Is it ever really possible to go back to ebf - I'm not convinced

[monkeypuzzeltree]

Hello ladies, so here I am after much drama, DS is 5 weeks and I'm on domperidone and milk is finally here. Now of course DS would rather not bother bfing having enjoyed the fountain for the last 2 weeks. I've been offering him bf each time but until the last 24 hours there was little there - now, after 24 hours of the tablets I could spray it across the room!

But he's not latching for more than a minute, gets frustrated no matter what I try.

Am I being unrealistic? I'm so tired from keeping trying this and keeping up with my toddler, having to pump the milk he's not drinking is just impossible to fit in the day.

Do I just keep trying or give in. This is turning me quietly mad.

This is just my own personal experience of course!

I went from DD1 not bfing at all on day 2 (or even bottle feeding - she had to be force fed ) due to jaundice, I expressed 12 times a day with a hospital grade pump for 8 weeks which provided most but not all her milk so she had formula as well and it was far more formula than ebm in the early weeks.

She did latch on on occasions but wasn't very good at it so she had a lot of bottles. At 8 weeks she caught on and we gave up bottles entirely - this was helped by me going on fenugreek and actually having enough milk for the first time.

She was ebf then to 26wk when she started solids and carried on bfing until she was 3y 6m (she self weaned due to jaw development) - I was 8m pg with DD3 so she had bf through DD2's pg and tandem nursed for about 21m with her sister.

A rough start doesn't have to mean the end of bfing but equally there are no guarantees in life.

There are a few things that you might want to try to get your DS back to bfing (you may already be doing them/have tried them though!):-

Skin to skin when possible - as you have a toddler that may mean wearing DS in a sling (wrap or ring kind) while you are topless (wearing a cardigan or loose top over both of you if you feel more comfortable that way) so that he gets used to breasts as being a lovely comforting place to be - it also makes it easier for his cues to be responded to immediately.

Co-Bathing - one to try after the toddler is in bed and your OH is on hand to help - this can help trigger feeding reflexes in babies and the angle you lie in a bath is ideal for Biological Nurturing.

Nipple shields - not the best solution in the world BUT if they mean your baby latches on to you for longer and is happy to feed then they are great (shields can be weaned from later if needed/wanted).

Trying paced bottle feeding so that there isn't so much instant gratification with the bottle - and perhaps trying to finish a feed on the breast (feeding a bit from the bottle so baby isn't ravenous then offering the breast to end the feed). This can work well as then baby begins to associate the breast with satiety and repletion rather than the bottle.

I hope you find a way forward that works for you, what ever it entails

Thank you for sharing Am impressed that you kept up the trying until 8 weeks. Trying to balance a toddler into it all makes it more tricky I am finding! Gives me some hope I really thought by 8 weeks it would be game over. This is so hard, feel like I've been robbed of something.

I still feel like that (being robbed!) and DD1 is 6y old now and I am expecting DD4 and successfully bf DD2 & DD3. The pain of it is still there - dimmed considerably of course though A breastfeeding counsellor can help you with talking through your feelings about how bfing is/isn't going as well as helping to get baby to bf. The helplines are open all week long.

Is there anyone/many someones you can count on to help out with your toddler for a few days while you concentrate on getting bfing cracked? Even an afternoon out at the park while you have a skin to skin snooze with baby can help.

Some babies get 'switched off' bfing if they have too many attempts to get them to bf (often seen with babies who have had their heads 'shoved' onto their mum's breasts by well meaning but misguided people) so getting baby to be happy to just be near your breasts is a major step, you can then build on that and get baby happy to latch on even if they don't stay on very long (you can try breast compressions to increase flow or hand expressing just before offering so that the milk is there already [some babies object to having to suckle for a bit before let down occurs]).

It can be a slow process tbh, I thought we were close to cracking it when DD1 was 2 weeks old but I got taken into hospital in the middle of the night with chest pains and couldn't pump for about 18 hours (I was pumping 2 hourly so I missed 9 sessions!) and didn't see DD1 for about a day then had to pump and dump for 12 hours as I had had a radioactive dye injected in me for an x-ray. It really was 1 step forward, 10 back and I only had the one child!

It is possible - I've done it!

We had loads of trouble - LO was a very 'angry' feeder, he would pinch and grab and cry as soon as he was put to the breast. He had to be supplemented by bottle on day 4 as he was losing weight fast. I tried everyday for 6 weeks to feed him, sometimes he would latch fine, but the majority of the time, I just gave him a bottle after fighting to feed for 20 minutes. I expressed a lot, and gave formula too.
I gave up completely at one point, and he had nothing but formula for 4 or 5 days. Then I decided to give it one last go, I got into the bath with him, and he latched and fed for 40 minutes! From there it just got better and better. I could be EBF if I wanted to, but sometimes I choose to give one bottle about 11pm at night to help him sleep, and give me a break, as OH can do this.
I continue to express now, but only very little. I do it by hand - I keep a bottle handy and add to it throughout the day, so sometimes I have expressed enough to give him a BM bottle at the end of the day.

I chose to keep at it, because I thought it would help with the mental health problems I am having. Turns out that it's not helping in that department, but I know that I am doing the best I can for him. It was hugely difficult at times, I would cry during feeds and wonder what the point of everything was.

If it's what you truly want, it can be done.

Due to tongue tie only being fixed at 4.5 weeks old I bottle fed my ds a mixture of expressed breast milk and ff - we moved from bottle to breast via nipple shields and now are at 18 weeks saving been ebf since then, so yes, it scan be done.

Support fom reading mn and going to a breast feeding cafe regularly really helped.

Good luck!