Using me as a dummy

[lizmarshmallow]

Help, my 14wo ebf dd is using me as a dummy. She won't take a bottle or a real dummy and it's starting to hurt!

For instance. Before bed she'll feed for 15-20 mins then start just sucking differently and isn't swallowing. If I pop her off she just roots about and starts screaming if she's not put back on. It can take over an hour to get her down to sleep as I need to wait for her to fall off herself. And even then she wakes 2 or 3 times before she's down for the night (she wakes at 2ish) for a feed.

Is there any way to make her take a dummy or to stop her using me for comfort? I'm beginning to wish I'd never started breast feeding.

That sounds horrible :(

Have you tried different types of dummies? I have heard that some babies prefer one over others. Maybe worth giving a few different types a go?

I know that this isn't extremely helpful but it's all I can suggest. I hope you sort it :)

We have struggled with the same issue. It took a shopping spree to boots to buy one of every style/make bottle they have.

Avent bottles that we had were useless as the teat sort of vanished and ds couldn't latch on to anything.

I took them all home and didn't know which one best to start with. Dp took a look at them all still in the packaging and said that will be the one it's just like your boob and nipple. You would not believe it he started trying to latch on straight away that was a nuby.

We found when we first started giving him a bottle we were a lot more successful if we woke him before he usually woke himself so he was still a little sleepy and not starving hungry. We also found he would only take a bottle from me for the first few times. I would start feeding him myself then swap for the bottle and thy would be ok. Then i started to pass ds while on the bottle over to dp and that would be fine but Dp couldn't start the feed. When he would take it from Dp to start with he would have to cradle him in the same position I feed in and take his top of so he still has a bit of skin contact on his cheek.

We had the same issues with dummy's too which ended up with us having a ton of them. He will take a mam dummy when it suits him. We found the others just seemed to pop out of his mouth. They apparently have a special silk teat bit which helps them grip it if I remember rightly from reading the packaging.

Babies have a very strong sucking instinct/reflex. It's as natural to them as blinking. They also don't know what dummies are! She's not using you as a dummy, she's using you as her mummy! 'comfort' sucking is an important part of the breastfeeding relationship, it establishes and maintains supply, ensures that you stay clos to your baby (she doesnt know there are no tigers out there!) Lettng your baby take comfort from your breast is not a bad thing. It's not all about nutrition.

However, if it becomes too much and makes you question continuing to breastfeed, then of course address it. There needn't be pain when your baby nurses (think of it as nursing rather than 'feeding' which is only a small par of bf), so do you have a local bf group where someone qualified can check latch positioning?

Can you try to get yourself more comfortable while your LO finds comfort in the love of her life (you!)? If you can sort any pain issues and get as relaxed as you possibly can, you may start to appreciate the closeness and quietness of a lazy loving nursing session.

If you (understandably in many circumstances) want to continue to try dummies, I have also heard good things about Mam soothers. Some mothers find gently rhythmically tapping on the back of the dummy can kick-start the sucking reflex and help baby to 'take' it.

I hope you find a way through, dummy or not!

Thank you all for your replies.

I had always said to my DH that I'd never give my children dummies and feel like I've let myself down by trying to give her one.

I've tried Avent bottles which made her gag and Avent dummies which she just spat out. We have a tommy tippee closer to nature bottle which she'll tolerate in her mouth but she just sort of chews and licks, although she has done the occasional suck. She just can't seem to get the hang of it. We tried her on another dummy on wednesday, it looks slanted rather than round and again she wasn't impressed!

I was looking for a nuby bottle but the boots I was in was very small so I'll go to another one, I'll also try the dummy mentioned.

Everyone I've spoken to said I wouldn't be able to give her a bottle so DH has been trying, she seems to prefer being in the bouncy seat and won't tolerate being held.

I was up with her for 2 hours last night trying to settle her back down, we're having a whole host of sleep issues and again I feel like a failure. I'm the kind of person that has to do everything right first time!

I've been to a nhs run breast feeding class and they say everything looks fine with her latch. I forgot to mention its only my right nipple that hurts (I seem to feel a lot more pain on the right side of my body). Feeding doesn't hurt, only her nursing for hours!

