Help me wean my 14 mo!

[brokenmummy]

Hello mumsnet!

My gorgeous by is 14mo and I'm thinking about weaning. I'm happy to feed up to 18 months, maybe longer, but I have a feeling that the sooner I do it, the easier it will be (on both of us!)

He bfs first thing in the morning in our bed, after his lunchtime nap (I use this as a nap extension, he sleeps for around an hour and then sleep/feeds for about 30-45 mins on top of that) and then again at bedtime.

I make an effort not to feed to sleep at bedtime and because of that he has started sleeping through. He is happy with cows milk in a cup (has one every evening after dinner, before bath)

Anyway, I have been told that after 18months ish it becomes much much harder to wean. Ideally, I'll drop the bedtime feed first and then the afternoon one, which I am most worried about - will he learn to nap longer if I cut that feed? He really needs that extra time on his nap but will only sleep on the boob after an hours nap!

Then I'll hang onto the am feed for a while longer. He rarely feeds at any other time and only really claws at my top if he's really hungry and I'm late with lunch/dinner.

I'm quite worried about the reduced food intake. He takes A LOT after his pm nap and I struggle with snacks as it is - what could I replace those calories with? I don't want to end up with more night wakings...

And my main worry is that I won't know how to comfort him without being able to feed him. He's had quite a few illnesses along the way (usual viruses etc) and as a result we've been through some long periods of feeding all night long. I really don't know of another way to comfort him when he's poorly/very unhappy. Cuddles have never been enough for him in the middle of the night. I feel like I'm not enough for him unless I can offer milk!

I suppose now might be a good time in that respect, as he's sleeping though at the moment and so I don't have to deal with the middle of the night!

Sorry this is so long. I am incapable of being concise on mumsnet!
Any advice welcome
Thanks

giving up after any length of time isnt easy tbh! With ref to comforting him, mums who never bf manage it dont they? He will get used to it. Cuddle him in an upright position with his head just under your neck so you can stroke and kiss him but he cant 'root'. Dare i ask if you've tried a dummy? Bottle?
Regarding the nutrition i assume he's taking some solids, im sure that will be enough and that the extra suckling is really more for comfort and is 'extra' calories rather than essential ones. He probably will sleep less during the daytime nap i would say, but his body will eventually adjust. This doesnt mean he will nap longer when it adjusts mind you, as again the comfort of the bf has lulled him back to sleep i would think, rather than a physical need for more sleep.
There's never a 'best' time to wean in my opinion, you just have to decide when and then stick to it. Im thinkin this is your first by? Remember you've done the best for him, he doesnt really need it any more, (even if you do!), the crying will be because you are denying it not that he's starving!! He will still love you just the same ... promise xx

Thanks for the reply.

Obv mums who don't breast feed can comfort - its just that DS has never known anything else and so I think he'll find it hard to associate just a cuddle with being comforted. If that makes sense. Haven't tried a dummy or bottle since he was small - seems a bit late to consider this no? He does take cows milk from a soft spout sippy cup.

Re nutrition - yes lots of solids, am less worried about the nutrition and more about the milk filling him up, or rather keeping him full for longer!

Yes he's my first! maybe am over thinking this but BF been such a huge part of the last year or so and want it to end on a good note...

Im in the same boat ds5 is14 months now and for want of a better word is getting cute.He knows where the boobies are.My others self weaned at this age cause i was pregnant so this is new to me.I dont really want to stop cold turkey.Hes only on 2/3 feeds a day anyway,its mostly comfort now.
So any ideas is welcome.

I don't think it will be necessarily harder to wean at 18 months, what makes you say that?

At 14 mo my DD fed pm, 2/3 at night and am. Now aged 16 months she feeds once. It's happened fairly naturally (prompted by her sleeping away from me at her Nanna's one night which seemed to break the night feed cycle) I haven't stopped the am one as it buys me extra sleep!

With the nap time feed could you try patting back to sleep? Cuddling? Whatever you do if he wakes in the night now? What does his dad, grandparent, nursery, childminder do or are you always there? Could someone else try to extend his nap so he doesnt get upset wondering why you dont give milk?

I think it's a bit late for a dummy or bottle but maybe a comfort toy/blanket, cuddle it together when you feed and try to encourage him to seek comfort from that instead of you.

He doesnt wake at night and really it is only 2/3 times a day.Its not as if hes hanging off me.Never had a bottle or dummy.But hes my 3rd child in 4 1/2 year
s so ive been basically breastfeeding for 3 1/3 year.

Thanks for the reply, Haloflo!

I think someone told me that they are just so much more aware at 18 months and more clingy, and therefore harder to wean.

He doesn't wake during the night, hasn't for about 2 months, but I'm scared that if he starts waking again I'll end up feeding him and starting the hideous night feed cycle again.

We have actually missed quite a few feeds the last few days as my mum has done bedtime twice, which actually went fine, so maybe it won't be as hard as I think. She just patted him to sleep. But basically yes I am usually always there and DH works late so always misses bedtime.

I think I'll just have to cut out the post nap feed and hope he starts sleeping for longer!