Extended BF: tips on weaning 3.7 year old

[threeleftfeet]

DS still feeds night times - when it's my turn to put him to bed (so roughly every other night) and every morning (he comes into our room, and gets into our bed for a feed). Other than that only if he's ill.

I was expecting he'd self wean at some point, but he's showing no sign!

I'm pregnant now, and my nipples have started hurting when he feeds. (Is this normal?!). I know tandem feeding is possible, but I'm thinking that now is probably the time to start thinking about stopping.

He talks quite happily about BFing. I'm not sure how to explain it to him. Do I just stop or cut out the night feeds maybe? Or the morning ones?

I'm sad to stop though. We have a very busy life atm and it's a time that we always have in the day to connect IYSWIM. I suspect DS feels the same (although he wouldn't articulate it quite like that!

I think perhaps it's hard as my heart's not 100% in it. I'm just thinking perhaps it's enough now, and not enjoying the pain! But maybe I should try to tackle the pain and still let him self-wean?

I never intended to do extended BFing - I'd never heard of it nor given any though to when we'd stop. When it came to it, it just seemed the most natural thing to do. And I've never been particularly concerned with what other people think!

Any advice from extended BFers would be much appreciated :)

Hi.
3.7 years - fantastic!

Have you tried La Leche LEague, website or phoning them/group? Also they have a ood book called 'mothering your nursing toddler' which includes all the issues you mention as well as ways to do mother-led weaning if you want to.

Congrats on baby number 2 btw. Aye, pregnancy can make nipples mega sore if you're nursing. Supply drops later in pregnancy (2nd trimester) and some nursing toddlers stop then too.

Btw, pain tends to go further into pg, so probably a temporary thing.

Go away that is! Sorry, am not very succinct tonight!

Thanks for the reply and the congrats comingoutasasathiest :)

I didn't think of trying La Leche League, I'm forever recommending them to mums who have difficulties at the beginning. Thanks for the nudge, I'll speak to them, and have a look at that book too.

"Btw, pain tends to go further into pg, so probably a temporary thing."

That's interesting (and no worries, I knew what you meant!)

i found my nips were sore when I fed when pregnant, but it did go (about 16/20 weeks iirc). If your ds can already get to sleep without a feed (I am jealous) then why not cut out that feed? could DH do all the bedtimes for a while?

If you're not keen on tandem feeding then it's probably easier to stop now rather than have a new baby arrive first, which might compound any jealousy he feels. I thought I would tandem but when DD arrived I found the whole thing awful so weaned him very quickly when she was about a week old and he was 2.3. I'm lucky that he wasn't jealous. It may have been all the chocolate he was suddenly allowed at random times of day and the cup of hot milk and a biscuit in bed every night (his poor teeth! In my defence, I was exhausted and postnatally bonkers. and I'm a bit of a slummy mum).

at 3.7 I'm sure he can understand it all fairly well, so I would do a fair bit of explaining, but I would probably want to come across as fairly relaxed, in a kind of 'ooh, DS, did you know that you're 3.7 now and that's when big boys stop having mummy's milk, but instead get [insert treat/substitute of choice here] in the morning/before bed/when they're poorly'. Another option is not to talk about it at all, but just try to offer an alternative or distract him when he looks for a feed, and see if he eventually forgets. You know him best, so you know which kind of approach might suit him.

Someone with more experience than me of an older child might have better ideas.

I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, but I was pg with ds2 when ds1 was roughly your ds's age.

And there was no way he was stopping.

I thought that the milk drying up would stop him, but no, he continued to dry nurse. I absolutely hated it, but trying to stop him would have been even worse. I had a broken ankle from 32 weeks pg, so everything was upside down and then to add insult to injury a new baby came along.

We had a horrendous couple of years what with broken ankle, sibling rivalry, ds1 becoming ill followed by illness for myself.

It was never the right time to stop. But now, he rarely asks and even more rarely gets! (he is 6)

To summarise, stopping was harder than continuing, so we just continued.

Yes to Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and Adventures in Tandem Nursing - good for considering continuing or weaning.

My nipple pain eased up much earlier than 16 weeks into pg. :) 2.7 y.o. DS lost loads of interest in nursing starting from 6-8 weeks pg, although he's feeding again a bit more now I'm 28 weeks - I suspect my colostrum might have come in. (Still loads less than before I was pg though.)

Earlier in my pg would have been a good time to wean him if I'd wanted to.