Nightwean breastfed 12 month old or not?

[GodisaDj]

12 month old DD is waking up to 5 times a night, 2-3 of these for milk. Rough times: bed around 6.30-7.30, wakes: 10pm feed, 12.30am feed, 3am cuddle, sometimes again around 4-5am other times sleeps till 7am.

We part-co sleep during the worse nights (bed in her room).

DP has discussed night weaning with me this morning as last night was just ridiculous and I think he's worried about me burning out.

I just don't know what to do as one part of me thinks she needs milk or comfort at night, the other part of me thinks she eats plenty during the day and has milk during the day (work part time from home do available to nurse) so it's more out of habit.

Is it too early to night wean at 12 months?

Any experiences good/bad? Did you regret it?

If I stop nursing during the night, could she stop nursing altogether?

She is happy and content during the day, putting on weight and generally brilliant (unless teething). Night times are now a nightmare and I need MN help!!

Bump

We were in the same situation as you until recently. Our DD is 14 months old and was waking 3 times or so in the night (we cosleep). I was intending to let her self wean but DH became concerned about my sleep as I am pregnant again.
DH is now settling DD while I'm in the spare room. It's been really easy, she is now sleeping through most nights (after only a week of night weaning). I still feed her to sleep and in the mornings. No noticeable change my supply and she still asks for feeds as normal in the day. It's difficult to know when the best time is. Perhaps give it a go but stop if your daughter doesn't seem ready?

I could have written your post GodisaDJ, I am in v similar situation with 12mo DD and I also don't know what to do! Does she need the milk or is it comfort is my big question - if only she could talk... I wouldn't mind so much but my periods haven't come back yet and we want to start TTC. So, I really am no help to you whatsoever! It sounds like night weaning went well for fivepies but I just can't imagine DD settling without milk. And it worries me that she would be hungry, some days she doesn't eat well. I guess try it and see is the only way, is your DH able to take over one night and try settling her without you? I might try this, and give a time limit eg if he can't settle her within 30 mins to call me. What do you think?

Dr Jay Gordon does gentle night weaning (explained on his website) and there's the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' too, which might give you some options to think over?

You could try offering her more in the day too, to see if this diminishes her nursing needs at night.

Good luck

I second the recommendation for Dr Jay Gordon. DS was 15 months when I night-weaned. It was easy (and he's not an easy child IYKWIM) and I'm sure that's because we were both ready. I looked at the instructions when he was 12 months and honestly couldn't face it... But every baby is different and if you try it and it doesn't work there's no reason you can't stop and try again in a few months.

I personally don't see anything wrong with a child breastfeeding at night even if it is 'just' for comfort. That's part of what it's all about IMO - so don't feel pressured into night-weaning, it should be a decision based on your needs and the needs of your baby. Nobody else.

I may have continued to feed DS at night if I wasn't pregnant but I have suffered bad nursing aversion and I didn't want to be feeding 2 babies in the night. It hasn't effected his day feeds at all, and I can appreciate the nursing relationship once more instead of resenting it. We both sleep better at night for now but of course that will probably change when the new baby arrives!

One thing to bare in mind is that some people night-wean and their babies still wake in the night - its probably worth thinking about whether you'd be kicking yourself with one less soothing tool to hand if this happens or if you can live with it perhaps knowing that someone else can share the load.

good luck with whatever you decide, I've realised there's no right or wrong with breastfeeding relationships; only what works for baby and you

I have used Dr Jay twice now. As NiceCupOfTea says it has to be because you're ready for it because there's no other reason to and if you're not ready it won't be easy.

The first baby we used it with as she is a fidget and not a good bedsharer. Although it's for bedsharing families you can also use it for babies who sleep in their own bed or to get them into their own.

The second time we used it was because I have long term PGP and fibro, so I can't sleep in the side-feeding position and the lack of sleep was affecting my health. I hung on for the 12 months which wasn't easy!

