heeeelp....

[chestnut100]

I'm desperate for some advice. My 4 mth old is exclusively breast fed. for various reasons, I absolutely need him to take an occasional bottle. We have been trying for a few weeks and its simply not happening. We have tried giving him expressed milk, different formulas, different bottles and teats, milk warm or room temp, snuggled up, sitting in his chair, when hes v hungry, when he's not, by different people, in a cup...the list goes on. My hv suggested getting out of the house and waiting till he was so hungry he would take it... 12 hours later he hadnt had a drop and my husband was climbing the walls. it was really distressing and i simply cant do it ever again. But the fact remains i need him to do it.

I am starting to feel very emotional and distressed by it all. I feel like crying each time i feed him as I know I have this problem that I need to solve, and simply arent. I am really starting to regret breast feeding at all.

To make matters worse, he woke routinely every 1.5 hours in the night last night. H hasnt slept longer than 3 hours since he was born and i frankly feel like locking myself in a room and crying myself to sleep. To top it all off, my lovely little toddler is getting the grumpy version of me and i hate it!

Any suggestions grately received

Oh no :( do you mind if I ask why? Is there absolutely no way round it?

And how soon? In another 2 m hell be sitting, eating and could be a different baby

Oh you poor thing chestnut.

Ok why the bottles/expressed milk and how soon? Also, how long will you be leaving him for?

It sounds like you are all getting very worked up about it. If you can, give yourselves a break from it. The more anxiety you create the less likely he is to talk it.

I'm sorry about the sleep, I wish someone could fix that for you. Unfortunately babies are all different and while some sleep, some don't. I've had both and I really do understand the sheer hell that is severe sleep deprivation. I really, really do. I can only promise you that it will change, I cna't tell you when but it will.

As SPB has said he will be a different baby soon. He will soon be more active, he will start to take solids and with that will come the idea that food comes from different sources and he will become more used to different feel in his mouth and different ways of eating and drinking and he may begin to take expressed milk. He may not but then once he is happy eating solids and perhaps drinking water from a cup he will be ok to be left for a while.

From a personal point of view. Child number 1 never took a drop of expressed milk so we had to work around it and have someone bring him to uni for me so I could feed around lectures and exams. From 9 months though he was in nursery full time and he was perfectly happy eating and drinking water and bf at home.

Number 2 child took formula from a bottle. It took some effort but having been through the mill trying different bottles etc with number 1 I just got a bottle and every day at the same time, just after her nap when she was at her most chilled out and still a bit sleepy I gave her the bottle. The second that she started to fuss I took it away and offered breast so there was absolutely no stress or upset for her. After a while she started taking an oz or 2 at a time. Once I knew she would take that small amount I knew she wouldn't dehydrate or starve so I left her with dh for a full day training I had. She didn't take much at all during the day, just the odd oz or 2 here and there but she was settled and she just bf lots when I got back so it did work.

thanks ladies, its a little complicated and i really cant face going into the details here, however in another 3 weeks, i will have to be away from him for 24 hours.

More selfishly, in a few weeks my best friend is over from Dubai for a special birthday. Shes only here for a v short time, so all my old uni friends are getting together in London for a bit of a shindig. If I cant go, I miss out on seeing her. I feel incredibly resentful that I am going to miss out. It sounds awful but I do. I love my kids but I really need a break. I cant remember the last time i relaxed and had fun, ate a meal without jiggling a baby on my knee. I feel so fed up (i know, rather self indulgent!)

Oh I know that feeling. I had such a shit time with dd that I missed a couple of hen dos and then didn't even get invited to one from the same group of friends. I suppose the figured I wouldn't be able to go :(.

Ok well 3 weeks. That is a decent length of time. First up I would strongly suggest you all take a week off. During the week you could express once or twice a day so you have all the milk you need in the freezer for the 24 hours but don't give him a bottle, just try to remove the stress for a while.

Then just go gently. Perhaps do as I wrote above about picking a time a day that you know he is always really hungry and offer it but stop at the first sign of stress. I know a lot of people say that it is best for dads/friend/someone who isn't you all smelling of milk to try but I found dh's problem was that he didn't recognise little feeding cues so would be trying to stuff a bottle into a baby who just wasn't hungry!

I'd also suggest finding some RL support to try. Call your HV team and ask if there is a bf specialist you can talk to or look up to see if you have an NCT or La Leche league leader in your area to talk to.

Is it a medical situation? If so then the hospital will be able to support you to feed your abby until the last possible minute and as soon as possible after proceedure. If they say no then you fight and stamp your feed until they bend over backwards. You could ask to talk to the bf specialist MW as you may be able to feed sooner than you think. I know that paragraph is no good if it isn't medical but I thought I'd put it in anyway.

No justification for wantijng to have fun needed :o just that if its more stress than its worth then there may be another option.
However the 24h one is I assume not moveable.
Sure you'll have tried but have you tried giving him a bottle and cup at different times of day - when he's sleepy, when he's wide awake etc?