Does weaning an older child cause mood swings/ unusual behaviour?

[Gilberte]

Forgive me if I introduce several issues/ questions as this is quite a complicated situation.

I'm currently weaning my 4.5 year old and 18 month old and am wondering if what I'm experiencing is a normal side effect of that.

I was planning to let DD1 self-wean but she reached 4 without showing any signs of weaning and was feedind morning and night and often several times in the day when her sister fed.

My decision to encourage DD1 and her sister to wean coincided with a virus she had. She was eating very little and when she asked for the breast I offered it but she said it tasted funny. I put it down to the illness as other foods didn't appeal to her either (at the time I hadn't fed for about 48 hrs). Since then she has barely asked and seems to have weaned. She did ask today but when I asked if there was any milk coming out she said No.

I didn't think it was possible for my milk to dry up so quickly to be honest but when she was latched on iut did feel as if there was nothing flowing ( no gulping, no sensation of let-down after not feeding for a while).

Anyway for the last couple of days DD1 has been very tearful/emotional and her attention seeking antics/pushing/shoving/ squashing of her sister seem to have increased beyond what is normal. (There's a lot of sibling jealousy at the best of times).

She has also not wanted to go out with DH or when she has she has expressed anxiety that I might have run away while she was out. When my 18mth has asked to nurse, she has asked me not to feed her. As I said I am trying to wean the 18mth old as well but as I'm trying to do "don't offer don't refuse" and distraction, I've had to feed a couple of times. DD1 was always invited to join in but again said the milk tasted funny or that there was no milk.

I'd really like to know whether any of you weaning a toddler or older child experienced a change of behaviour in the early days. I'm not sure if what I'm seeing is down to the weaning or down to the post viral slump.

I do have another question but will save that for another post so that this doesn't become an essay.

Any thoughts/experiences appreciated.

I've just seen this - I replied on your other thread and asked for clarification

If you have gone from nursing many, many times a day with two nurslings to not bfing one at all and trying not to bf the other, you may be on the road to mastitis which can make milk taste salty as can 'involution' the process of switching off the milk making cells until the next pg (also pg can make milk change taste or be salty - a possibility to consider?).

Another thing to consider is DD1 may be under going growth in her jaw to accommodate her 1st adult molars - this change in the shape of the jaw can make bfing/latching on rather difficult if not impossible. DD1 self-weaned due to being unable to latch on any longer (her tongue just couldn't go in the right place or perform the same movement ) as did DD2 though she clung on much longer (4y 8m vs. 3y 6m). I think DD2 kept going longer as she needed to bf so much due to pain levels and then as she was better she bf so infrequently for so long I didn't notice her latch slipping away from her.

DD1 was pretty fine with her weaning even though DD3 was born a month after she weaned (she was always nagging and reminding me to feed DD3 even though I was on my way to pick her up/unclip my bra!). DD2 on the other hand has been morose, lethargic, constantly unhappy, on the edge of tears all the time and just plain sad - it may be a flare of her previous ill health but I am not sure.

Mine weren't quite this old when weaning (3.2yr) but they weaned and had no significant behaviour change.

But all mine act like that when poorly/tired/hungry. Squabling, fighting wiht siblings, clingy, slightly irrational about wierd stuff.

I'd say post viral, but each child reacts differently.

Thanks to you both for your responses.

Yes I did worry about mastitis(definately not pregnant) I hadn't wanted to go cold turkey for that reason,it just so happened that I decided to night wean by letting my partner take over night duties one night, then went out to work the following day and as neither DC asked when I got in, we went 48 hrs without trying. I was engorged for a couple of days and hand expressed but now don't have any discomfort.

I do remember having a blocked duct once and DD1 saying my milk tasted salty. This time she said it had gone off and tasted like banana (sounds nice to me) and today she said there was nothing.

I think the mood swings may be post-viral as she was very tired but I am sensing some anxiety/sadness about our relationship too and she may be picking up on my sadness at coming to the end of the road with breastfeeding. DD1 will also have heard DP and myself disagreeing about how to wean (He was pro cold turkey, I wanted a more gradual approach) and she may well be feeling insecure. We did try to discuss this out of earshot but situations did arise where we ended up having to justify why we were doing something when we were doing something.

I should imagine things will settle down soon (DP and I are now singing from same songsheet having had advice from HV)

If you think she is anxious due to weaning (as well as the virus) try upping the cuddles, squish up on the sofa together and watch her favourite film/programme, read a book together, go for a walk and hold hands, etc - let her know that she's not rejected or alone, that milk or no milk you are still her mummy and see if that helps to ease her anxiety.

Did you talk to DD1 about what would happen when she was weaned? I found with DD1 it was a bit of a surprise so we have been continually mentioning it to the DCs over the years (just when it came up in conversation not deliberately starting conversations on it!) and telling DD2 & DD3 that this would happen to them too - they wouldn't want to nurse or wouldn't be able to nurse any more and this would be a good thing for them, that it was fine to grow up a little bit more and that mummy would love them whether or not they had Bah. It helped DD1 too as she likes to remember having Bah and she does like to see her sister(s) nursing as she loved it so much she is obviously getting a vicarious kick from it

Yes we did talk about it for a long time. She told me she was going to give up when she was 4, then when I'd bought her school uniform, then when DD2 weaned.

