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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I want to wean my nearly 3 yr old off the breast

30 replies

puffylovett · 03/08/2012 09:46

I cannot cope anymore with the 1-3 hourly wakings and the bashing me on the head till he gets milk

He would be at me all day if he could. It's driving me mad! He's not quite as bad in the day as he used to be. But we still had a scene in the park yesterday

How do I do it!!!

He's allergic to cows milk btw and won't take any alternatives.

OP posts:

racingheart · 03/08/2012 11:56

Only guessing here as my DC weaned earlier - before they had wills of their own :), but could you try bribery.When he sees something he likes, tell him that's only for big boys who sleep through the night and drink from cups.

Don't say he can have one once he stops, let him make that decision (otherwise he might revert as soon as he gets the prize) but just casually chat about big children who only drink from cups and glasses etc, so he gets the idea that it's a progress to aspire to.

You could also find some sort of comfort replacement. Tell him that when he feels ready to stop feeding at night, because he's a big boy, then you will get him a big cuddly toy (or similar) and a new sippy cup for night time, and that if he wakes, the cuddly toy will snuggle him and the cup will stop his thirst and he can settle down back to sleep all by himself, like a big boy, but only when he's ready, so to let you know. .

No idea if this will help. It's just a thought. My DS1 was absolutely hooked on dummies. I knew people disapproved, as he was 2 1/2 and still using them all the time. Then one day he tipped them all in the bin, unasked, and announced he was a big boy and didn't need them. I'd been casually mentioning babies who had them and big boys who didn't, but am not sure that made a difference. It was a relief, though, as persuasion had no effect at all.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/08/2012 14:04

I weaned DD at 2.8 and really wish I hadn't and had the courage to let her self wean. Completely know what you mean by having had enough, but for our DD the demands didn't stop, it just made her more frustrated that now there was no bfing.

Have you thought about teaching him some bfing manners instead of weaning?

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 14:06

Dont you ever get bitten? As soon as mines bit me they were off!!

whatinthewhatnow · 04/08/2012 14:17

marking my place. dd is 2 and i have been bf without a break since ds was born 4.5 years ago. I want a full night's sleep. that's it. If she would sleep through the night I would let her have 1 feed at bedtime. but she won't. she wakes constantly at night and I can't sit down in the day without her clambering up and pulling my nipple out of my top. I'm knackered and I want my bed back.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/08/2012 16:11

omf my DS bit me a couple of times when he was 7 months. Instead of getting him off, I phoned a Bfing Helpline, they gave me some great tips and was never bitten again. Biting doesn't automatically mean weaning for every mother.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/08/2012 16:18

what have you thought about night weaning? There is some great information here, here and here and have a read of this slightly tongue in cheek article called Got Sleep?. Have you read the NCSS for Toddlers & Preschoolers too?.

Emphaticmaybe · 04/08/2012 16:31

I struggled to wean my last DC.

By the time she was 2.5 I had definitely had enough, (I felt pretty suffocated to be honest) but although I managed to get it down to just one feed at bedtime I couldn't get her to give up completely.

I was pretty desperate and so told her that the day after her third birthday my milk would turn to lemon juice which she really wasn't keen on. We talked about this happening for the weeks building up to her birthday and that she would just have to have a cup of milk instead. She accepted this without any fuss as I think she regarded it as being part of becoming a big grown-up girl of 3 - and of course she really didn't like the idea of lemon juice.

I'm not proud of lying but desperate measures were needed for my own sanity - we laugh about it now but it really wasn't funny at the time.

Good luck.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/08/2012 16:43

Know what you mean Emphatic can remember telling DS that Santa would only leave him baby toys if he was still bfing and not big boy toys. Was PG at the time and while I know many people tandem feed, my norkers were killing me! .

Original poster

puffylovett · 04/08/2012 17:41

HellO everybody, thanks for taking the time to reply.

We've all been telling him for so long now that he's a big boy and big boys do t need milky. To be honest I'd be happy to still let him feed in the evening if it were limited to that, but it's not. We were doing quite well a few months ago, I was substituting lollipops !!! For milk. Which was working but then I ran out.
I'm in the process of decorating his own special batcave bedroom n hoping that will help. Sat down with my friend and worked out that we need to crack the daytime weaning, then work on stopping feeding to sleep and then deal with the nightimes. I haven't read the NCSS book though, it may be worth a look. I think that day comfort, night waking and feeding to sleep are clearly all connected. I wouldn't do it again with another dc!

OP posts:

Original poster

puffylovett · 04/08/2012 17:46

Jilted I'm guessing we would have similar frustration issues, he's a very strong character who uses milk as a calming mechanism / drink / food. I know what you mean about the norks when pregnant, my ds1 weaned when I was pg as I just couldn't cope with the feeling of pins being stuck in my nipples everytine he latched on! He weaned himself but he's a totally different character.