I night weaned DD1 at 12m so I could get pg (oops I already was!) and she was having 4 feeds in the night too. We just sent DH in with a beaker of water and she had that instead of nursing - she still nursed before bed though. It wasn't too traumatic and it only took a week (IIRC!) but tbh it was unnecessary looking back and I didn't night wean DD2 or DD3 they did it on their own, they each had their own water beaker in their bed from about 18m (and they still do know at 6y, 4y & 2y).

DD2 was 15 or 16m and DD3 was well over 2y but she has eczema so often needed to nurse to get back to sleep after creaming her skin and DH and I took it in turns to get up to cream her. She often had 4 or so creamings before we went to bed and then 8+ in the night after we went to bed so DH would only call me in to nurse her if she asked for it, she didn't nurse every time I went in either. Now she mostly sleeps through the night at 2y 10m though if she does wake DH deals with it as I am pg with DD4 and need my sleep .

Thank you all for the replies, I knew MN would give me some persepective

mrstigglywink whilst not good for you, it's nice to know I'm not the only one arguing in her own head! DP is a teacher so currently off work so now is the time to do it as he hasn't got to worry about missing a night (or two, or three) of sleep.

comingoutasanathiest I have read Dr Jay Gordon's website a couple of months back and definitely wasn't ready. I think I need to look again. Is this the pattern you were on about: drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html ? I have read 'no cry sleep solution' and am practically doing everything she suggests: she goes down for naps awake, has enough sleep during the day, steady 'routine' at night (dinner-bath-milk-change-stories), a musical wind up thing she's had on since she was born that I put on when it's sleeping time, a phrase I say "sleepy-time now baby-godisadj", even DP now puts her to bed (I don't feed her to sleep) - she just wakes in the night and needs me to comfort her back to sleep. I'm just out of ideas! I also have increased milk feeds during the day, didn't make a scrap of difference.

nicecupoftea I agree with you that there isn't anything wrong with night time feeding/waking and have genuinely been fine with it until now. I'm back at work (albeit working from home and part time compared to a full time 60 hour week in a city pre-dd) so a little more tired than normal as having to engage my brain a bit more. I know that DD is having plenty of food during the day so her reason for waking is not because of food; she is just struggling to settle herself off during the night. More annoying because she can self settle during the day and with the feeds that I do do at night, she's normally awake afterwards and I put her in her cot awake and she drops off. How can I teach her to self settle when she wakes up?

truthsweet what made you say it was unnecessary looking back? Was that because your other dd's nightweaned easily a few months later?

Last night I was annoyed (is that a harsh word to say about my daughter ) at her getting up nearly every 90 minutes and I know she wasn't teething but don't know the reason why she was waking up.

Still undecided but swaying more towards Dr Gordon's method now. Need to decide this week as DP back at work (school) in a couple of weeks.

I have used the Jay Gordon method twice now too, at around 13 to 15 months.

They carried on waking up at night for a while after, but I found it much easier not bfing. I just started slowly and stopped where I thought I could survive for a while longer on the amount of sleep I was getting (which for me was cuddling back to sleep when they woke up).

a) because I was already pg when we night weaned her (I thought the 12+ feeds a day would stop me conceiving).

b) she had reflux and had been desperately under weight (2nd%ile for weight & 91st%ile for height at one point IIRC) and was only just starting to pick up more weight. Night weaning shouldn't have happened as if she had space/need for water she had space/need for milk which would have been better for her.

c) She would have night weaned sooner or later, she wouldn't be still having night feeds now at 6y (mainly because she couldn't bf past 3y 6m) and I regret causing her distress of any degree (hence why I didn't do CIO with her younger siblings - I was very suggestible as I had PND so went with what the HV said for the most part - I wouldn't completely wean her though). The nights days are long but the years are short - that's my motto now (and 'this too shall pass' but all too quickly in my experience!).

None of this is applicable to you I realise but they are my reasons for it being unnecessary or even detrimental to her.

