I really want to stop breastfeeding DS now

[Kveta]

he's 2.10, and I have 7 week old DD too. fed DS through the pregnancy no bother. managed the first 4 weeks of tandem feeding fine too.

but the past few days, I am starting to feel repulsed by him nursing. I can't look at him whilst he feeds, and am limiting him to seconds at a time, and max twice a day.

I would be so happy if he wanted to stop tomorrow. (and a little tiny bit sad and guilty, but mainly utterly relieved).

the problem is, he wants to feed so so much, every day we ask what he wants fro breakfast and it's mummy milk, for pudding after dinner (he's offered yoghurt or fruit!) he asks for mummy milk. we asked what he wants for his 3rd birthday the other day, and he said milk

I thought I'd be happy to let him self wean - and until recently, my plan was to slowly slowly wean him so he's off the boob by christmas, doing don't offer, don't refuse.

I know some people will say 'just stop FFS, he's nearly 3, he doesn't need it', but I can't just stop like that - he will be heartbroken, and I'm worried he'll resent me or DD if I stop suddenly.

So I guess what I'm asking is how I can cope with still feeding him, and how I can wean him more rapidly than he wants, without stopping dead.

(also, is this feeling of revulsion at all normal in tandem nursing? I feel so guilty for feeling this way, if that makes sense?)

i think it's very normal to feel like that during pregnancy and while tandem ffeeding.

you need Truthsweet because she has gone through similar several times!!! (i think, unless I am mis-remembering)

I would say if you can stick with it it will probably improve.
but also that 2.10yrs is fantastic and it isn't going to hurt to stop if that's what you want.
if that's the case I would try lots of distraction, an alternative "treat" for when he asks perhaps?

Kveta - I so hear you on this! I have had times when if the older one nursed just once more so help me God I would have screamed!

I have handled this in various ways depending on many things (their reason for nursing - both what they said and what I knew to be behind the request, my mood, their mood, how many times they had already nursed, etc), at times I had gone for the 'love bomb' approach and nursed them into submission (i.e. I have actually offered multiple times a day [even if my skin crawled while doing it] so that they got bored/sated), or used distraction from nursing (either me offering them something else or me distracting myself while bfing) or limiting the time they nursed to a count of 10/a short book/a song/etc.

If I postponed nursing because I was doing something else (or just couldn't cope with nursing them then) I always made sure I offered them the chance to nurse when I said they could, i.e. if I was folding the washing and said 'when I have finished you can have bah' I always offered when I had finished so that they didn't think they were being fobbed off and they knew I would always offer after the postponement. That seemed to make it easier for me to postpone if needed!

You might find examining why you feel repulsed helpful (comparison with baby, different latching on, uncomfortable feeding position, etc) though you may not find a rational 'thought' behind the revulsion (I know at times I didn't). I did find that the more they whinged needed it, the more I felt when they nursed, but if they needed nursing for pain relief/comfort I could easily nurse them without problems. It was as though casual requests for bah (As though I was a drinks dispenser not mummy) got my goat but heartfelt pleas for comfort over-rode anything other than 'bah makes them feel better'. I still occasionally get the impulse to nurse DD1 if she's hurt and she hasn't bf for nearly 3y (she would in a flash too even though she has 11 adult teeth and hasn't been able to latch for the last 3y!)

I hope my ramblings have helped in some small way (or amused you!). It's not often people talk about tandem nursing and the negative feelings that can result from it so you can feel very alone with these feelings. Rest assured that you are not!

You won't like what I'm about to say but stopping right now, and quickly, may well disrupt him. With a new little one around, that's why he's feeding so much - its the familiar, the comfort, the ''mummy still loves me too''.

You've done superbly well, and I understand exactly how you feel (I have moments of this with my DS, who is only slightly younger than yours). I limited milk to just morning and evening, and then dropped the evening feed, swapped it for cuddles and stories. Now DS only feeds in the mornings, and I feel less stressed about it.

When he asks for milk, ask him if he's hungry or thirsty. Thirsty, offer milk in a cup or water. Hungry, make a big fuss over him helping you to prepare a snack. If neither of these satisfy him, then cuddles and distraction.

As frustrating as it is sometimes... Remember, there's just been a lot of change in his life. He's processing in the way he knows how.

Well done mama.

thanks all.

I had a chat with DH last night about this and he has admitted that he really really wants DS to stop nursing too (he has been hinting at it for a while to be fair!). I do think I should take his feelings into consideration. so we've agreed that I will start doing lots of distracting and limiting time nursing in the hope that he's weaned by the end of the year - I suppose I can do another 2-4 months if needed.

just having a parenting wobble, and nobody to talk to about it really, as apart from the LLL group (which has just stopped meeting) everyone else I know who knows I'm still nursing him, thinks it's been going for at least 18 months too long anyway!