastfeeding and how well you have bonded with baby?

18 replies

sherbetpips · 24/08/2012 14:01

I have a lot of friends with newborns at the moment all with differing degrees of success with breastfeeding and/or with pnd.
I didnt bond with my son until he was at least 12 months old and when I see succesful breastfeeding mothers they all seem to have a very close bond with their babies, I have friends who can literally just sit and stare at them in wonderment (I never felt that, couldnt wait to get away from him at the time).

So is a strong bond an aid to breastfeeding or do we have mums out there who did not bond but fed succesfully despite this?

OP posts:
emsyj · 24/08/2012 14:06

I had a crash section after going into labour at 37 weeks. I found it very hard to recognise DD as 'mine' (possibly because I was obviously unconscious when she came out and so didn't see her for the first night of her life) and didn't get any rush of love. I would say I didn't really love her properly for a very long time - maybe 10 months? Maybe more. It's hard to remember. I exclusively bf for 6 months, then continued alongside introducing solids til she was 12 months. I don't think the bf helped the bonding, that was just the passage of time doing its work IMO. If anything, the fact that she wouldn't take a bottle and so I couldn't get a break was something I found really hard and that I grew quite resentful about.

suedpantsoffem · 24/08/2012 14:14

Absolutely no link whatsover! I had a dreadful time trying to breastfeed DD1 - finally found out that it hurt so much because I had an abcess, and ended up having to have an op when DD was about 10 weeks to have it removed. Until then I cried everytime the baby needed feeding, and really thought there was something wrong with me and really didn't like the baby at all. The minute I gave up on the breast feeding DD and I went from strength to strength -that was when the bonding really started.
I intended to bf DD2 right up to the minute she was born, but when the midwife handed her to me for a feed, I just couldn't do it (becuase of all the problems first time round) - so she was never bf. I bonded with her straight away.

NotInMyDay · 24/08/2012 14:18

I have ff one child and bf the other. My bond was not stronger with either child. It was, however, different but I don't think it had a thing to do with how I fed them. I felt more physically tied to the bf child but not emotionally closer.

ReallyTired · 24/08/2012 14:27

sherbetpips,
Postnatal depresion can happen to anyone and breastfeeding does not offer magic protection against post natal depression. I also think its a very damaging myth that women with post natal depression don't bond with their babies.

I think that postnatal depression is caused by chemistry of the brain, amount / lack of family support, life circumstances rather than parenting choices.

I believe that the rate of postnatal depression in the same in the third world as the UK. However different cultures have different triggers. In some cultures everyone breastfeeds and depression is caused by having a baby girl instead of a boy or prehaps severe birth injuries.

thisisyesterday · 24/08/2012 14:33

i think if you're going to get PND then you are going to get PND.
oviously there are things that can help with it, and things that can exacerbate it.

some mothers report that guilt of not breastfeeding makes it worse
others find that the stress and pressure to breastfeed makes it worse

some find that bottle-feeding gives them time out and less pressure which can help
others find that the extra work from bottle feeding, plus maybe feeling that they wanted to breastfeed and couldn't, makes it worse

I don't think there is an answer to this one. from a purely technical viewpoint breastfeeding produces nice hormones which should make you feel better... but I think if you're suffering badly frm PND that isn't going to make a massive difference.

a lot comes down to support to. a woman who is depressed, maybe struggling with breastfeeding is potentially going to feel worse about it than one who although struggling is getting support with it and can see that it can work?

suedpantsoffem · 24/08/2012 14:33

I didn't have post natal depression - I was just in a lot of pain everytime I tried to feed DD! The minute I put her on the bottle everything was fine (apart from having to have the op).

fhdl34 · 24/08/2012 22:03

My mum had 5 children, we were all BF but my DB (her last) lost a lot of weight and she gave up BFing him at 6 weeks and went onto formula. She says that her bond wasn't as strong with him and she puts it down to this but really because there were a lot of other people to give him his bottle so she wasn't doing every feed and not spending as much time with him.

exoticfruits · 24/08/2012 22:18

No-I bonded immediately. I breastfed-and believe it to be best- but it is a way of feeding your baby-nothing more. Someone is far more likely to bond if they are relaxed and happy. Don't use it as a thing to feel guilty about.

Softlysoftly · 24/08/2012 22:25

I failed tobf DD1 and got PND but was always massively bonded to her throughout.

DD2 I am bf I loved her straight away but at 12wks am just starting to know her and not see bf as a chore. I used to sing to dd1 when I gave a bottle haven't done that for dd2, less energy perhaps?

So I agree with pp more physically attached to bf baby but emotionally I think the bond will end up being identical.

LittleWaveyLines · 24/08/2012 22:27

I think bonding has a lot to do with how you feed your baby - by that I mean how well you interact while feeding them - could be bottle or breast.

For example a friend has an extremely strong bond with her FF son, she exclusively fed him until about 5 months (apart from one night a week when her DP took over) and held him close and looked at him when she fed him.

I however had a lot of pain BFing DD (undiagnosed tongue tie) so tended to distract myself by being on here a lot, or reading, and didn't interact. I felt I didn't really bond with her until she was about 7 months :(

Original poster
sherbetpips · 27/08/2012 20:32

Thanks everyone for the responses

OP posts:
blacktreaclecat · 27/08/2012 21:18

Ff from birth, feel very bonded. Spend a lot of time staring at him, cuddling, holding and he sleeps on me daily. I just adore my gorgeous boy. I feed him 90% of the time, DH does one feed a day (more at weekends. ) My mum has fed him a few times. I try to look at and talk softly to him while he has his bottle. I love it when he holds my fingers while i feed him.
I don't think bf him could possibly have made me more bonded to him

londonmackem · 27/08/2012 21:52

I have breasted both. To me it was not a bonding experience just an efficient way of feeding. My dd always fed with her eyes shut so I felt we bonded better through cuddles, ds does have his eyes open but is more interested in the world than bonding with me!

pommedechocolat · 27/08/2012 21:56

Bf dd1 for 6/8 weeks ish. Did all the staring at the baby thing at her, loved going into her in the am, all great. She slept through from 14 weeks.

Dd2 ebf and still going at 6 months. Won't sleep. Get angry with her in the night. No sense of excitement in am as havent bloody had time to miss her.

A sleeping baby helps the bond Grin

Bf or ff no difference in my opinion except that ff babies sleep better.

feekerry · 27/08/2012 22:05

Re the above, all the ff babies I know sleep worse and less than the bf babies I know. Mine included so dont think you can generalise like that. Think there is a study that shows bf babies on average sleep 20 mins longer than ff babies. Anyways, re the op post, I had a emcs and felt I bit distant afterwards but was able to bf straight away and I think that helped us bond. However never ff so could have been the same either way!

StealthPolarBear · 27/08/2012 22:15

While I think they're linked I don't think its as simple as breastfeeding is bonding. The majority of mothers have a strong bond with their babies and if they don't bf or not may be a factor. Did you bf your baby - can't tell from your op?

5madthings · 27/08/2012 22:30

ime no, feeding didnt make a difference, i was very lucky with my 5 that i did just fall in love with them at birth, it doesnt happen to everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. your love grows for your baby as they grow i think and as their personality emerges etc. its very different for everyone and NOT something to beat yourself up about :)

and ff made no difference to sleeping in my case, 3 totally bfed, two moved onto formula at 3-4mths.

LST · 28/08/2012 06:44

I bf for just over a week before switching to ff. I bonded well with DS.

I don't know if it matters. My mum says she bonded with both me and DB and she ff us both from birth.

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