Sorry for the long post and the pity party, sitting here being sooked to death!!

are all the dummies for her age? can be hard to keep in wrong sizes. wish we'd never introduced dummy proper at about 3 months because she kept losing in night and waking every hour again. at that age she just really started wanting to suck to sleep but not me for some reason. (we used dummy for 2/3 nights to drop waking every hour for feed at 6 weeks and that was ok). ideas: give to her in day to practise until she has good associations with it?

The dummy I bought on Wednesday was the right age range, but the Avent is a newborn. She doesn't even suck them, she just pulls a face and out they come.

I've thought of another question. When introducing bottles, what teats should I get? Newborn slowflow till she gets used to it or for her current age? I thought this may have been preventing is from making progress.

Babies are a minefield!

Dd is 6 months and still on newborn if we use a bottle (I mostly stopped using one bottle/day at 3 months cos couldnt be bothered to express) so it is hard for her to suck like bf; she had flow confusion and stopped wanting to bf. But if you are going over to bottlefeeding and she won't take them I imagine age appropriate teats might give her more immediate milk satisfaction so she won't hate them.

Also though trying to keep her sleepy is one aim, when you take her off you could try distracting her with a fav. song, night light and cuddle as they start being easier to distract at that age.

It's what TV with subtitles was made for.

Relax, enjoy she won't do it forever and even if she does.

DD2 I'm looking at you, you'll still miss it when she stops.

im ebf my 7 wks old ds and i use closer to nature dummies as it is similar to your nipple shape. if ds is unsettled, then i put the dummy in his mouth and once he is settled, i take it out so he is not relying on them too much. my other 2 dcs never had dummies and both were bottlefed so dont know if that is any different??.

in the first 3 weeks, i uses them but now i hardly use them.

good luck.

Sent you a pm

I'm feeling your pain op my DD2 is exactly the same and shes 21 week so far no luck for me for bottles or dummy's :( she's managed a few ounces on two attempts but has now resorted to screaming when she sees a bottle! I've wasted a fortune on bottles just bought the playtex nurser system ( its an American thing) it claims 90% success in bottle refusers seems my stubborn little monkey is in the 10%! I ebf DD1 for none months and she switched to bottle without a problem.

The constant sucking for comfort at night has eased up a little though as she's got older

That should say I ebf DD1 for nine months not none ha

Thanks everyone, willing to try anything so all suggestions welcome. It's good to know I'm not alone with these problems. Next issue is getting dd to sleep through the night and to stop waking at 5!

Toddle, I've replied!

Oh lawabidingmama don't say that, I'm so scared she won't ever take a bottle and I'll be feeding till she's 18

I've even bought a sippy cup to try soon.

I'm actually starting to worry that if I get run over by a bus, DD will starve!

Have you had her checked for tongue tie?
it's often missed by HVs, GPs etc.

This is a good article:
milkmatters.org.uk/2011/04/15/hidden-cause-of-feeding-problems-however-you-feed-your-baby/

She doesn't have an obvious tongue tie but scanning your link, she does have a few of the symptoms noted.

Who would be best to check this if it can be missed?

Liz - DD3 wouldn't take a bottle (though we only tried once when she was 4m old as I was taking her sister to a party) and never tried her with a dummy. I would have put money on her not taking a bottle if we really needed her too.

At 6m I was taken ill and was in too much pain to feed her (I did try though). The A&E nurse went and raided Paeds. A&E for a bottle of formula and one of those screw on teats. She took it fine even though I was right there and had just tried to feed her. She also took the bottles we had at home though she preferred DH to give them to her (she was very reluctant with my mum or MIL) as I was in hospital for a week and she was only able to come in once or twice a day for feeds.

And she isn't using you as a dummy, a dummy/pacifier/soother is a dummy nipple! So if she takes a dummy she is using it as a substitute nipple not the other way round .

It's normal for babies to bf very often when they are small but if she is hurting you while feeding it would be worthwhile to get an experienced bfing supporter (bfing counsellor, peer supporter, IBCLC) to watch a feed to see if there is any 'tweaks' that could be made to latch/positioning/attachment to help make feeding painfree.

I would contact Milk Matters, they should be able to put you in contact with someone in your area and they run their own clinics if you are lucky enough to be near one.

GPs, midwives and HVs are notoriously bad at either missing them or saying they don't impact feeding etc. if you do want your GP to check they could also check for a high palate, which is easier to spot and often indicates a tongue tie.