losing confidence (again) with BF 9wo, any advice please?

[smk84]

Hi, I have 9wo EBF DS who has had quite a nasty cold. I posted yesterday to find out if his behaviour was normal - falling asleep early on in a feed, or not opening mouth properly, or not feeding at all sometimes, or fussing around. I have had him checked by GP and all clear apart from the cold, and he is well hydrated. I ws reassured by some people that this behaviour is normal as he is probably feeling rubbish, but I am finding my confidence in my feeding decisions really slipping, and I am getting pretty anxious about it all again. Since he was born, he has slipped down the weight centiles and is now on the 9th, having been born on the 50th. As a newborn he took 4 weeks to regain birth weight, but since 2 weeks old he has steadily gained about 6oz a week apart from when he has been unwell (this is his second cold). He has had this bug for about a week now, so he will probably not have gained well again. I feed him on demand, but I am finding myself paranoid about how long he is feeding for, how soon he is falling asleep etc etc. When he is fussing (head bobbing, arms and legs wriggling etc), I am worried that it;s because my supply has dipped, and don't know whether to take him off or not (it makes me really tense when he does this). I leave him on as long as I can cos I think it will help me build back my supply. He does stop fussing when the next let down comes. He is generally content after feeds, but seeming not to be during the feed. I know he is tkaing milk but pretty sure it's not as much as normal. I feel very lonely and unsupported in our feeding relationship now no MWs or HVs visit (I have had fab support on here over the weeks that has helped me keep going). I do phone my HV who is lovely if I have a question, but I feel like she is getting fed up of me as I always have so many ! DH is fantastic, but doens't get the emotional part of it. It has been a tough journey for us, and I am starting to flag again, and wondering if I am being unfair to my DS by making him work so hard for his milk, especially when he's not well. I just really want him to start piling on some weight and be settled when he is feeding. I have been determined to BF him which is why we have come this far, but I am really starting to wonder if this is good for either of us, or DH or DS1 as I am so tense about it all the time at the moment. I have been unwell too, and am stupidly exhausted and don't want to make any rash decisions, but not sure how long I can carry on, but would be devastated to stop ! BLimey what a rant, sorry and thank you for reading.

smk it sounds like you're doing brilliantly, and your little boy is lucky to have a mum who cares so much about this.

dropping from the 50th to the 9th sounds a lot, but it isn't really. if he has been consistently following the 9th for a while now then that's probably where he is supposed to be.

if he is generally happy and healthy, apart from this current cold, then there is really no reason to think that you aren't making enough milk or that he isn't taking enough.
He's bound to fuss more if he's feeling unwell or is blocked up.

I know it's hard, but you need to trust your body to make enough milk- there really is no reason to think that you aren't. and trust him to ask when he wants it- which he is! if he was hungry you'd know about it :)

what area are you in roughly? do you have a local LLL group? I've found mine absolutely brilliant for calming me when I felt things were going wrong, and giving me assurance that I'm doing the right thing.

thank you :) he has been gaining along the 9th for a while. my nearest lll is plymouth, but it's too far from me. i thought they had started one in totnes but when i called the number it turned out that one wasn't on anymore.

does anyone else have any advice please?

No advice really. My DS is similarly discontented during feeds sometimes and I'm struggling to understand what he wants some of the time.

But what I wanted to say really was that we sound like we live in the same area and the lack of available support is terrible. We lived in Oxford when I had DD and there were bf clinics and cafes all over the city. Just nothing in Devon! And when I was desperate for help with antenatal depression there was nothing either. Shame.

hi belinda thank god for mumsnet ! it's hard going isn't it !sorry to hear you had and - how are you now? i am struggling a bit with pnd i think, but support crap so not really getting any. had terrible pnd with ds1 and pants support then too !

Hi smk I just want to say that you are not being unfair to DS - your milk is made for him and although he may seem frustrated if the supply dips, overall I'm sure he loves the chance to have a cuddle and a good old suck. Plus, you will be giving him antibodies specifically for his cold so you're helping him get better. He would still feel poorly if he was getting a bottle, but would have the added confusion of needing to learn to bottle feed rather than getting his food from you.

My DS is five months now and he is much less fussy at the breast but I remember when he was like that - bobbing, wriggling, etc - I would feel myself get out of breath as if it was me struggling to get food/to breath through a blocked up nose. I would conciously try to breath deeper and slower, relax my shoulders etc.

In our area the PCT runs breastfeeding cafes/drop in sessions where mums can go to share support/ask questions. Maybe there is something like this near you?

I also found my MIL a real support when I was struggling with painful feeds and so on - a total surprise as my mother also BF and I would have expected her to be the support, but somehow MIL was better. There may be someone unexpected in your family who could offer RL support?

You are doing brilliantly to have got this far, take it a day at a time, don't heap needless pressure on yourself. Oh, and I read a book called The Food of Love which I found really helpful and it ended with something I would remind myself of when I was feeling low or guilty about feeding/parenting choices: 'Go and look at your baby. Isn't he perfect? Well done!'

Hi smk. It looks like there's a LLL in Okehampton. Is that too far for you? It is for me, especially with holiday traffic. Strange there isn't one in Totnes. You'd think there would be!

yes belinda it is, i am thinking of getting in touch with plym group tho . have had latched checked at local groups but still not convinced it's as good as could be - they just tend to look once he is on.