Thanks truthsweet, very honest answer and can completely see why you chose not to night wean with those reasons.

DD is on 50th centile and has been since 2 weeks old so I'm happy she is having enough food and milk during the day.

Just wish I knew what to do for the best! and like someone said above, if I do night wean, there's no guarantee that she'll sleep any better. Oh pass me the

I nightweaned DD one at around 10m using the Jay Gordon method and it worked really well. I know he recommends not doing it before 12m but I was pretty desperate. I did it with more small steps than in his plan so it took a bit longer, and then I found once I'd got a solid block of sleeping through from 11pm-4am she very gradually pushed those times respectively forward and back until eventually she was going right through until 6am.

I have been semi trying to nightwean 15m DD2 for the past few months but my heart's not in it. With DD1 I was heavily motivated by going back to work at 1yr and needing better sleep, but with DD2 that's not the case and frankly I can't be bothered with the effort! Plus every time I start, teething, colds etc etc happen. DD2 is ill at the moment but I'm determined(ish) that once she's better I'll start. I'm also a bit half-hearted about it because I feel so sad thinking this will be my last baby to have cuddled up in bed with me and I don't want to kick her out just yet.

I keep thnking about nightweaning DD as she still feeds AT LEAST every 2 hours at night at 14months.... but then BF is the quickest way to get her back to sleep and I'm weak!

The thing I like with Dr Jay is it's meant for bed sharing, so you're never leaving them on their own or letting them cry, and the emphasis is on getting them to settle without the breast rather than not breastfeeding, so they should sleep better when you've done it.

Hi GodisaDJ yes I do argue with myself about it! A few weeks ago I was on the point of calling a sleep consultant ( which is not like me at all) but then changed my mind and reverted to just going with whatever was easiest... In my case, feeding and rocking to sleep. I do agree with what someone said above about it not being 'just' comfort and I hate my little girl to be upset and wanting me/milk. It is very nice to know I'm not the only person still bf-ing an older baby and still doing it throughout the night too, as none of my friends are still bf-ing.

For those interested I started Dr jay Gordon's night weaning plan on Wednesday night. Our set up is dd is in her room and cot but there is a bed next to cot which I've used to feed her in the night and either fall asleep with her or transfer her back.

Update below:

Wed night - fed at 9.30. Woke at 12.30. Big screams when realised no milk. Offered water, cuddles etc. it was hard, but not as hard on us both as I expected. I wrapped myself up in the quilt and she lay next to me. She was up and down on my chest, fighting the fact she was tired against 'i want milk', kept, pointing to my neck and chest. I kept repeating no milky till morning, and talking to her. Went off to sleep after 60 min. Woke again at 2,30, same again eventually went off. Woke again at 5.30, not much fight, but slept till 8am so had no milk from 9.30 pm to 8am with 3 get ups.

Thurs - fed at 10.30, woke at 3.30 (longest shes done since being newborn!) Same as above, reassured her I was here, cuddles, stroking skin, offered water. No fight in her, dropped off within 30 min, few murmurs and testing (hand down top) but stuck with it. Not heard from her since and it's 6.20am

It's working I think??!

wow, fingers crossed for you! I opened this thread as DP suggested last night that we sleep train DD age 10.5 months. He wants to do controlled crying & I don't... Hmm.

I like what Jay says that if you were sleeping next to the best all you can eat buffett, you wouldn't sleep either! At 12 months they can go all night without it, they have you with them so there isn't a "need" as such. I like that it's not about leaving the baby, it's about being there and comforting them.

That's great godisadj! I think I'm going to be trying this method pretty soon, 14mo DS is up every 2-3 hours still. When DP settles him he goes down pretty quickly, so I'm sure he doesn't need milk, but because we're cosleeping he definitely does see it as an all night buffet! I'm going to try him in his own bed soon too, which I'm hoping will help too as he won't have me right there all the time, and DP can go to him without me being there too.