Was out with a forthright friend yesterday who made me feel like shir - as he's far too old to be feeding (he was mid massive paddy at the PRk at the time. I should've just fed him really. Oh well ;()

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MamaChocoholic · 04/08/2012 19:36

My dts are younger, 22 months, but wanted to feed frequently. Because I am not happy to tandem in public, they learnt from about 12mo that I would only feed them at home, outside they can have cup milk or water. This helped because I can just go to the park and they stop adking. Now I am trying to shift it so they only bf in the bedroom. Downstairs I say 'yes, what a good idea, let's have milk later upstairs, would you like some water right now?'. I find saying 'yes, later' works better than no.

I know your ds is older, but might a similar strategy help?

assumpta · 04/08/2012 20:55

This is going to be hard for both of you. Are you definately prepared to stop for good? It can be really difficult for a child to be only allowed to bf once a day if they have been able to feed at any time. If you say now is the right time to stop, then that really has to be it. Not bf if he is sick, if he has hurt himself etc., otherwise it is too confusing. If you really stick to it you will have it cracked in a number of days. As I said, it can be difficult, but if you have made the decision to really stop, no matter what, you are already half way there. He may be really distressed at first, then seem to cope better, then he may take a step backwards again, but you will certainly get there.

Original poster

puffylovett · 04/08/2012 23:25

To be honest I'd quite happily feed in the day at home even, if he'd just let up at night! Argh it's so frustrating... I'm just so short tempered and stroppy and look OlD because I'm just so bloody sleep deprived...

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whatinthewhatnow · 04/08/2012 23:40

thanks jilted, so much. Am going to read all of that before she wakes up again.

whatinthewhatnow · 04/08/2012 23:41

For some reason that came across as really sarcastic! I genuinely meant thank you and I am going to try and read it now!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 05/08/2012 09:30

I wouldn't do it again with another dc! don't forget though that they are all different. My DS was quite happy to have a bf just morning and night from 12 months whereas DD would not be limited and wanted it all of the time. Don't let your friend's ignorant comments get you down either, he isn't far too old to be bf at all.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 17:13

You have done really well getting this far. Mabey the time is right to stop, it's up to you

Wisteria36 · 06/08/2012 07:57

My ds is 3 and we also had success with limiting where to bf, he has 't red outside the house since before 2 and when he was 2.10 we were staying with relations and I was only comfortable feeding him in the bedroom so when we got home I continued that and now he has to have bf in his bedroom in the day if he wants it. Most of his toys tend to be downstairs do he normaly waits till later unless really tired/ill. We also had a thing that he wanted tv all the time because it meant I would sit down with him and he could nurse and now he hardly ever asks for tv either! Nighttime is still unresolved as I tried night weaning but decided he wasn't ready (comfort wise, he's quite an anxious child, not because he needs calories obviously). I hope he will self wean soon though ...

Wisteria36 · 06/08/2012 07:59

Fed not red
So not do.
iPhone typos!

BertieBotts · 06/08/2012 08:04

DS is self weaning at 3.10 if that's any help at all?

whatinthewhatnow · 06/08/2012 08:10

3.10 seems so far away to me! Decided to limit feeds yesterday, as a sort of test run to see if she's ready. In the day it was absolutely fine. I just said 'milk all gone' when she looked for it, and she was fine and didn't feed all day except for nap. I fed her to sleep at bedtime, then for the first couple of wakings I said the same and she went to sleep fine, although only in my arms (I can deal with that later). When she woke in the early hours I fed her without realising as I was beside her, and by the time I'd come to my senses it was too late.

But, I do feel positive that she was quite happy to go without, so I'm carring on today and tonight, very gently.

NeilsBoar · 06/08/2012 08:21

Do you have a DH/DP who could go to (or stay with) your DS? That's what got our DS to drop night feeds, I went to him each night when he woke and settled him back to sleep (first couple of nights we had wailing and crying about milk, but he soon got used to it). I also found I didn't lose as much sleep as DW as he went back to sleep quicker without milk...

Original poster

puffylovett · 06/08/2012 22:21

I do have a DP, and once we have the bedrooms sorted we will make a concerted effort to send dp in with him.
The trouble at the mo is that he usually wakes about 12/1 and climbs in with us. Half the time I don't realise I've fed him and it's not till he wakes an hour or two later hitting me for milk that we realise he's been with us for a while! Dp sometimes takes him back to bed once he's asleep again, if we r jotg awak or drowsy :(

OP posts:

Original poster

puffylovett · 07/08/2012 22:36

Well, he was late to bed tonight due to a late unavoidable nap. Drained me of milk earlier, so we started having a bit of a paddy about going to bed without milk. I thought, hang on... How can we make this nicer for him... So we had a lovely little whispered chat about how he can have a special treat if he stays in bed all night by himself. He picked a cuddly toy to snuggle if he woke, decided on his treat and turned over and put himself promptly to sleep!!!
We use a LOT of reverse psychology at dinner to get his brother to eat, ie You will never eat that, oh no, you won't swallow it - then Huge Fuss when he does. Ds2 responds really really well to that too so I used the same approach - 'bet you can't stay in bed all night while it's dark in your special room'. To which I got the immediate 'bet I can' response..... So we will wait and see! I don't suppose much will change! But here's hoping...

OP posts:

whatinthewhatnow · 13/08/2012 09:43

what happened, op, did it work?

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