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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

sending a 2.3 yo away to get her off night feeds - cruel? (please say no, I'm desperate)

7 replies

whatinthewhatnow · 12/08/2012 11:11

sorry if people have read other posts from me on the same subject and are thinking 'my god woman, just get on with weaning that bloody child!'. Also sorry it's so long.

2.3 DD still bf lots. I've managed to pretty much day wean her by saying 'milk all gone' and then finding her something else to do. The problem is night time, when she basically sleeps for a couple of hours at the beginning of the night and then will feed on and off all night. I moved her into her brother's room to see if not co-sleeping would help, but she just shouts until I feed her, and because I'm so tired ( I work as well) I just feed her and sleep in her bed with her to get some sleep. I'm totally over breastfeeding so am happy to stop, but don't have the willpower to argue with a very determined toddler, who I love very much. I won't leave her to cry on her own and as soon as she sees me she looks for milk, of course. DH works full time and shifts so we can't try him going to her at night becuase he's usually not there.

I was talking to my sister today, and she has offered to have my DCs stay for a couple of nights to basically break the cycle of night feeds. She loves my children, has weaned a noisy toddler herself a couple of years ago, and I know she will look after her very kindly. I warned her that dd will wake and cry and she's happy to have a couple of sleepless nights (is a teacher so on holidays). I suppose I'm thinking it will mean DD gets lots of cuddles and love if she wakes but no access to milk. It's the kind of thing DHs do but mine can't, so my sis is a good option (possibly better?).

Any thoughts? Has anyone done this? Will DD be just as 'bad' when she gets home meaning I have to go through the whole process myself anyway? (I know that noone can answer that really). Help!

OP posts:
NCForNow · 12/08/2012 11:13

I think it might be better to book some time off work and deal with the tantrums....I know how hard it is as both my DDs did the same thing!

I think to send her away may upset and confuse her if she's never been away without you...she'll have lost both YOU and boob too.!

That's a bit confusing for a two year old imo.

SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius · 12/08/2012 11:21

Maybe send your ds away for a holiday with his auntie, and resign yourself to the noisy nights whilst you break this habit.

Or, if your dd would understand, tell her that she could go to stay with her aunt, but only if she doesn't need to bf in the nighttime.

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 12/08/2012 11:22

She might just accept there's no milk while she's away, but want it as soon as she's home again. My DD is happy enough when I'm not at home putting her to bed, but if I am home she won't let me off the hook Grin

pickledparsnip · 12/08/2012 11:36

Will be watching this thread. My son is nearly 3 and still feeds at night. I'm totally over breastfeeding too, but have yet to face the stress of night weaning (he's pretty much done in the day too).

A friend of mine went away for the weekend and left her breastfeeding 3 year old at home with his dad for the weekend. It did the trick! As a pp said though I do know kids who aren't remotely interested in breastfeeding until mummy is about.

I feel your pain!

savoycabbage · 12/08/2012 11:40

I think she will go to her auntie's not have the milk, sleep like a top, have a lovely time and then ask for it when she gets home.

It is probably a good way to start off the process though. I think you should have a couple of days off work as well when she comes back from her mini-break and get it sorted.

Your sister sounds lovely!

whatinthewhatnow · 12/08/2012 12:24

ah pickled maybe we should swap toddlers!

savoy that's kind of what I was thinking. They'll be going while I'm working and then I'm off for a couple of days after that, so I can ready myself to be up all night if needs be. I just need to get on with it really, and this seems like too good an opportunity to miss.

I know in theory I could keep her at home and do it myself but I just don't have the willpower. I can see myself just carrying on and on and getting more and more pissed off and resentful but never quite having the strength to actually do it. This might just be the thing that motivates me (mainly because DSis said if she goes through 2 nights of hell and I then BF DD again she'll kill me Smile ).

thanks for all the advice. we're away on hols next week so it will be the week after, i'll let you know if i go through with it and if it works!

OP posts:
whatinthewhatnow · 14/08/2012 09:46

So, last night I got the fear about sending them both away, having never spent the night away from them before. I told myself that if I can night wean her before then, I won't have to do it, which kind of inspired me.

She woke 5 times overnight. Cried each time, but I gave her cuddles, and if that didn't work read her a story and offered her a cup of cows milk (she drank some the second waking). The first time took the longest (4 stories, eek) but then it was 2 stories, then none. She pointed to the milk but was fine when I said 'do you remember, it's all gone now'. I think that's it for us now, I've started so I'll finish. Getting through the day without feeding will be easy as she usually doesn't, and she's actually quite proud of herself today for only having 'big girl drinks', and I think once she's gone to sleep without a feed at bedtime that will be a job done.

How weird, I've been breastfeeding for 4.5 years.

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