Do post your progress - it's great to hear!

I was in exactly your situation until a few weeks ago...My 11 month old was waking up a few times in the night to feed and then would go straight back to sleep. I was convinced that he needed the milk and despite hating the wake ups was persisting. However, i had to work 5 consecutive night shifts (8am-8pm) and my DH was in charge..so no milk for baby as he is EBF.

It proved to be the best turn of events..as DS is now sleeping through the night. The time i spend with him during the day has been enhanced because I feel so much more human after a good nights sleep. It really has changed my life. So I would say try night weaning, at 12 months he'll be fine!

That's brilliant Fifty - did your DH have a rough time of it, or did it go not too badly?

Well I'll keep you posted fifty - night 3 tonight. She has had 2 massive feeds at bedtime and again at 10.30; I think she knows I won't feed her.

Praying this continues to be as good if not better than last night. I actually felt normal today too surprising what a block of more than 4 hours sleep does isn't it

Night 3 : bed at 6.45pm with big feed, very attached and wanted me but had feed and happily went to dad as normal for stories; she woke at 10.20pm, breastfed, she took both boobs and didn't want to unlatch; big cuddle and reassured her she could have milk in the morning. Went down awake in cot, chatted to herself and fell asleep. Woke at 2.30am. Cuddle on the double bed, didn't attempt to point at my chest or neck, but wanted to be close. She tried to get back off to sleep lying on me (holding my hand) but couldn't - so I asked her if she wanted to go back in cot. Picked her up and placed her in cot, she rolled over and slept till 7.40am.

We did spend probably 45 min in the bed trying to get to sleep (she was half and half and moving around loads) and I think I could have attempted moving her earlier, so will try that tonight. Or I could try a cuddle out of cot, and not even get in to the bed and try putting her back in cot. A few options to try but we are definitely making progress - a 3.5 hr stint - then 4 hr - then another 4 hr.

Night 4: bed at 6.40 with a big feed, she was knackered today so nearly fell asleep whilst feeding. We skipped story time but I did wake her before putting her in cot and she rolled over and fell back off to sleep.

Woke at 11pm, fed and straight back to sleep.

Woke at 1.30 so not as good as previous nights but she hardly cried. She had a cuddle for less than 10 min and went to sleep when I put her back in cot didn't attempt to find milk.

Woke at 3am this time really upset and angry. We lay on bed and she wasnt happy, but wasn't doing the usual pointing for milk. Then I remembered I hadn't offered her water the previous time she woke. She gulped water for a good few seconds and flopped on me. I took her grow bag off as it was warm last night but she couldn't get comfortable in the bed, so risked transferring her whilst awake. She found her teddy, 'chatted' to it and fell asleep. I did stop in her room just in case but didn't hear a peek from her from 3.30am

7.30 - up for the day.

Night time sleep = 6.40am - 7.30pm
Get ups during this time = 3
Milk during this time = 1 @ 11am

Progress...

Night 5: had been a little 'out of sorts' during the day but eventually got to bed time and she didn't want to go to sleep. She had a big feed but still wouldn't drop off. We let her stay up a bit (upstairs playing) and eventually I cuddled her to sleep (not before biting me twice.... [hmmm] )

Woke like clockwork at 11pm, big feed, both boobs, straight back off.

Woke at 3am - had a cuddle, bit of water, back in cot.

Woke at 3.30am - not happy and made me aware of it :( more cuddles in bed and didn't transfer her to cot. She eventually settled all snuggled in to me but I do think she is really uncomfortable in the bed; moves about a lot and when I do put her in the cot, she settles straight away. She wasn't bothered about no milk, took some water off me and was tired and wanted to sleep. I however, didn't sleep very well after 3.30am

Woke at 6.20am - kicked DP to get up with her so I could catch up on sleep!

Night time sleep = 7.20pm - 6.20am
Get ups during this time = 3
Milk during this time = 1 @ 11am