After 11 weeks of misery breastfeeding a tongue tied baby I'm finally throwing in the towel. Sad that breastfeeding has been such a horrible experience.

[SilverSage]

DD had a tight posterior tongue tie diagnosed and snipped at 5 weeks. We then had to have it snipped again at 8 weeks, and feeding has never improved. Still painful, and still getting damage to my nipples despite using nipple shields. I'm starting to wonder if she also has an upper lip tie, but I really don't think I can bear to put her (or me) through the trauma of having any more snips. Today I've just had enough, and have decided to put away my nipple shields for the last time. I have absolutely no problem with formula feeding, but I feel let down that we didn't receive the help and support that we needed, and sad that breastfeeding was such a horrible experience for me.

I'm so sorry you've had a rubbish time, but feel proud of those 11 weeks and enjoy your (I'm sure completely wonderful) DD.

Oh SilverSage, that's such a shame (that you feel let down).

I had a horrible first 10 weeks feeding DD - LOTS of bleeding and cracking, couldn't let clothes brush against my nips for the pain and generally really struggled to begin with. Eventually, at about 10 weeks ish, I tried biological nurturing and tried to do without the nipple shields I had been using since about week 4 and managed to find a way that worked better. DD didn't have tongue tie as far as I know but did have a very little "rosebud" mouth that I think made it difficult until she got a bit bigger. Once I'd eventually managed to break through that barrier, things got a lot better and easier and I'm still feeding DD now - she's nearly 2! If you can bear to let her near your nips again, even alongside formula feeding, you might get to a point where it all falls into place and becomes pain free and enjoyable. If stopping is the right thing for you though, you should be really proud you perservered for so long with so many difficulties. I know how horrendous it can be letting the little vampires darlings latch on when you're already suffering from damage previously caused.

Sorry to hear you have had such a bad experience. Just in case you change your mind, you should know that there is a fantastic support group for tongue tie on facebook.

Well done for trying, and congrats on your baby!

Thanks mawbroon. I've been a member of the Facebook support group since we had the 2nd snip.

You stuck it out for 11 weeks and only gave up because the pain was intolerable?

You have nothing to feel bad about. Your baby has a complicated tongue tie and no amount of breast feeding support can make her latch on if she physically can't.

My ds had a tongue tie for just a week before it was snipped and that week was almost unbearable so you deserve congratulations.

Well done for feeding your baby for 11 weeks against all the odds. That's a wonderful achievement.

And I wouldn't say you 'tried' I'd say you did it (sorry purple, just a bugbear of mine!)

Know EXACTLY how you feel. We had a pretty-much identical experience with DS. You have absolutely nothing, NOTHING to feel bad about at all. You have battled through sheer pain (if your experience was anything like mine) for 11 long weeks. How many feeds is that?! Like you, we had no support via the NHS, no family around and even the private Lactation consultant we hired gave up on us a bit in the end ..."maybe you could try having a rebirth experience - I'm sure there's a video about it on the Internet somewhere" ... Riiiiiight, like I'm going to fiddle around with something that important with the knowledge gained from a YouTube clip... Anyway...

Hope I'm not being irritating - have you thought about expressing? That worked for me - could keep up the nutritional benefits of BF, but not go through the pain. Just a thought.

Good point, whenyouseeit. OP, you have fed for longer than several mums I know, my wording was bad - well done!

Well done DS had a tongue tie and I managed 10 days so you have done amazingly well.

You poor thing, I sympathise entirely

I had something very similar with my first and still occasionally get that angry at being let down feeling 3 1/2 years later. You have done heroically well and should feel very proud. Don't worry if the first few days of bottles feels like failure, this will pass I promise and you'll look back and feel jolly pleased with what you achieved. I don't know if this is your first and/or whether you plan any more children but I had another baby 18 months after my DS and it was a completely different experience. Made me even more amazed that I'd managed to struggle on so long with DS.

Give yourself a big pat on the back and make sure you cut back gradually and do not go cold turkey. With that level of nipple damage there's a good chance there's a bit of infection there, so don't get over engorged and end up with mastitis and/or an abscess. Take care of yourself and enjoy your baby.

Thanks Redrover. The only reason I've lasted this long is because I've been doing lots of expressing, and bottle feeding for 50% of feeds. My nipples wouldn't have been able to take it otherwise! I'm planning on expressing until she's 12 weeks, then knocking that on the head too, as I hate it, and it makes my nipples go purple!

well done you have done an amazing job! I made it to five weeks and it was making me feel so depressed I had to stop. Very little help from the start and midwives who told me my dd was just lazy. :-( I think she had a small mouth and my nipples too big but they said I was being silly. Tongue tie snipped but didn't help. Last midwife sat with me for half an hour trying to help then said have you got any bottles. Had an Nct councilors help, she was lovely but lived far away so couldn't keep asking her to come out. Dd is 2 months and still feel like I could have done more. But dd is an amazing little baby, I feel better as she is happy and healthy and smiles every day!

Thank you for all the lovely messages ladies. I think it's going to take me a while to come to terms with this. While my rational mind knows that I'm not, I can't help feeling like a failure.

11 weeks is fantastic and she'll have gained so much from that. I'm so sorry that you haven't received the support you should have but I'm in awe that you managed to carry on while you were in such pain. Very best to you x

Silversage, you are absolutly not a failure and the only people that should feel bad about this are those that did not provide the help and support you needed. Anyone who has fed a tt baby knows the sheer hell it is. Dont be too hard on yourself.

7 years ago i was on here writing a pretty much identical post! although i didn't realise then that DS1 was tongue-tied, not until after we gave up.

you've done brilliantly, you've given your DD the best possible start in life and you've done so despite the cost to yourself. I know how agonisingly painful feeding a TT baby is and I think you've done really well to get so far.

it's sad when you come to the point where you can do it no longer, but you know when is the right time to stop.

Until you've fed a tt baby you don't know pain! You have done so well i had a similar experience with my dd, didn't make it past 3 weeks, so you have done amazingly! I ended up exclusively pumping until she was 12 weeks which was so hard and took so much time I should have had enjoying her. So, pat yourself on the back, dry your eyes and enjoy your baby. My dd was ff from then and she's thrived. I've recently had a DS and I've had different issues with his feeding but when he latched after 15 mins of being born the midwifed cane rushing in simply because they kept hearing me tell she "it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt" and wondered what was wrong!! It is so different, I don't curl my toes when I feed and just never believed it was possible. Sometimes it works and sometimes you just have to do what works for both of you. Enjoy your daughter.