I've tried to have lots of 1:1 special time with her and that has been great. It's been difficult when DD2 has been around but to be honest I've had difficulties with the two of them since DD2 was born as DD1 and I are so close and we are both so intense. We had lots of anxiety in the earlier days after DD2 was born when DD1 wouldn't leave me in the house with the baby to go out with DP and family etc. That had got a lot better but I think it's just the nature of our very complicated relationship.

I'm off to bed now but just wanted to thank you so much for your advice and thoughts.

It is absolutely amazing to hear you have tandem fed almost constantly for over 6 years and that you'll soon be doing it again.

I've noting to add to this thread except I'm gobsmacked that you're still feeding a 4.5 yr old! How do you get into that position? I'm sorry I think it's wholly inappropriate - shout at me all you like as I'm sure you're all going to!

I'm not going to shout.

I never expected to be feeding a 4.5 yr old. I didn't grab a 4yr old child and shove them on my breast. I'm just feeding a child a day older than she was yesterday. I'm doing it at home in private- not interfering with anyone else.

Do you know that there is (thankfully) a lot of help out there for people wanting to breastfeeding but once you are up and running, not many people interested in helping you to wean. Stupidly perhaps I assumed babies just lost interest and gave up. Mine didn't and you know what it didn't bother me. I wasn't forcing her to feed (in fact as any long term breastfeeder will say it's often annoying, uncomfortable, boring etc etc and you're willing them to give up at times).

Sometimes my daughter likes to ride in the pushchair when she's tired. Often she wants to be carried. Is this inappropriate too?

Boggler Tell me how you weaned your children. No one and no book has ever been able to tell me how to do it.

Having BF a child past 7 I can assure you that it's a total myth that adult teeth cause any problem what so ever.

Had I tried to wean DD2 before she choose to (and even then she had to be gently pushed) she would have been horrible.

Mind you DD2 can be horrible anyway. She is also adorable, but much more highly strung than her laid back big sister.

And Boggler I really don't want to fall out as you are an older mother like me and to be honest you might find some people disapproving of you and I'd like to think I'd be sisterly and support you in your decisions.

StarBall - that's really interesting that your DD didn't find adult teeth a problem, both DD1 & DD2 really did to the point that they just couldn't bf any more (and in DD2's case no matter how much she tried she just couldn't latch on any more and she did try over quite a few weeks so it wasn't a 'glitch' or lack of interest). Both of their not being able to latch coincided with the appearance of gum space at the back of the jaw and in DD2's case bulging gums at the back of her jaw.

I'm just feeding a child a day older than she was yesterday

I'm so using that next time I get the raised eyebrows response to me still bfing my 2.8 yr old.

Gilberte - when ds1 was that age, I had all sorts of attempts at cutting down, all of which resulted in a change in his behaviour. I concluded that he just wasn't ready.

As an aside, we didn't have any bother with adult teeth coming in either.

All I know is BFing was important to DD2 and at each stage of growing up she found a way of carrying on.

It gave her security and the ultimate conformation of being loved. With this she could face the world. And the world sees what she wants them to, a socially adept, confident, friendly and very clever young lady.

I must have weird children then! (Tell me something I don't already know )

No truth they are just all different

DD1 hated BFing with just as much determination as DD2 loved it.

Is outwardly fussy dizzy and socially inept and yet inwardly has a steely confidence way way beyond her years.

No magic wand I just stopped totally when ds was 1 and gave him his milk in a feeder cup, he didn't like it at first but when he realised that was it he used the cup. Took about 2-3 days in total to get him 100% used to it. I find the idea of bf a toddler/child just as abhorrent as seeing a toddler/child drinking from a bottle totally unnecessary and socially not good for the children to be babied. But that's just my opinion.

Boggler I originally thought extended breastfeeding was bizarre. I saw a mother at a baby cafe who told me she was feeding her three children. When three toddlers walked in, I couldn't believe my eyes.

I think I just assumed that DD1 would wean herself when she reached one as that had happened to the only friend I had with a baby. Then I thought I would go on until 2, unless DD1 weaned earlier as I'd heard 2 yrs was supported by WHO.

Then I discovered from reading around the subject that a 2yr old would not be easy to wean and I did wonder if I'd made a big mistake. Then I read about how common extended breastfeeding is world wide and I thought well DD is such a fussy eater and doesn't drink anything and it seemed to provide her with a lot of comfort (she never took to a dummy or had a blanket or special toy she took everywhere).

Now I know there are a lot of people in this country that do practise child led-weaning- it's not as rare as you might think.

I really don't believe it's the breastfeeding that has babied her. DD1 loves pretending to be a baby anyway as does her weaned at 12months neighbour. A lot of it is tied up with sibling issues in her case.

In my mind (and I accept your opinion is diametrically opposed) we rush our children into independence too early. It won't be long before she wants to dress totally inappropriately and plaster make-up on because of what she's seen in the media, so I'm happy for her to be dependent on me a while longer.

She has no problems at pre-school and is very fiesty and bossy at home so I don't think I've made her too socially inept.