Offering unsolicited breastfeeding advice. Is this OK?

[CharlieMouseWillDoIt]

I have a friend who is about to give birth any day now. She is an ex-colleague and we don't see each other very often, but when we do we are very open with each other.

Last time I saw her she said that she hoped to breastfeed. I have been bfing my DD for 18 months now, although we had a tricky start.

I am considering sending my friend a message with a bit of friendly advice. Nothing heavy-handed, just literally along the lines of -

• Eat loads as you'll be starving
• Be prepared for your newborn to want to feed A LOT (i.e. possibly for hours at a time and to need another feed almost straight away, although every baby is different)
• Don't think that because your newborn feeds a lot you are not producing enough milk. You almost certainly are. The more newborn feeds the more milk you produce.
• Link to kellymom website which I found invaluable once I'd found it

What do you think? I'm struggling to decide whether this is helpful or overstepping the mark and I should just hold back and only offer advice if asked?

You could ask if she wants advice. I had one (lovely) friend send me the link to Kellymom and say I could always talk to her if I found it hard. Another (less lovely) told me I HAD to breastfeed (she didn't even ask if I intended to) even though it was REALLY hard I must persist because it's SO rewarding .

And maybe send her a nice packet of biscuits with a note that they are for nibbling during the night feeds?!

I think its overstepping to be honest. If she was your best friend or someone you were close too, it would be understandable but an ex work colleague you don't see very often - nope. Did you ask her if she was hoping to breast feed or dis she volunteer the info? - I think that makes a difference too.

I didn't breastfeed at all but my sister who had a baby this year did and I gave her the Kellymom and this topics links and passed on some advice my friends had given - but she's my sister.

I think after the babys born you could send her a message, congratulating her, asking how she's getting on and taking it from there but before she's actually had the baby is a bit presumptous. Maybe she's already on Mumsnet - problem solved

Thanks Rollersara, that sounds like a good way to go. I really don't want to come across as preachy. Oh, and the chocolates have already been bought and ready to be posted

I don't think I would do it. There is no shortage of information out there to get her going - if it's what she really wants to do, she'll find it. When you see her you can judge how it's going and give your tips then if you sense she would appreciate that.

I think the problem with what your are suggesting is that it may just heap pressure on her and make her feel bad if things don't work out. It's nice that you are so enthusiastic about bfing but it might not come across quite as you intend.

And good advice too - thanks wigglesrock. She did volunteer the info about wanting to bf, but having thought about it, it would be overstepping the mark. Thank god for mumsnet!

Why not just send her a text "good luck for the coming weeks with your little one, if you need anything, be that a bit of adult conversation or any advice on breast feeding feel free to give me a shout!"

Lots of cross posts - thanks Puffpants!

Perhaps buy her a book that contains useful info generally eg 'What to expect in first year'. Think that particular advice you had set out was too specific to your situation tbh. Short note to say 'breastfeeding can be quite tricky and I would have given right arm to chat things through with a friend at the time who'd been through it so pls give me a call - I might be able to help'.

I sent a colleague the Kellymom (and this forum!) links and did warn her about how relentless it could be.She is well chuffed to have grown a chubby wee boy all by herself, he's almost 2 months old now. :)

She was asking me questions though, so a bit different.

Another friend who was also asking me for advice about bfing DC2 has ended up mostly FF now as she didn't have the confidence that it was going ok and didn't like the frequent feeding when she'd been used to FF from DC1. She thought she was drying up at about 6 weeks when I guess it was just a growth spurt. She'd already made her decision so I didn't chase her down the street to tell her

I really just want to help give people a bit of confidence when there's so much bad info about - it's hard to hear people worrying about normal behaviour when they are really keen to bf. :(

I think the ideas about a note/text to ask how they're getting on sound good. I worry I get a bit overenthusiastic sometimes too

My work colleague (not particularly close) sent me a lovely email about bf when I was expecting my ds. She was the only one who warned me of the frequent feeds as you have above. She advised lots of snacks and a boxset to watch while cluster feeding. She also mentioned that it can seem tough, but tends to get easier after 6/8 weeks. I think it was that target that helped me bf successfully. We weren't particularly close so I didn't feel there would be any judgement on whether I succeeded or not. You could always word it in a 'things I had wish I had known' type message. Plus the best bit of advice, 'everyone is different so trust your instincts'.